Your soul is STEADFAST. You are a fiercely loyal
person who would never cross a loved one.
People always know they can rely on you and
your dependability is well-known. You’re
probably a little on the quiet side, but your
faithfulness is never doubted, and you always
back up your kith and kin whether they want or
need it or not. You are a dependable and
Monthly Archive: June 2004
Well, here are a few pics from the handfasting….
The handfasting came off beautifully. I have some pictures of it, and they have others from a film camera. I’ll post them somewhere sooner or later. See phoenix_rizing’s blog for more details.
I restored the Meditation page to my website, although I chopped it down quite a bit. No more exact details to be quibbled over. If ya wanna know the details, ask me or Beth.
I slept with Aimee for several hours tonight… kinda… it’s wonderful… she sleeps much better when I’m there, even though I’m not really there. We get on the phone together, and eventually she nods off … if the phone stays on all night, she wakes up and asks if I’m still there. I really feel closer to her through this, and would only object to it if it were costing her more money to do this, but it’s not; she pays a flat rate for long distance and gets unlimited. I love sleeping with my Aimee. I sleep much better myself.
Not much to say other than that.
I’m going to love Aimee forever and ever… I truly wish that we will be together for all of that.
One thing I’ve noticed the past few days has been a change in my meditation. I’ve always heard a high-pitched tone when I relax enough to meditate; the deeper my meditation, the stronger the sound and the more harmonics it has. I jokingly refer to this as my “Sivanet Connexion modem signal”. Well, since connecting with Aimee, the signal has been much stronger (louder) than before, and there seems to be a new harmonic I haven’t heard before. Don’t know what it means, but I suspect it has to do with feeling Aimee’s energy around me, as if it were her arms.
Since I’m no longer in Coven Ravencroft and cannot therefore be an embarassment to my now-former High Priestess, I have restored my Segovian Book of Shadows to my website. It has, over the years, gotten as many hits as my main section, some years more.
Beth and I are starting a new Tradition, Samkhya Wicca. Actually, she’s starting it, but I’m fully supporting her and I’m the only 3rd Degree Wiccan she knows. Check out her site at http://samkhyawicca.50megs.com . We’ll probably be using large chunks of the Segovian Book of Shadows, and all her knowledge of Hindu scriptures and Samkhya Yoga. So I’m simultaneously a Grandmother of the Tradition and a Student.
Boy, when I announced I was “available” (i.e., no longer in a relationship), I had NO IDEA how many women would be interested in me! There is a wonderful, artistic lady in Greenville SC with whom I have spent hours in stimulating conversation, another in Knoxville TN that seemed quite intriguing and we had an excellent phone conversation; both are rather short drives from me… and then there is a lovely young lady in Arkansas who wasted no time staking a claim on my heart. She was involved in my online coven, Golden Wyvern, but I barely noticed her; it was intentional on her part, since she didn’t want to mess with a guy who was already “taken”. If all things were equal, I’d have a bloody hard time deciding, and there are other women writing me too. But all things are not equal. Aimee. I have never seen a more perfect fit for me, assuming everything I know of you is true, which I believe it to be — and assuming everything she knows of me is equally true, as I also believe.
I know that will get my ex-gf and her friends mad, but honestly, I waited until I was officially disengaged before starting this. Anyone who doesn’t believe me, doesn’t know me.
Life is getting exciting again. I look forward to the next few months to see what happens.
Tomorrow I’m performing a handfasting (non-legal) for two friends. I don’t remember where we found the ritual, and we didn’t have to modify it much. This will be the second handfasting (pagan marriage) I’ve performed, and my first solo flight. At least now I will have done as many weddings as funerals.
I guess that’s it for now.
OK, it was about 8:30 am, and I was finally meditated and ready to sleep. I rolled on my side and … the phone rang.
It was my old friend Jill in England. So good to hear from her. We talked for about a half hour, I have no clue how much of her earnings that took. She had just found an available computer and read the past 6 months of my blog, so she was pretty well up with my life… I asked as many questions as I could about hers…
Among other things, her old email box was locked out for whatever reason. I gave her my yahoo.co.uk account, since I’m not using it, it’s still open, and the address I used with which to register was hers anyhow. And she’s read all the books I used to create the account with, in fact she sent me a collection that is not available in the US. Glad it’s found a home. Now I’m down to my multitude of US emails (4 active that I can think of, plus one forwarding address), my yahoo.co.in and my front.ru accounts. How do I suffer through this lack of accounts? I’ll never guess.
I guess some friends who I haven’t heard from still wish to hear from me. I’ll have to go through my old files and see if I still have addresses for some of them.
Nice thought to go to sleep on. It’s after 9 am now. See you in the morning, er, afternoon or whatever.
I talked to my little sis, Poisyn, tonight, some in YM and some in email. She insists that I haven’t told her the whole story, and that I was just off on a pity party and trying to act like a victim. I assured her I was WAY over the victim-ness of the original issue, and that she and Willow just wanted me to admit that I was faking it to dump Willow, again showing that she knows little or nothing of me.
I’m glad I get to keep my friends, and one of them, who has known me for years through Shadow Moon Coven and Golden Wyvern Coven, talked to me for hours tonight. Not sure where that is going, but I appreciate the acceptance and attention.
I repeat, I do not have anyone in the wings, I was not trying to hurt Willow or “dump” her, but she has hurt me. It’s pretty bad when everyone, all my friends and including the person who committed the act against me, agrees that it was rape … except my closest family.
My sister’s home! After almost 2 years of being stranded in Havelock, NC, 9 hours away IF I had a car… she’s home now. In the past 2 years, I’ve only seen her on the rare occasions I’ve been able to get to SerpentStone Gatherings.
She has invited me over for dinner and to spend the night. I’ll be back sometime tomorrow. Even though she’s only 12 miles away now, the transit system sucks and her dad’s car isn’t running very well.
Hey, now I can get back all my Harry Potter books I loaned her! LOL
I’m happy to say that it appears I will be keeping at least one of our mutual friends, for which I am thankful. I also shared my experience with a new friend in PagansInCrisis Yahoogroup, and got very positive feedback. I do not believe that I should hurt my abuser; that would only continue another cycle of pain and abuse. I’ll be fine, eventually. I hope Willow understands that I don’t have anyone waiting in the wings, this was not done because she was an “inconvenience” to me.
Anyhow, not much going on. Colby was supposed to call yesterday, and might call today. We were supposed to go to the Circus, she had several extra tickets, but ah well. Today we are supposed to go to Smiley’s Flea Market and sell some of the stuff she makes. I’ll enjoy it if it happens.
John is in D.C. with his sisters. Nobody has been contacting me about AHN work, even though I have been informed that there is some to do; can’t do a thing until I know what it is. I need to get some letters out for MindFreedom.
Glitter came over today. I haven’t seen her in many months. I have to say the old flame is still burning, but I managed to keep my hands off her. Too soon to be getting back into that game, and things have not always been the best between us. But she returned several of my things she had borrowed, some of which were irreplacable at least with what money I have, and it was good to talk to her again.
Talk to y’all later.
Well, Willow and I broke up last night. No breakups are clean and they all leave both parties feeling like they’re covered with slime. I hope she can forgive me for having to do that, and we can still love each other despite not being together anymore.
I then visited my email and found that my HPs has dissolved the Outer Court, so I’m out of a coven again. Well, that will give me more time to spend with my SerpentStone Family. I invited a few of the also-stranded to get together with me, and if I feel good enough I might start teaching again.
I also had the first meeting of my Recovery, Inc. group tonight. It went very well, and I look forward to continuing it.
Much thanks to Beth and all my other friends for helping me through all the stuff I’m going through. I still need your support. I expect that the people who were closest to Willow may decide to stop talking to me, seeing me as being the sole problem in the relationship. I assure you it isn’t so, but I understand if you feel that way.
Life goes on. And so do I.