I spotted today that I was getting mildly angry at just about every little thing that happened. If HP sends me a box to ship my computer back to them in, I complain to the FedEx person that they were only supposed to send a label… if someone asks me about my foot, I give them the whole long story about how I have been ignored about my feet hurting all my life… if I get 3 catalogs in a week from one company (which I love, but only buy a few items per year from) I call and complain about how many trees they are killing for my paltry amount of business.
Things get settled in the end, but I’m working myself up over piddly stuff. These are symbolic victories, and my mental health is far more important than symbolic victories.
I just got off the phone with my ex-wife, Beth, who helped me remember my Recovery, Inc. tools… but of course, I had to spot the issue and ask for Recovery help first, so I’m endorsing myself for the spotting and for taking action.
Several spottings come to mind.
Humor is our best friend, temper is our worst enemy. Recovery teaches that our mental illness is caused by accepting temper. There are two kinds of temper, angry temper (that someone is doing us wrong) and fearful temper (that we have done something wrong).
This is angry temper, that I have been ignored, that something is always wrong so it must be aimed at me. I need to remember that my mental health is my number one priority, and treat it as a business. Letting my temper take control of me is being lazy, is not taking my mental health as a business. I am trying for Peace , not power. I am endorsing myself for the effort, not for the result. However, I am happy to report that the result is my tension draining away.
I also have been dealing with fearful temper, as my 55th birthday is approaching. On top of that my mother is injured (broken leg) and her age is a factor in her healing. Many of you reading this have been abused (mostly females abused by their father or a close male relative), and you know how hard it seems to be to work on your issues after your abuser has passed. While my mother was not, in the classical sense, my abuser, there are certainly issues I’m working on regarding her. So I have the fear that she won’t be there to support me, AND won’t be there to rage against (which is again something I need to NOT do, peace over power again). And various other things…
Anyhow. I am doing the best I can do in managing my life — which I cannot say when I am letting my issues run over me.
Beth helped me by reading passages from “Mental Health Through Will Training,” the marvelous book written by Abraham A. Low, M.D., which has helped me put my head back together. We also had a few laughs (like when she couldn’t say “organism” and instead said “orgasm” … silly Scorpio). Laughter is our best friend…
So that’s what’s happening in my life. I endorse myself for writing this down, to fix in my mind better what I am working on, and why, and how. It also gave me a chance to help others (reading this) by exposing them a little bit to something that helps me.