“TLC – Tender Loving Caltrate” — so next time I need a hug, I just have to grab my Caltrate bottle…
Monthly Archive: June 2008
My old friend and webhost, Robbie, is finally getting married this Fall, and he asked me to be Best Man. Robbie was still a kid (15) when we met online in 1997, but he’s been my webhost ever since Yahoo bought Geocities. I managed to get him to a SerpentStone Festival a few years later, which he claims saved his life. I still gotta ask, if I’m the Best Man, how come he’s the one getting married? LOL
New research suggests that rich people are
mentally ill. The main diseases appear to be Empathy Deficiency
Disorder and Compassion Fatigue Syndrome, but the “gateway diseases”
appear to be neoconism, republicanism, and excess greed hormone.
These people have MONEY; why aren’t the pharmaceutical companies creating drugs to cure these horrific disorders? With proper treatment (of course I mean drugs), these people would be sharing their wealth (earned at the cost of the labor of nearly a hundred thousand people, each). Eliminating this family of disorders could likely cure many other ills in the world.
reading this, you should never step out of the shower, look at yourself
in the mirror, and be disappointed by what you see. If somebody teases
you about not being in great physical shape, I’ve got something you can
tell them. And the next time you’re with someone whose eyes drift over
to look at a person with a “perfect” body, you can just smile about
what you know and what they don’t. Researchers at the University of
Arkansas have determined that those people with the best bodies aren’t
necessarily the best people.
This study that appears in The Social Science Journal, found that
most people who entered prison were physically, even athletically, fit.
Between 62 and 73% of the prison population was made up of hard-body
athletic types. And those who were physically fit were the most likely
to be imprisoned for violent crimes.
So, if you are bemoaning that the person you are with doesn’t look
like a swimsuit model, cut it out. At least he or she isn’t as likely
to knock over a bank as that neighbor of yours who works out every day
and only eats low-fat yogurt.
I understand that the study only involves 5,000 Arkansas inmates, so
it would be unwise for scientists to generalize from this. That’s one
of the beauties of not being a scientist–I can generalize if I want to.
The results of this study should be taught in every school in the
land. We’ve been told over and over again how dangerous it is for
people–especially children–to try to model themselves after the few
individuals who have almost perfect bodies. Now, because of this study,
kids and grownups don’t have to see those with centerfold physiques as
role models. They can view them as people who might be more likely to
mug a 90-year-old World War II veteran than those of us who are a
little too thin or a little too heavy.
I’ve always been suspicious of people who have really good bodies.
Anyone who devotes that much time to looking good isn’t spending enough
time doing other things. If some other researchers did another survey,
don’t you think they’d find that those who have “six-pack” abs don’t do
as much volunteer work as those of us with “no-packs?” How many
valedictorians are at their ideal weight? Can you name one Nobel Prize
winner who was also known for having perfect calves? I rest my case.
This study is a triumph for every person who doesn’t have a gym
membership, for anyone who ever took an extra piece of cake instead of
an extra lap around the track, and for all the men and women whose
exercise bikes long ago became a convenient place to hang their
clothes. This study isn’t only saying that the rest of us are as good
as those who have muscles in places where we just have places. It’s
saying that we might be better than they are–or at least less violent.
Instead of going for the chiseled or the silicone look, maybe this
will encourage men and women to start choosing a mate or a date with
bony knees or a double chin. Perhaps employers will start recruiting
people whose waists enter the room before their faces. In fact, I’m
really looking forward to the headline someday that will proclaim the
large number of people who are suing companies for not hiring them
because they’re too good looking.
Obviously, more research is necessary. (And if I know our
government, it will probably be spending billions on it before you can
say, “bridge to nowhere.”) We have to find out if there is a causal
relationship between the number of sit-ups people can do and whether or
not they end up wearing a number. Or is it just a coincidence that
those with hard muscles are the ones doing hard time? After all, there
is another explanation for all this: Maybe those who are out of shape
are just too lazy to get out there and commit crimes.
Lloyd Garver can be reached at email@example.com. Check out his website at lloydgarver.com and listen to his podcasts at iTunes.
I had a more wonderful time this weekend at SerpentStone Litha than I can possibly talk about. Hope your weekend was great!
In a likely infringement of copyright, I just had to post this article by Will Durst of 23/6 (Some of the News, Most of the Time):
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
60% of Europeans believe American foreign policy will get better after
George Bush leaves office. About 39% less than what Americans believe.
• Gays will be allowed to marry in California this week, and some of
the biggest celebrations will be going on in the offices of California
• Midwestern towns continue to be ravaged by floodwaters. But FEMA is on the job. They’re probably sending ice.
• President Bush is traveling in Europe talking up the dollar.
What’s his sales pitch? “The best part is you can get a whole bunch of
them for almost nothing.”
• Another 8 months of Bush’s economic policy and Mexico will have to
build a wall to keep American workers from crossing their border.
• The longer the campaign goes on, the more John McCain looks like Yoda with a tie.
• In Minnesota, the Democratic Party endorsed comedian Al Franken as
its U.S. Senate candidate. A comic leaving show business to enter
Congress. Might just raise the level of discourse in both worlds.
• Senator McCain accused Senator Obama of a foolish willingness to
sit down and negotiate with enemies. Does that mean he’s scheduled
lunch with Senator Clinton?
• The best thing about John McCain’s campaign is that when history starts repeating itself, he will be the first to know.
• In his book, former Bush Press Secretary, Scott McClellan, says he
was left out in the dark. You know what, Scott–us too. But you were
standing next to the light switch.
• In their never-ending quest to add revenue, airlines have started
charging for every checked bag. Next: coin operated bathrooms. Then,
seat belts priced by the inch.
• Gas prices have caused SUV sales to drop like an anvil in a
vertical zinc mine. Got to feel bad for Hummer drivers. Now they have
to find another way to make up for the miniscule nature of their
PaganPages.org is back up with a new issue, which did not include my next article (they had two on the queue when they went down last time). I finally got Jenn, who is very busy, to respond, and she did not have them and thought (i.e., was afraid) I was not going to write for them anymore… I have sent her the two articles. I need to get back into writing them, but it will be a couple months at least before I need to have a new one out. The article title is “Door to the Beyond: Paganism and Mental Health”, and you can read the articles from past issues on my website, Hippo Haven (in My Writing (Prose)).
My grandfather said that there were two kinds of people–those who did
the work and those who took credit. He said I should always try to be
in the first group, because there was much less competition.
– Indira Gandhi
So how come I always wind up in both groups? There I go complaining again…
I got re-elected as President of Asheville Homeless Network. Seems like I’ve been doing this for a decade, but this will be my 3rd full term. Maybe it would feel better if someone else was doing some of the work – we elect a Secretary and a Treasurer each year, but I always wind up doing what is done of their job. I must be doing it right, though, or they would elect someone else and I could get more sleep on Wednesday nights.
(I can’t prove that the Dalai Lama said this, but it supposedly was part of his First-of-the-Millennium talk.)
Dalai Lama’s 18 rules for living
Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
Follow the three Rs:
Respect for self
Respect for others
Responsibility for all your actions.
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Spend some time alone every day.
Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.In
disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation.
Don’t bring up the past.
Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
Be gentle with the earth.
Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
One-A-Day Women vitamins… a cartoon character, drawn with crayons and still on the piece of paper she was born on, tells us how this vitamin helps her. There are just too many things wrong with this…