Monthly Archive: October 2012

Conference Time

Had a wonderful stay in the hotel last night (Murfreesboro Doubletree). No coffee to be found, no hangout place are the downsides — last year I got to sit in a lobby-area breakfast nook with all the people coming in for the conference. Got up early and went for coffee… and found battery acid but I’m drinking it because I paid for it. Looked for biscuits, could only find Sausage McMuffin With Egg at OMG price. But honey and I are happy, and are about to pack up the room and put it back in truck, then sign into conference.

ALL my teams lost yesterday except the 49ers (#4 on my Fave Four).  Titans fans are tweeting “With the first pick of the 2013 NFL Draft, the Titans select ___________” so the fans are thinking this is a lost season. Not good for Mike Munchak, who is a good coach and a lifelong Oiler/Titan and bona fide Hall Of Famer.

OK, gotta pack and load, then get to conference. Ciao everyone. I LOVE MY HONEY.




Moving along

I know I don’t have the best titles, but they say what is going on as well as I can…

Yesterday I went with my honey to her appointment with her (and my former) therapist. Had a great time, made him feel better about us. Didn’t get any tools or suggestions. But it’s always good to see him.

Went to pick up my paycheck and the last few things I had left at work. My boss had me sign a statement saying I understood I had broken my confidentiality agreement (by talking to that friend I mentioned the other day — apparently he IS more loyal to the company than desirous of a friendship, so I deleted his number from my phone). Also had a check in the mail from AT&T, apparently a settlement check from a lawsuit about what they were charging for DSL service in Asheville. Wow, $7.80. Well, I needed it. My paycheck was almost $40 more than was expected. So even with losing the job, it helped. Aum shrim Mahalakshmiyei svaha!

Rest of the day was kinda blah. I didn’t mention in the last blog that SocSec gave me a referral to a job agency which works with disabled people, and that I have an appointment Wednesday with them. I also have a doctor’s appointment, with blood draw, Tuesday morning. Now aren’t you sorry you asked? LOL

Had a bit of a misunderstanding this morning over what we (honey and me) are doing tomorrow and Monday. I think we got it straight now.

Not much to do today except find out if there is any college fb to watch and what honey will do while that happens.




One problem solved

I was asked to come to work an hour early today for an employee meeting.

I got to work, made coffee as I always do. My boss asked me to come with her, and not the other employee. I got into the room, and she read a prepared statement about all my errors, that I should promise to correct them all and one further error would result in my immediate termination.

It turns out that what got her set off was I retyped one of our standard sheets, which was being used in 50th-generation skewed copies, so that it would be more legible. Instead of being thanked for taking initiative, I was told I had overstepped my authority. She also had found two typos on the sheet (easily correctible) and said that was unprofessional.

So in the end, I was fired. I couldn’t believe it, after all the praise I have gotten for the work I’ve done, and the wide variety of tasks I’ve been assigned with virtually no training.

I drove home, crying of course, and hugged my honey, then got to work calling Social Security and the County Human Services to report the changes. I found out that both myself and my honey will have to completely re-apply for TennCare and Food Stamps. Should be able to get them by November though. I also called on a couple jobs, and notified a friend who I met through work (just in case he was more loyal to my employer than his need for a friend). Oh yes, and I called my mother to let her know.

I’m not going to bad-mouth them. There were errors made by me. There were errors made in training me, which mostly didn’t happen other than by criticizing the way I did things. I just want to know how I’m going to get through this month and the next few, on a reduced SSDI check and no other income.

Again, thoughts and prayers are welcome.




Couldn’t handle it…

Got to work this morning after being without my honey all night and getting only minimal contact with her via texting, and just was ready to melt down. I’m sure I did not handle my phone duties as well as I could have done if I felt “right”. At Noon I was told I needed to take lunch, and instead I just asked the boss if I could leave. She was afraid I had something contagious, and I assured her I didn’t.  I got home and started to relax, and my honey, who had not texted me, came home shortly afterward. She told me I had texted her that I was turning my phone off, which was true two hours earlier but had not been true for some time and I had texted her several times since. She read me my texts back, and added words which were not in them. 

We spent a lot of time crying. We really do love each other, but being crazy gets in the way. We watched Mask (not the Jim Carrey movie, the Eric Stoltz one) together. We went to eat, and honey threw up. Got back home and she did again. Finally gave up and went to bed hours early. At least I get to hold my honey.

Got up this morning and found I had gotten my puny royalties from Damnation Books. I was happy, and told honey… and five minutes later, the resulting conversation had me tied up in knots again.

Today is a busy day at work. Hope I get through it.




Wondering what it takes

I don’t know what to think of myself.

I’m a decent musician. I’ve managed a staff of wonderful editors. I helped found and settled the nation’s first membership organization for homeless people. I helped found a network of pagans in Denver, and was in on the founding of the first major pagan festival in Colorado. I have the most amazing friends, from Gianna Kali to Dr. Paula Caplan to David Oaks to some of the finest editors in the world to my wonderful Xanga friends (yes, I mean you, Moonlit_Lass). I am in the most wonderful Family. And while it took most of my life, my mother is even a fan. 

But here I am, struggling with my life, with a wonderful sweetheart who does not believe in herself, and working at a minimum wage job (yes, it’s a wonderful job, helping hundreds of people, but there’s not that much future). And I’m almost 60 years old.

I don’t know what it will take to get over the top, and feel like I’m running out of time.

Any prayers, thoughts, endorsements will help.




Getting Along

Every time I think my honey is stronger, she tells me how much she wants to hurt herself. I don’t know what I can do to show her how much hope she has, what a good future we have together. OK, I know we’re not having a fun time all the time, but a lot of it is communication issues and we are working on them hard.

I did have a major endorsement. Dr. Paula Caplan, author of They Say You’re Crazy, mentioned me by name in her latest editorial on the Mad In America site. I’m still floating about that. Wish I had more control over my life, but it’s always nice to get positive feedback on the direction I’m going.

Next Monday is a year from when I met my honey. I hope that can be a good thing for a long time.