Monthly Archive: January 2013

Another slip

One of my ex-girlfriends had started talking to me, and it had begun to sound like most of our issues had been dealt with. After getting pretty far into a relationship with her emotionally, things started going south again. I had to break it off last night. My head was spinning, I was feeling attacked, I was put on the defensive, and was being told all those things didn’t matter or I misunderstood.

I don’t know who is wrong, and I don’t care. My job is to keep myself centered, not have to recover from frequent cognitive dissonances. I have to take care of myself first. If I hurt her, well, we’ve been through this before, she can tell herself she should have known better. I don’t like hurting anyone, and it seems more and more that I need to stay out of ALL relationships.  I can’t help feeling lonely though.

Blanket statement: If I’ve hurt you, I’m sorry. I’m in no shape to be in a relationship (love, emotions, sex, living together, roommates, whatever) and would appreciate it if you all would stop trying to entice me into one.

 

Hugs,

Me

Heilige Neue Jahr

By about 10 last night, I was too bloody tired and upset to keep going, so I went to bed. I woke up at about 12:23 am and felt fine. It’s amazing how a silly thing like a calendar can make me feel so different — when I went to bed, I felt like an all-year failure and alone, when I woke up I felt like I got a new start and called my girlfriend.

Got a lot of work ahead of me this year. Hope I manage it.

 

Hugs,

Me