Monthly Archive: June 2013

better…

Things have really improved. There was a hiccup yesterday but we got through it without any hystrionics. I’m still really fragile and on edge, but just need to fill up my reserves. Sweetie truly loves me and has been more demonstrative lately. Our daughter has also been, and the trust levels have been boosted way up on the parenting side. I guess the more I don’t want to leave (and don’t think about it or talk about it), the more they aren’t afraid I will.  This is a good thing.

I feel so isolated most of the time. I think that’s an aspect of my Asperger’s. When I’m in need people jump up to help me, especially at Gatherings.

I also saw one of my new Family friends at his workplace two days ago and, like a true autistic person, did not recognize him (that’s not the setting he BELONGS in, LOL). But I’m not sure he recognized me either, we had only met at the last Gathering. We spent some time at their house last night, really gonna love these people and our daughter loves their kids even though they are significantly younger than she is.

Guess that’s all the good news. Gotta go get my morning coffee.

 

Hugs,

Me

Ready to Give Up… Then Not…

This was an incredibly hard weekend. My honey dressed me down so badly verbally that I just felt destroyed and ready to give up on everything, including breathing, eating, etc. But of course we were to go to our Family Gathering (chosen, not blood, family), and they love us both so much that they did everything they could to pick me up and show me how needed I was, and even showed my honey what the problem was. I know she loves me, really really much, but apparently has a problem that when anything irritates her she lets go of everything, saying things which should never be said. Now she understands that, and asked Goddess for patience and understanding. We have a new avenue to explore to get her help, also thanks to a loving Family member.

I’m still hurting a bit. Being torn down to that level makes it hard to just “get over it”. But while I felt the worst I have on Friday morning, I may feel the best ever in a couple weeks from the healing love of my beautiful honey and our Family.

 

Hugs,

Me

Call in

Had a busy morning after a bad night. And then I got called in to do a full 8-hour shift, the first 5 with my House Manager. The girl I usually work with called in sick. Well, I got through it. The drama didn’t end there, but it’s all right. 

 

Hugs,

Me

No friends?

Apparently I have so few friends here I might as well be writing in my private diary. What a shame. One of my best friends here is fighting for her life daily (if she hasn’t yet lost that battle), and my next-best friend unfriended me because she thought something I said to Friend #1 was unkind in the extreme (Friend #1 did not agree with that assessment, thank the Deity).

My Priestess and Love had a revelation today. I hope it sticks and we can help it grow. She is sleep-deprived, and revelations in that state are maybe as much as 50-50 on what is used and what is forgotten.

Things are up and down but still the total picture is up unless I totally lose it.

 

Hugs,

Me

Bad Day

I weas out running errands for my sweetie and with our daughter when the “battery” dummy light came on. That meant the charging system wasn’t working. No clue why, but best guess is the alternator.  I managed to get the errands done and my baby girl home.  I checked under the hood — the serpentine belt was all over the place, meaning nothing was running — not the oil pump, not the power steering, not the radiator fluid, etc.  II thought it was broken. I managed to scrounge money to take the bus to get to work, and was 90 minutes late but I got there. I was also supposed to work today, but discovered the bus in my end of town does not run on Sunday. Damn. I was looking forward to working and not missing any time.  But…

I got under the hood again and played with the belt. It wasn’t broken, just had slipped off. I didn’t have the tool I needed to move the tensioner but managed to improvise one. My future mother-in-law actually picked me up and took me to the auto parts store (when I thought it was a broken belt).  Good thing it wasn’t broken, I did not have the tools to completely remove the piece holding the belt in place (ostensibly, but apparently not).

Lots of repair to do on my poor car — starter, power steering pump, parking brake, brake job, alignment, and even a problem with the engine block leaking oil. No money. I had gotten my job for extras, but now our other housemate is moving out and it will be needed for basics.

My mother came through once again and gave me the money to get the car fixed and a bit more.  Hope I can keep some in the bank.

Twelve more days to my next payday.

I REALLY LOVE MY JEVIM AND OUR LITTLE WRAITHE! Life has never been so good.

 

Edited to add: And I just logged in to Facebook and learned my cousin Virginia passed away of spine cancer. My second-favorite, favorite on Mom’s side of the family. I first heard “Disraeli Gears”: in Fang’s bedroom.

 

Hugs,

Me