Monthly Archive: February 2015


Why haven’t I posted anything? Because nothing I’m doing seems important.

I’m going to work every weekday, with a 17-mile drive each way and an occasional side trip (such as laundry on alternate Fridays). I’m visiting my best friends in Dandridge roughly every other weekend. My house mate has few needs and we mostly act like we’re in different dimensions. My cats are about as needy as cats get, and that’s all right with me. I have no new songs, and the few times I’ve actually had inspirations rapidly became too whiny to continue. My health is about as good as it can be for a 62-year-old man whose doctors either ignored him or conspired against him his whole life.

I have friends online and off, I have a few members of my family on both sides who still talk to me, my mother is about as well as an 85-year-old woman can be.

I’m even appearing to be climbing out of some numbing debt I got myself in (in the name of love). So long as I keep my job — and they show no signs of either wanting to or being able to replace me — I should be debt-free before the end of the year.

So I’m going through the tedious job of living, and don’t have as many wonderful signposts to comment on. All I have to do is keep my job and keep females away from my emotional receptors and I’ll be fine. Might even own a house before I die at this rate.

Politically, I’m seen as radical left, but I’m really only moderate left. I believe everyone should have a real chance to benefit from their labor and not get totally ripped off just because the owner wants a bigger piece of the pie. Liberals like Warren Buffett are OK with me — yes he has a huge slice of the pie, but he’s willing to let the pie grow. The FauxNews crowd seems to think that the rich should eat all the pie they can, leaving nothing to grow. I want all labor, not just American, to be compensated fairly for their labor. The rich will still be rich. I’m not sure how I feel about consumerism, as I enjoy a bit of that myself. Where I live, I don’t really have complete recycling available, but I do what I can. I have a few more gadgets than I really can justify, but it also makes me a resource to my friends who might need one of these gadgets. (In two ways — I can either tell them my experience, or might just give [or sell cheaply] them one of my excess.)

For instance, right now I do not need both a tablet and a smartphone. My tablet is 7″ which I feel is barely too large. What I need, therefore, is a 6″ phablet. Unfortunately, all the good phablets require a phone plan which is more than double what I am currently paying and cost wow (around $600-1200).

I am now merely babbling. I hope you have enjoyed your trip through my so-called life. Guess I’ll sign off now.


Catching Up

…that and Update are likely my most-used headings…

Two days after I had that horrible morning depression (which I came out of all right, by the end of the day), I got food poisoning from potato salad and/or egg rolls purchased the day before at Food City in Strawberry Plains. It was pretty bad. I didn’t know I had that much available fluids to lose, but I lost them both directions. Again, I recovered. I was quite weak on Friday, but convinced that I had been poisoned, not sick, which is a good thing because my manager needed me to be to work early so he could go to a doctor’s appointment. I made it, with a few more points of gratitude on the part of my manager.

As usual, I had Saturday off, and other than having to do laundry with Sky and get some ratty-bites at the pet store, I took it. All is well. I’m in as good of shape as usual, maybe a small amount of lingering weakness but not bad.



I’m feeling much better today. Got my paycheck from RHA, and got all my bills paid except the scary one, KUB (electric bill), which has yet to be issued. I finished reading [i]Tomorrow’s Music Today[/i] and found my only reference to be possibly wrong (attributed to someone else as a maybe, due to my then-current pseudonym). Got instant response from Gary and it will be taken care of. So everything is hunky dory.



Update: No, Gary did not think I was another person. He missed putting a comma after my name, and was questioning whether the other person was also at the convention.

Bad Morning Ruminations

Not my best morning. Fading in and out of a not-very-empowering dream, I started remembering various times in my life where my family hurt me and (a) failed to protect me, (b) ignored what was happening and then denied anything did, or (c) openly laughed at me for being hurt. All those times when just ONE person could have comforted me and it would be all right — and nobody did. All the times I was told that something I was good at would never be good enough to be worth anything (“You’ll never make money at that, better do something else.”)

I’m sure I’ve disappointed my family. but they disappointed me first.

And guess what? I’m not going to hurt myself. Too many people would say, “See, I told you he wouldn’t turn out to any good.” I hope you understand how horrible it feels to go on living and taking the best care of myself I know how, because, in my deepest heart, I know how many people would be satisfied if I gave up.

A lot of other areas of my life are based on that premise. I’m going to keep doing something, not because I love doing it (I know I would have loved it if I had gotten the least encouragement from the family who was supposed to do that) but because someone would be smugly satisfied if I quit and I refuse to give them that.

I’ll have sunnier posts. I promise.

Selected comment and response on Facebook:

Danielle Meierhenry Remember it’s Mercury Retrograde AND a full moon right now. It’s bound to play games in the subconscious. I know it’s little comfort in the moment, though.

Moss Bliss Yeah, well, Mom (Luna, Mother Earth) always makes me feel loved. I sometimes miss having a person touch me and tell me that, but I never doubt Goddess.

Moss Bliss That judging Sky God always took my family’s side, and told me I wasn’t His type. I’m sure a lot of people who are “different” feel the same on that score.

Happy Imbolc

I had a wonderful Imbolc celebration, mostly with Morristown-area members of my spiritual Family. Some I hadn’t seen for quite a while — Phoenix and his lady I hadn’t seen since the Splendor Hollow Music Festival. (I don’t have much money for going out, so I’ve been missing the local performances of Tuatha Dea).

With all the wonderful food provided by everyone, with special thanks to our hosts, Oz and Magenta Moon (who began the celebration on a high note by becoming handfasted to each other), amazingly I did not gain much weight. I was encouraged to sing and also to play my harp, Rosaleen. I shouldn’t ignore my guitars in this, as both Blue and Carlos got to use their stringy, sonorous talents.

Before the whole holiday season, I weighed 240 (up from 205 last February, but that was largely the cause of starvation). I weigh 242 today. Now it’s time for me to start working that number down again in a healthy manner. If I could talk myself into more exercise, that would help.

I hope you’re enjoying the Return of the Sun in your lives.