Guys Who Lose
(...and the Women Who Love Them)
Harry Smothers
(Tune: "Shai Hulud" by Kathy Mar)

Guys Who Lose -- this week on Oprah
     Next week it's gonna be on Montel
Guys Who Lose -- seeking a way to change
     The stories their wives can tell
Guys Who Lose
     Starting a New Wave that Donohue's show can't hide
Guys Who Lose
     -- maybe a worm's inside

The whole world's full of nutty folks who don't know right from wrong
They're on my TV every day, and stay on for so long
So let's kidnap Geraldo, and we'll hold his feet to fire
He will promise that he'll give it up when Donahue retires.

cho.

And then there's Sally Rafael, presenting sad crackpots
She should go back to radio so we couldn't *view* her spots
There's only so much daughter-rape we can watch before we scream
And issue new machetes to each girl below eighteen

(cho.)

These "hosts" have all the same ideas, or maybe none at all
A new one every season lasts until the ratings fall
So let's all swear off their sponsors; they only want our dough
For the safety of our children, we will boycott every show

Final Chorus:

Just Say No
     Say no to Oprah, say no to Jerry and Don and Phil
Just Say No
     Say no to furniture and cars that support their swill
Just Say No
     Say no to ax-crimes and daddies who know their ropes
Just Say No
     Maybe we'll just ... watch ... soaps!




Written 1993 by Gerald L. Bliss.

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