Little Fuzzy Animals
(Tune: "Little Fuzzy Animals" by Frank Hayes)
(cf. Fuzzy Cycle books, H. Beam Piper, William Tuning)
When you land on Zarathustra, you may not like what you see
There are monsters behind every rock and up in every tree
There are damnthings that will run you down and kites up in the skies
And there's little Fuzzy animals with great big eyes.
Now, nearly all those monsters there should cause you many pangs
For the damnthing's larger than a tank and comes with razored fangs
And the giant birds up in the skies are bigger than a roc
But the little Fuzzy animals can learn to talk
So Jack Holloway adopted one, and soon it was a fad
For it seems that every Fuzzy wants a human Mom or Dad
And though everyone predicted it would soon cause one big mess,
It seems little Fuzzy children can reduce much stress
Now, after three or four more years, we found they weren't from here,
That some minerals were lacking that devolved them every year
Their mem'ries were affected; when this process was all done,
They would soon be little Fuzzies in more ways than one. (etc.)
We corrected the deficiencies from supplements we had
Which convinced our little Fuzzy kids that we weren't all that bad
We schooled them, housed them, fed them while they kept our pressure down
And more little Fuzzy animals moved into town. (etc.)
So the Fuzzies just got smarter, and the new ones were as cute
We fed them hoksu-fusso, and we taught them how to shoot.
And then a Fuzzy ship was found beneath some mining sites
Now those little Fuzzy buggers have the squatters' rights! (etc.)
And so we wondered gravely where these Fuzzies hailed from
When a ship came in from Toka with a sight that struck us dumb --
They broke out gloves and bats, and when the Fuzzies were all through
Fuzzies beat the Detroit Tigers seventeen-to-two! (no etc.s)
Written 1993 by Gerald L. Bliss (3/26).
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