I Really Filked Ferron
Moss Bliss
(ttto "I Really Loved Harold" by Melanie Safka)

They told me when I was a noobie
I'd be loved by fandom, if I was good.
Now I'm a long way from noobie
'Cause I tried to please fandom, 'cause I thought that I could
I thought that I could.

Hello, guitar made of willow,
The songs under my pillow
Turned to tears that I cried.
Humor and love are our riddle,
Never to answer but always to try,
And boy, did I try...

 

Copyright ©2016 by Gerald L. "Moss" Bliss (written 1/7/16 at work)


 

 

This song can be seen as whiny, self-serving, or lots of other things. What it is is simply this: As an adult with (then-undiagnosed) Asperger's, I saw people parodying others (and others' songs) right and left. I had no idea (then) of "too soon" or "too much", and was in tears over my treatment by Big Name Filkers who I was only imitating and hoping for some acceptance.

It is also, in my mind, too much a Plug-N-Play song, where I took the original lyrics and just substituted certain words. But I performed it on Saturday (Jan 9, 2016), and I assure you it had the hoped-for emotional impact, both on myself and the audience.

For the record, my earliest filks were of Ferron, Kathy Mar, and Tom Smith, and I admired but did not manage to filk anything of Bob Kanefsky's, and those are the people named in the lyric.

I believe I have overcome most of the issues, and this song only represents my filking life of, say, 1992-2005. It was very healing to get this out and perform it at GAFilk. I am not a victim, but am still misunderstood, even partially by myself; acceptance and positive reinforcement are welcome and will continue the healing.

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