Monthly Archive: December 2003

I just got off the phone with Willow.  The doctors have told her they can’t fix the hole they made in her spine without risking making it worse… so they just gave me more pain medication and hope it gets better on its own.  I LOVE YOU WILLOW!!!!!

Meditation went well earlier, remembered some stuff from my dreams.  For some reason there has been a youngish Americanized Hindu girl in a lot of them, just as an incidental character, not really even interacting with me, just there…  Hmmmmm

I’ve had a lot of headaches lately, they seem to be caused by neck tension or subluxation somewhere in my upper neck.  Wish I could afford a chiroquacktor.  Taking too much ibuprofen for my comfort.

Guess that’s it for now.  Hugs to everyone who wants them!


Willow called me twice today.  She loves me… I LOVE YOU MY WILLOW!!!!!

Meditation is proceeding as scheduled.  Hope I can keep it up.

Everyone have a happy new year!


Marada got here about 1 pm yesterday.  Beth and Marada and I talked for about an hour, then went to Auntie Branwen’s for her annual Pagan Pigout.  I got sick, and am having trouble with my right knee, probably actually my lower back.  Everything worked out ok.  We came home about 5:30.  Beth and Marada talked a lot.  I think I’ve had about enough of Beth for one trip… after 14 years of not talking, I had no idea how to act around her, but we did ok.

Beth left today about Noon or so… Marada stayed until almost 2.  I’m all alone again.  Didn’t do anything that Willow should worry about.

I heard from Willow after her spinal tap… hope to hear from her today sometime.  I LOVE YOU MY WILLOW!!!!!

Still working on my meditation.  If I keep it up, I should reach my first Kosha (crossing) on March 26.  I’m told there will be a significant change at that time.  I’m just doing it to prove I can stick with something for a while.  If I am being told the “truth”, I will reach my final Kosha on Feb. 16, 2005… never kept anything up that long… worth a shot…  For information on Samkhya Yoga and what I’m doing, see .

Well, Gwenn and Chris are here, should spend some time with them. 

Hippo hugs,

Things have progressed… I’m not depressed like I usually am in Winter, probably due to the change in regimen in dealing with my disease…

I just got a call from my Willow… she’s worried about me, can’t reach me except on the phone…  suggestions are appreciated, dear Family…


Meditation is going fairly well, I’m keeping a separate log on everything that’s happening with that.  Good sleep, good dreams, fairly good discipline, which is what I was really worried about…  never been that good at follow-through, although I seem to get a little better each year.

Guess that’s about it for now.

Love and hugs,

Well, Beth is on the road, I’ve talked with Willow, and I have a CERES meeting tonight.  I wish Willow were feeling better.  I LOVE YOU WILLOW!!!!!

Getting ready for next Thursday’s Pagan Pigout at Auntie Branwen’s… taking Beth and Marada with me, have no idea what will happen.

Been meditating every day, keeping a log of it, and everything.  Guruji will be proud of me… and I’m on my way to reaching Kaivalya.  Hope I spelled that right…  Getting involved in more maillists, whether Saivite, bipolar, or whatever.

I didn’t feel good last night, and missed Class in Golden Wyvern Coven.  I’m sure they can manage without me, but sometimes it feels like it’s my group and if I couldn’t keep going, GWC would fold.  That’s not right, we should have developed into a family by now.  I keep thinking I could do something to make it gel… but maybe it isn’t meant to be… and maybe I’m just feeling defeatist right now.

It will be good to see Beth again.  A lot has happened to both of us since we split up, and I feel comfortable getting our relationship back together on whatever level.  She has been good for me already in the meditating angle.

Nobody has left a comment on this blog for a looooooong time.  I’m out here drifting on my own… I guess that’s the bipolar Thing To Do.

Hugs for now,

Got some emails and a phone call from Mark, my therapist.  Of course they are not happy about my current non-drug regimen, but he had to admit I sounded good and cancelled an appointment he was trying to make with me. 

I had a trojan, the same one in three different flavors, on my hard drive yesterday.  Finally got it out of there.  Grrr, it was my own fault, came in through a download I was skeptical about.

Compressed my C: drive, it was getting too full.  I need to find a cheap, used 10-20 Gb hard drive to replace it with.  Got everything defragged and running fine again.

Lots of contact with Beth.  I love my guruji!  She’s keeping me busy in email and giving me stuff to study.

I haven’t heard from Willow for more than a week.  I hope she’s ok.  I LOVE YOU WILLOW!!!!

Guess that’s it for now.


What Flavour Are You? I taste like Bread.I taste like Bread.

I am a staple in almost everyone’s diet. Friends like me are a complement to any other friends I get on with almost everyone, remaining mostly in the background, but providing substance when it would otherwise be lacking. What Flavour Are You?

Went to bed about 7 pm, was woke up by guruji calling me about a concert she went to and someone recognizing her and asking about me…  Went back to sleep, got up at 5 am… guess I’d better get some time in meditation, just to make sure I don’t lose my 24-hour stretch.

Looking at a Hindu Matrimonial site… all these cute young Hindu honeys want a Hindu man who is a US Citizen and a doctor or lawyer… none of them want an old white guy like me 🙁

Not much to say right now.  I LOVE YOU WILLOW!!!!