Monthly Archive: December 2003

Been watching the new version of Cattlecar Galaxative on SciFi… they did a really good job of it, didn’t see a bad acting performance yet and it makes a lot more sense… other than they should rename the lead character “Stardoe”…

Guruji has been very generous with her time and file upon file of information.  I need some time to sort it all out, but I’m doing fairly well.  It was cute when she found me a website for a book by Sir John Woodroffe, and I was panicking about the sheer size of the tome, when I found that I already owned the book!  Now I just have to read it…  Been doing my meditations every day, sometimes twice a day, first time I’ve taken myself seriously enough to do this.  Been keeping my meditation log too, which frequently bleeds over to mention my dreams or other things going on in my life which probably should be put here, not there…

Renee took me out to lunch for our Birthdays today.  Belated for both of us, but not bad.  We went to a place called Cancun, the food was good, the salsa was better than most I’ve had in this city.  We then went to the new thrift store in town, but didn’t find anything there… except Renee got a DVD of a Stones concert.  Renee says she is going to help me get wheels again… I’ve floated the concept of just getting a scooter, 50cc or smaller, so I can operate it like a bicycle (licensing laws in NC are funny that way), and she seemed receptive to the idea.  Will save me from buying insurance, license, etc., but still get me around a lot better than I’ve been doing.

I’m kind of upset, Willow hasn’t called me for a while, even though I left a message to call me for what I felt was important.  I won’t bother to call again, she knows where I am, and I left a comment on her blog if she can get to it and read it, covering most of what I had to say.  I LOVE YOU WILLOW!!!!!

I’m scouring the local papers for Hindu groups, sources, priests… be nice to find a Saivite group here, instead of the usual Vaishnavites and Krishnas.  I know we have Hindus in town, don’t know what groups they represent though.

Guess that’s about it for now.  As you journey through life, may you encounter no karmic cowflops.

You can find me on Yahoo! Messenger these days under the name zaivalananda…. that can be translated at least two ways, one of which is Moss Bliss… the other of which refers to a demon Buddh in blissful congress with the gods…


I got lots of nice e-cards from my friends for my birthday.  I’m sitting her drinking the beer John brought me and eating cheese.

I had a long talk with Beth.  I have decided to ask her to be my guru, and she has accepted.  We have done the first step already, I’ll learn the language eventually.  I have a new Yahoo ID, sivaislord (and email  Don’t ask me why they gave me an address in India.

I tried to call Willow today, but she was in town and didn’t call me back tonight.  I hope she does soon.  I think I may be able to cure her leg problem.

Nobody in the Shadow Moon Coven room.  Don’t know what I’m doing right now, just mellowing out.

That which does not kill us makes us hurt a lot.  🙂


Happy birthday to me.  What a present.  I got a call from Willow last night.  The doctors who looked at her back say that the main nerve to one of her legs it totally dead, and is not reparable.  She says this means she is going to have to be in her wheelchair permanently, and eventually will lose the circulation to that leg and have to have it amputated.    She thinks I don’t want a girlfriend who is so handicapped, and told me to find another one.  I don’t care.  I love you Willow.  No matter what.

And I’m 51 years old today.  Never thought I’d make it this far, but here I am.  Still living alone, but at least I’m where I want to be.  Have lots of hope for the future, except that Willow isn’t here.  I’m starting learning in two Wiccan groups, one Gardnerian, the other CUEW, although I haven’t been accepted in the CUEW group yet, I need to get busy and write my essay.  My online coven is still going, but has been having low attendance at class lately.  We have 38 members, you’d think we could get at least 4 or 5 people to show up for class.  We have our coven t-shirts now, and they’re beautiful, but it’s kind of pyrrhic if nobody wants to be in the group.

Holiday season is always depressing.  I went to the doctor today, and she gave me the same old sales pitch about how I need a primary care physician, need to be eating better, need to be exercising more, wanted to increase my medication.

I got a surprise in my email.  I’ve been talking to someone in email who sounded like she knew me, but I had no idea where.  Never heard the name before.  After 4 emails, she dropped enough clues that I figured out she was my 3rd wife, under a new name.  Nice that she thinks enough of me to rekindle the friendship; I like to think I’m a good person and all and would like to be friends with all those I have loved.  I don’t stop loving people, but stay out of their way as need be.  So now she’s Beth Harper, instead of Betty Bliss-Younger… good to hear that she’s monogamous, and getting the help she needs.  Wonder why it took me so long to figure out the clues…

John bought me a case of beer for my birthday, Michelob Amber Bock, the only commercial beer I really like.  Nothing like free beer to cheer me up a little.  John has been a good friend.  I missed going to Pagans’ Night Out last night, slept through it, just didn’t feel right.

Got my bills paid.  No money left.  The usual.  One of my credit card companies has charged me an overlimit fee each of the past 3 months, which is stupid since the only thing putting me over the limit is their finance charges and I’m paying them on time.  I told them to cancel the damned thing.  Hope I can figure out a way to get that one paid off early.

It’s a good thing I don’t have a car, I can’t afford one.  I used the last of last month’s laundry money to buy a book of bus tickets.  I really need two books to get through the month.  Oh well.

I’m weaning myself off the drugs in favor of lithium orotate and Xenadrine EFX.  So far so good.  Hope I can make it through the holidays in good shape.

Hope you’re having a better time than I am.

Huge hippo hugs,

I’ve been way off on my sleep cycles, working them around an hour at a time… got up around 12:30 am today…

I got a call from Willow today, she sounded much better and she got my package.  I told her I can get her some essiac tea, she sounded interested.  It isn’t cheap, I’ll see how much I can afford to send her.

Not much else going on.  Gwenn and Chris were supposed to visit today to watch football, but Gwenn was cramping and couldn’t make it.

I got my coven t-shirt, it’s wonderful 😀

Talk to y’all later.