Monthly Archive: January 2004

Well, I feel like a heel today.  Chris and Gwenn said they weren’t going to come by for a couple of days… and then showed up again.  I’ve tried to make them feel at home here, but I think it has stopped feeling like MY home.  I finally asked them to leave and give me a break… I don’t think I’m allowed to do that, somewhere inside me.  Gwenn took it well, I don’t know how Chris took it, he’s so quiet.  They took some of their stuff with them when they left.  I assume they will take the rest of it next time they come by.  I may be exaggerating some, but it feels like they spend 8-10 hours a day here almost every day.  I like them.  But I wasn’t laying out my boundaries, and waited until I couldn’t stand any more before telling them where they were.  I hope I didn’t hurt their feelings.

I know, I’m a wimp.  Years of training made me that way.

I haven’t heard from Willow in a few days again.  I hope she’s not back in the hospital again.  I LOVE YOU MY WILLOW!!!!!

That was the high point of my day.  Oh, and I got Digital Cable installed today, which I really can’t afford, but I’ve been getting it free for years.  TIme to pay the piper.

Silver did a good job teaching Class tonight in the Coven room.  We had a few idiots wander in, but that’s the joy of Paltalk.  You push a button, they go away.

Not a good day.  Snif.


I don’t think I’ve mentioned that I’ve been having some really powerful dreams since starting doing Samkhya Yoga back in early December… I’ve been keeping a log of them in my Meditation Log, and sending them to my guru for her information… not that she’s an expert dream interpreter or anything.  But she also tells me, if I understand correctly, that I’m not supposed to be dreaming during this period, so she is very interested just in the fact that I am dreaming, plus is interested in several things that have been coming up in the dreams.

The Opportunity rover made a successful landing last night.  I guess you can say that there is Opportunity on Mars, but not here .

I’m finally losing weight.  I weighed 268 this morning, way down from what has become “normal” for me around 285.  Oh yeah, and I’ve doubled the amount of 4% DMSO I’m taking orally to 100cc 3x daily.  The doctor says normal doses are 50cc 3x of either 2%, 4%, or 10% solution… I figure doubling the dose on 4% is better than throwing all the rest of it away and making a 10% solution.


Guess that’s it for now.


Willow called me last night, and we talked for about a half hour.  She is having more and more problems, but sounds pretty good anyhow.  She’s still convinced she’s going to kick all this, and says her family thinks so too.  I LOVE YOU MY WILLOW!!!!!

Had some really good dreams lately, last night was no exception.  I won’t post them here, but I’ve been sending the “significant” ones to guruji.  Not that she’s any good at dream interpretation, mind you, but it’s significant that I’m dreaming at ALL with the meditation technique I’m using.  I must be doing something wrong, my paramguru tells my guru that she should just give up on me.

Oh well, got to wake up now.  I’d better go plug the coffeepot in.


Well, I just called my therapist’s office.  I told her voicemail that I didn’t like being switched to a new therapist without meeting her first and having a voice in the decision, I didn’t like having to be the one to make first contact (and getting her voicemail), and I sure didn’t like not hearing back from her a week after I made that call. 

We had a really good NAMI CARE meeting tonight.  Only 6 people, but we all had a lot to share.  Chim gave me a beautiful picture of Siva that he colored himself, looks like watercolors. 

I haven’t had enough sleep today.  And it’s too late to get enough for tomorrow.  Ah well.

You are blessed with FAERY wings. Beauty,
laughter, life, magic…that’s what you are all
about. You are refreshingly innocent and happy
with your life of purity and play. Life’s a
game and it’s a good one. In your eyes there’s
no way to lose! You can be very mischeivous and
have been known to cause trouble, but it’s all
in the name of fun and not meant to really harm
anyone. You like to play tricks on people who
aren’t quite as bright or clever as you – which
is almost everyone. Nature is the setting you
prefer to be in – Always. Barefoot and wild you
can’t be tamed. You’re probably a restless
spirit who loves to travel, and quite a
dreamer. Your creativity is astounding and your
art (of whatever media – from writing to
painting to drama) is like something from
another world – ethereal and often very
fantasy-oriented. You can either be a social
butterfly or a loner with their head in the
clouds – but rarely inbetween. You stubbornly
refuse to accept responsibility or to give in
to the wishes of others – unless you feel like
it. You have a strong passion for music and
can’t imagine life without it. You’ll grow up
someday, but you’ll always be a child at heart.
You are adventurous and love to take risks, and
feel a deep connection with the weather,
plants, and animals. You prefer sunshine to
thunder or snow, the warmth of summer to
autumn’s chill, and quiet forests to suburban
backyards. Magic through and through, you are
far more powerful than you seem, and are
capable of being extremely passionate. Though
you can be childish, naive, stubborn, and
self-absorbed, one thing is certain – life with
you will never be boring!

*~*~*Claim Your Wings – Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla


I heard from Willow last night, she has been in the hospital for 4 days.  Her cerebral cortex is swelling from the brain tumor.  Yeah, like she needed another problem.  Damn.  And nothing I can do, it’s driving me buggy.

Harmony. It’s inner peace for you, or at least
trying to find it. The shell you live your life
in is akin to monks of old. You’d be more
comfortable if things were less stressed and
made a little more sense, so you try to get
just that. You survive the end by not letting
it happen. You didn’t stop it, but you
supported those who did. I’m glad you took a
break from meditation to take the quiz…

How would you survive the end of the world?
brought to you by Quizilla

I meditated for an hour last night.  Thinking I may have to try the 4-hour variety soon.  Just not doing too well.  Look, just because someone else feels like crap for better reason than I do doesn’t mean I don’t feel like crap.

Blue Ridge called and “changed” a doctor’s appointment.  This is interesting, because I didn’t know I *had* a doctor’s appointment with them.  My “new therapist” still hasn’t returned my call to set up an appointment with her.

Sorry, woke up grumpy.


Still haven’t heard from Willow.  Now I’m really worried!

Having fun trying to update my website, … the webhost is returning a bad code to my FTP program, causing Windows to close my FTP program.  Robbie’s working on the problem… no luck yet…

Not much going on.  No mail today, thanks to the holiday


John took me out to dinner last night.  We went to Cancun, where Renee took me for our birthdays…  It just wasn’t as good this time.   Afterwards he took me to Superpetz and I bought a new betta.  He’s pretty, though not the same as Byte. 

Another day has passed without hearing from Willow.  I’m very worried.  I LOVE YOU MY WILLOW!!!!!!

Hard to believe that Shayla is 23 now.  My Raven is growing up.

Gwenn is cooking dinner for me and Chris… I don’t know what she’s thinking, making southern fried steak when she diagnosed me herself as having gout… fat and protein, best thing in the world… NOT!  At least when Beth was cooking for me she took all my known issues into account.

Guess that’s about it for now.


It’s been a long week already.  I haven’t heard from Willow in a few days… I LOVE YOU MY WILLOW!!!!!

Still breathing, still meditating (which requires breathing, but doesn’t everything?), still taking my pills (non-prescription, and I discontinued the Xenadrine) and DMSO.  I was diagnosed as having gout starting in my big toes and ankles, especially the right one, and am taking care of that the best I can.  (Including finding out that the only prescription drug, an herbal remedy at that, is too poisonous to take – toxicity level precedes therapeutic level…)

Ah well.  I’ll live.  Hugs to everybody.