Monthly Archive: August 2005

I am not publishing this because I am gay.  I am publishing it
because it needs to be said.  Each of us is different — and the
label of the kind of different YOU are can easily be placed in almost
every one of the statements of the author below.  Please read, and
open your minds to love.

In my case, friends and family, you might use the words “a witch”,
“bipolar”, or anything else you know me to be, in place of “gay”.



By Cristi Jenkins


I am not gay because I want to shame you. Though it may be so in your
eyes, that is not why I call myself your daughter… or your son.

I am not gay because I want to dishonor you, or because I do not want
to please you, or fail to give you reason to be proud of me – though
you may perceive it as so. I wish that I could live my life to make you
happy, but to do so would be at my expense – and that is not healthy
for either of us.

I am not gay to prove that you may only see what you want to see, for that is not my choice but yours.

I am not gay to cause you to worry, though there may be just cause, for
harassment and homophobia are realities, but I do not call myself I AM
to shrivel behind the fear of what might be.

I am not gay for you to trample on my heart and to ignore my attempts
to communicate who I am. Although you may perceive it as your parental
right, that is not why you may call me your son or daughter.

I am not gay to find pleasure in the fact that you fear me, but would
ask that you look beyond my sexuality as being an issue of right or
wrong; but rather as what is – the reality of our lives – whether
together, or apart.


I am not gay just to claim that you are intolerant, though you may deny
it is so. For I believe the creator loves all people equally – not one
race above another, not one religion above another, not one person
above another.

I am not gay to be in need of being saved or corrected when you think
that you are wiser than I and can now somehow speak for and use the
self-imposed, privileged argument called “GOD”. Though you may think
that this is your special calling or divine right, and may perceive it
as such; your words spoken largely out of fear, are just words, your
opinion. For who I truly am is holy and my path sacred – only I can
walk therein and divinely know that what I travel is true and good.

I am not gay to ask for people’s scorn, or for their pity, though you
may perceive that I am now deceived and have somehow lost my way from
the one-and-only-true-path-to-god, I assure that the path I walk is
truly one of peace and love.

I am not gay to find pleasure in rebelling against the family’s
way-of-life, the religious mandates for over four generations, etched
deeply in our identity, the essence of who we have been, and for some –
who we will always be. I am not gay to cause you grief because I no
longer call myself a Christian, and that is not why I call myself
enlightened. And although I do not agree with all that you taught me, I
honor your right to live your lives as you see fit for your highest
good. Please understand that your idea of what the highest good is for
me, is not necessarily the same in my eyes. I ask for your blessing in
living my life as I create and claim my own happiness.

I am not gay to be a sinner, or the devil, or the scapegoat for all the
perceived immoral pitfalls of society. Though you may perceive it to be
so, I have found that happiness lies within one’s self, in seeking
personal responsibility in all aspects of one’s life, and in not
blaming someone or something else for one’s perceived unhappiness. We
create what we experience.

I am not gay to try to snuff out organized religion, though you may act
as if the threat is great. I simply ask to question the function of
patriarchal rules, set to keep the sexes unbalanced, creating
oppression and inequality in the name of a controlling, often
condemning, human-made religion. Why can’t it be different?

I am not gay to enjoy being seen as a threat to a specific belief
system, but when society claims that I should not be allowed to freely
be and love as all people, then in truth I must say, this cannot be


I am not gay to close my eyes to injustice, for I see and live in a world of injustice everyday.

I am not gay to crusade to recruit others to change their sexuality,
though you may trivialize orientation as merely a choice; but having
felt the difference in my life for years – and out of fear denied, I
offer compassion to those who recognize this sameness in themselves,
seeking to understand their path; and thus extend a ray of hope that
peace and spiritual wholeness can be found in accepting one’s self in
its divine totality.

I am not gay because I hate myself nor the opposite gender, though you
may perceive it as so. It is not why I choose to honor both the male
and female energies, nurturing balance within, thus embracing life as
whole and full of divine possibility.

I am not gay to threaten the love between a male and female, family or
kin– to negate in any way the beauty, health, and strength found in
loving relationships. I live everyday to embrace the benefits of divine
love in all aspects of our world, and as such declare myself worthy and
equal to the human race in freely expressing my need and right to love
and intimate connection.*

I am not gay because you say I desire to molest children. Though unjust
and empirically incorrect, you may claim it is so to create fear
through hysteria and ignorance.** I do not desire to love and nurture
children to cause them harm. My gift to them is to provide support, to
nurture their strengths and soul essences without condemnation of ways
in which they may differ from myself. For I deeply know the pain of
parental rejection and remember the saving phrase of the few non
judgmental adults in my growing-up years, “Who you are is okay, and we
love you exactly as you are.” ** The large majority of pedophiles are
heterosexual males perpetrating against female children. Gay people are
no more likely to molest children than are heterosexual people.

I am not gay to be seen as an inept parent, though you may claim this
is so. As in any family, it is a consistently loving and supportive
environment which fosters optimal growth in human beings – not one’s
sexual orientation.***

I am not gay to hide or believe that any part of my life is a mistake,
for I too am created and called “good” by the creator, and I refuse to
buy into the argument that I am biologically or spiritually inferior. I
am who I am supposed to be – a gift, a life in loving totality.

I am not gay to ignore that I can make a difference, though you may
wish that I remain unseen. For I claim the endowment, the perceptions
and keen awareness of being opposite-gendered, and as such see ways
where balance and wholeness are possible in our world, for I have found
it in myself first.

I am not gay because I fear the “wrath of god”, for I have only known
the sting of human condemnation, for the god within is love, and THAT
is why I honor who I AM!

* See Dean Ornish’s book Love and Survival, the Scientific Basis For the Healing Power of Intimacy, HarperCollins, 1998.

** See Out in all Directions, the Almanac of Gay and Lesbian America ;
Lynn Witt, Sherry Thomas, Eric Marcus eds,; “Most Common Myths” ,
Warner Books, p.359.

*** Ample studies, over 70 in one compilation, show that children of
homosexual parents are as healthy as children of heterosexual parents.
See Diversity, Boise, ID, May 1997.

Cristi Jenkins was raised in a four-generation Mormon family. She
received a BA in music and a Masters of Information and Library Science
from Brigham Young University. Heeding her higher self, after years of
devout service she resigned her membership with the LDS church,
embarking on a different spiritual path. As such this path has led her
to embrace the strengths of identifying as gay and as a lightworker.

Cristi writes a monthly column for DIVERSITY, a gay and lesbian
newspaper. She also enjoys composing music, woodworking and art. Her
goal is to utilize these gifts in creating peace, tolerance, and love
for all people and creations. Cristi currently resides in Vancouver, Wa
with her two dogs, Bud and Betsy.

Hey, it’s my turn, Megan!  I just had a visit from
“TheUnstained”.  Not too preachy.  Told me to seek,
find.  Hey, I sought a long time ago and am still seeking, but in
his alley all I find are nuts like him and Bishop Irenaeus (see Elaine
Pagels, “Beyond Belief”, published 2004) blocking my way to the
Truth.  Fortunately I’ve found other alleys, LOL.

Hugs to y’all, hope you don’t get too many crazies.  Don’t forget to use your Block User button!


Anger is nothing but an attachment for an object, when expressed
towards an obstacle between ourselves and the object of our attachment.

– Swami Chinmayananda (1916-1993), founder of Chinmaya Mission

I’ve been feeling better each day for the past few.  Kayla still
calls me and needs me to calm her down or excite her or just talk to
her, depending on the time of day and circumstances.  I really
love this woman, and miss her badly, but the hurt of loneliness is
fading as we forge our relationship in new ways daily.


My heart, do not take pride in every thought,
do not flutter like a moth around every light.
Until you know yourself
you will be distant from God.
– Rumi

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods.
– Albert Einstein

Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.
– Michael Pritchard

Everything, every moment, every person, every stirring in your heart
matters. Let yourself love and value life, and be overjoyed at the
positive difference that each of your moments can make.
– Ralph Marston

Just because everything is different doesn’t mean anything has changed.
– Irene Peter

Shifting your perception is the only change that you can affect.
– Carson’s Commentary

If you can stop for a moment in your thinking and your questing and
listen to the silence, you may start becoming aware of many levels of
consciousness. You may become aware that you are on all levels of Light
simultaneously. The trick is to learn to shift your awareness to where
you wish to be.
– John-Roger, from Loving Each Day, Volume 1, p. 247

I am you.
You are me.
Wherever you go,
there I am.
I am strewn everywhere.
Everywhere you collect me.
And as you do,
you recollect yourself.
– Gnostic Gospel of Eve


Have you ever felt like you don’t matter?  Maybe you sometimes
feel as though you are invisible?  What about those times when
your heart feels alone and unloved?  

There are people who do not listen no matter how clearly or loudly you
may be speaking to them.  For now, we are not talking about
them.  We are talking about the other side of that situation…
that’s the part where you are not, for whatever reason, letting others
know what you need.

What are some reasons you have, that you allow to keep yourself from asking others for their help in meeting your needs?  
Asking for your needs feels selfish?  Asking for help leaves you
feeling weak or helpless?  Asking for anything from anyone leaves
you feeling vulnerable?  Maybe you don’t like that feeling of
obligation that sometimes occurs when people do you a favor?

Sometimes we expect others to know what we need without us having to
speak it.  Observe yourself in the next few days.  What other
reasons do you find for keeping silent and allowing yourself to go
through your life feeling as though your needs are being ignored?

Blessings of Light,

The “you” that sees is, in fact, One with all that is seen.

Carson’s Commentary

Love is awake in me whatever the season.

Love is a north wind, cold and sharp.

Love is a night on fire with lightning.

Love is shameless. violent, heart-rending.

Love is the madness sent by the Goddess.

– Sicilian Greek Poet Ibykos, Sixth Century B.C.E.

Our past is neither an accident nor a mistake.

We have been where we needed to be, with the necessary people.

We can embrace our history, with its pain, its imperfections, its mistakes, even its tragedies.

It is uniquely ours; it was intended just for us.

Today, we are right where we need to be.

Our present circumstances are exactly as they need to be, for now….

– Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go

The intuitive mind is a
sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have
created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.

– Albert Einstein

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

– Albert Einstein

Patience can be a great
virtue, while learning to push ahead often proves invaluable to those
who prevail; but only a marriage of these two spirits can grant us true
success, because in their union we are empowered with a calm and steady
watchfulness that is always ready and willing to act.

– Guy Finley –

You have to stay in shape. My
grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.

– Ellen DeGeneres

There are two means of refuge from the misery of life – music and cats.

– Albert Schweitzer

There is a theory which
states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for
and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by
something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory
which states that this has already happened.

– Douglas Adams

To attain knowledge, add things every day. To attain wisdom, remove things every day.

– Tao Te Ching

The First Law is that you can be, do, and have whatever you can imagine.
The Second Law is that you attract what you fear.
– Neale Donald Walsch – Conversations with God

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.

Many of the truths we cling to depend  greatly on our point of view.
– Obi-Wan Kenobi

Look! Here am I right within you.
Not in temple, nor in mosque,
Not in Kaaba nor Kailas,
But here right within you am I.

– Kabir

Your Primary Responsibility
by Alan Cohen

A friend confided in me that he was struggling to understand his 
responsibility in a world obsessed with war. I told him the answer is
simple: choose peace.

While you cannot control the attitudes or actions of politicians
or  others, you have total control over the thoughts, feelings,
and energy  you are exuding. If you are steeped in fear, anger, a
sense of victimization, or separateness, you are contributing to the

If you hold a sense of peace, wholeness, compassion, kindness, and
the  presence of love, you are contributing to healing. As Kipling
nobly penned, “If you can hold your head when all about you are
losing  theirs. . ‘

Mother Teresa was once asked to speak at an anti-war rally, and
she  refused. “If it were a pro-peace rally, I would attend,”
she  explained. “But fighting against war, like fighting against
anything, is just another form of war.”

Ram Dass recounted that on his altar he has pictures of Christ, 
Buddha, and many other spiritual masters. He has recently added a photo
of George W. Bush. Why? As Ram Dass explains, “Until I can find the
same divinity in George W. Bush as I find in other holy beings, I 
am stuck. When I can see and honor his soul, then I am in a
position  to protest. Until then, I am ineffective.”

The power of prayer and intention goes a long, long way. At any given
moment the world situation is a precise expression of the 
consciousness of all the people who live here. As you shift your 
consciousness in the direction of peace, wholeness, and faith, you
tip  the balance in that direction. You literally become the
tipping point  for the world you would like to create.

Be less concerned with what you are doing and more concerned with 
how you are doing it. Actions that spring from fear or hatred, no 
matter how nobly clothed, create only more of the same. Actions that
issue from faith and love, no matter how humbly clothed, create
only  more of the same.

A visionary thrives under all circumstances, for he or she sees 
beyond the obvious. At this time the world needs good visionaries.
If  you would save the world, begin with your own consciousness.