Yearly Archive: 2005

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is
that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness,
that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who are we to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? As we
let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to
do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence
automatically liberates others!
– Nelson Mandela

One party says thought is caused by matter, and the other says matter
is caused by thought. Both statements are wrong; matter and thought are
coexistent. There is a third something of which both matter and thought
are products. Swami Vivekananda (1863-1902)

Just as material things are made of dust, so too are our perceptions
and thoughts mere dust. Just as it takes only a moment to wipe the dust
from the surface of a mirror, so it takes only a moment to become
enlightened, the moment all defiled intentions are cleared from our
consciousness, we will see ourselves in the mirror of perfect truth.
-Master Hsing Yun, “Describing the Indescribable”

Use all your power to free the senses from attachment and aversion
alike, and live in the full wisdom of the Self. Such a sage awakes to
light in the night of all creatures. That which the world calls day is
the night of ignorance to the wise.
-Bhagavad Gita 2:68-69

Had a rough week.  My online gf, Lyllyth, dumped me… less than 2
hours (email was timestamped) from when we were talking along like
everything was fine.  Ah well.

I posted the following to my blog.  It is just as true
here, except that I don’t have any information about Xanga being used
in this way.  Most of you know me; some of you will be
shocked.  But it had to be said.


I just saw a news report on the local news that said MySpace has become
a place for ppl who are trolling for kids to meet them.  I want it made
CLEAR that I am not here for that.  I am a multiple abuse victim, and
28 years ago became, for a short time, an abuse perpetrator (note: I
was not charged or convicted – this is voluntarily offered).  I AM NOT
THAT PERSON.  Anyone who talks to me should be talking mental health,
religion, or friendship.  I do not talk to internet sluts about sex,
money, or anything – they bet blocked.  I do not talk to children about
sex or anything else (exception, one friend who has been supportive of
me through my past failed relationships, but we talk about friendship

If you want to know about me, who I am NOW, visit my
website, or my blog .

Kids:  If ANYBODY tells you
not to tell something about what they do to you or want you to do to
them, TELL SOMEONE.  There is nothing they can do to hurt you that will
not eventually hurt them MUCH MORE.  Don’t continue the cycle of
abuse!  If your parents don’t care (and the odds are they care a lot
more than you think, unless they’re the ones doing “this” to you), find
a counselor, therapist, or policeman who DOES.



Yesterday (Nov 13) was World Kindness Day.  I have been working
pretty hard for the past 6 months to organize all the world’s Playback
Theatre companies into a one-day event, called Global Playback Theatre
for Kindness Day, and yesterday was the culmination of this. 
Several of the sites were videotaped, and a video will be produced
showing portions of all of these events.  I was honored at the
event for my work — both by Global Playback Theatre and by The
Kindness Campaign — and several of the members of Asheville Homeless
Network were also there.  I also raised another $7 for AHN in
donations at this event.

The following are quotations from the program for the Asheville event:

No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted. – Aesop
Only a life lived for others is worth living. – Albert Einstein
Blessed is he who speaks a kindness, thrice blessed is he who repeats it. – Arabian proverb
In compassion lies the world’s true strength. – Buddha
Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses. – Confucius
My religion is simple.  My religion is kindness. – Dalai Lama
Seek not good from without; seek it within yourselves, or you will never find it. – Epictetus (2nd century c.e.)
We must be the change we wish to see in the world. – Mohandas Gandhi
The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose. – Hadia Bejar
Goodness is the only investment which never fails. – Henry David Thoreau
Help your brother’s boat across, and your own will reach the shore. – Hindu proverb
A kind word never broke anyone’s mouth. – Irish proverb
Do good and care not to whom. – Italian proverb
Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, “What are you doing for others?” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
A person’s true wealth is the good he or she does in the world. – Mohammed
If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one. – Mother Teresa
Always be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle. – Plato
Seeds of kindness are equal in weight to all the Commandments. – Talmud
We make a living by what we get.  We make a life by what we give. – Winston Churchill

I hope these words have brought a touch of kindness to your day. 
Pass them to others, and we will all have years of kindness.



I spent nearly 40 minutes on the phone with Lyllyth tonight.  Most
beautiful voice I’ve ever heard.  Sure, we were nervous… got
less so as the phone call went on. At about the 20 minute mark I
suggested ending the call and keeping the other half of the phone card
for later, but just couldn’t do it.  Which led to the best 20
minutes of phone time I can remember.  I sure hope I’m the one who
makes her lose her loneliness.

Now, all y’all who remember good times on the phone with me, forgive
that statement… it isn’t that I may not have had a good time with ya,
just that I have bad memory, LOL.

Anyhow, I expect she will call me sometime, and perhaps find an
Internet Cafe to talk to me.  The next two months could either be
the best or very trying…  I’m looking around for good phone
rates to Canada.


You may turn your bones to fuel, your flesh to meat, letting them roast
and sizzle in the gold-red blaze of severe austerities. But unless your
heart melts in love’s sweet ecstasy, you never can possess my Lord
Siva, my treasure-trove. Tirumantiram Verse 272

I got this from one of my Yahoogroups.  LOL shows how much work I
have to do still, but I endorse myself for what I have done.

Twelve Signs of a Spiritual Awakening

1.   An increased tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
2.   Frequent attacks of smiling.
3.   Feelings of being connected with others and nature.
4.   Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
5.   A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experience.
6.   An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
7.   A loss of ability to worry.
8.   A loss of interest in conflict.
9.   A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
10.  A loss of interest in judging others.
11.  A loss of interest in judging self.
12.  Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything in return.


I worked up the following list of what I am doing, to further endorse
for all the effort I’m putting out.  This is NOT a complete
list.  It also does not include most of my religious activities or
any of my musical performances, or just hanging out with my friends…
or the project I just finished, coordinating a world-wide performance
of actors called Global Playback Theatre for Kindness Day (performances
today, but mostly tomorrow (Sunday Nov 13)).

IRL (Real Life, Offline) Groups

Asheville Homeless Network – President & co-founder
Asheville Homeless Coalition – member
Pathways Sanctuary & Seminary – Secretary & co-founder
The Kindness Campaign – top volunteer, member of Community Advisory Board, proposed Webmaster and Staff
Pagans & Witches Meetups Organizer
IBH, Inc. – co-founder and board member (forming)


MindFreedom Support Coalition International


The Witches’ Voice, Inc – Sponsor

many others too numerous to remember

others as listed below

Websites &



owner ALT-therapies4bipolar
owner ashevillepagans
owner FreeNAMI
owner HolyMoly
owner homelessinasheville
owner livinginsiva
owner pagans_incrisis
owner pathwaysseminary
owner pathwayssemstu
owner recovery-inc-2
owner witchwords
moderator Bi-polar_pagans


owner Faces of God
owner Cyberfilk
owner Alternative Health Tips & Tricks
moderator Pagan Connections
chatmod The Realm of Be*ing
staff Funniest Grins & Giggles
member of too many forums to mention

Friends Sites

(DON’T USE THIS! – all my contacts have been “young, pretty” foreign
women, offering pictures and vicarious sex in exchange for money — and
there is NO WAY TO UNSUBSCRIBE from this service)

God is incapable of moving away from you.  When you do not feel
the presence, it is because you have moved away.  You have given
your power to some earthly authority.  You have left the place of
the indwelling God in search of something special in the world. 
That search always comes up empty, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t
keep trying to find the answer somewhere outside of yourself. If you
have a teacher who empowers you, I am happy.  It does not matter
to me if that teacher is a Buddhist or a Jew, a Christian or a Moslem,
a shaman or a businessman.  If you are learning to trust yourself,
if you are becoming more open in your mind and your heart, then I am
happy for you.  It does not matter what specific path you are on,
what symbols you believe in, or what scrolls you consider sacred. I
look to the fruit of your beliefs to see if you are stepping into your
divinity or giving your power away to someone else.
– Paul Ferrini

You are part of a great Unity which encompasses everything. Just as you
are intimately intertwined with Spirit, so you are unified with each
person; no separation exists between the Whole and any of its parts.
Loving relationships are a matter of expressing the spirit of God which
is at the center of your being. If harmony reigns supreme in God, then
harmony must be paramount in you and all of your relationships.
– Ernest Holmes

Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism.
– Anon.

We practice compassion through acts of forgiveness, releasing
resentment, anger and hurt. We understand forgiveness when we realize
that every act is either an expression of love or a call for love.
– Mary Manin Morrissey

The panhandler on the busy street corner feels forsaken. The elderly
woman whose phone doesn’t ring stares through a gap in her drawn drapes
and wonders if she is forgotten. And awaiting the prayed-for visit from
a potential foster parent, the child is fearfully certain he won’t be
acceptable. The tragedy is that so few of us have experienced whole and
unconditional love from the significant people in our lives. So few of
us are certain of our value in the lives of others. For parents and
teachers we performed to earn their favor. From friends we expected
acceptance, yet sometimes we bought it. And because we haven’t known
the pleasure of unconditional love but have been perpetually in search
of it, we’ve not felt adequate to offer it to others. It’s difficult to
give away what we fear we don’t have; yet, paradoxically, that’s the
key to our salvation. As we give others our love, we’ll likewise
experience a greater measure of it. And it need not come from outside.
It will, instead, well up from within. We each have the power of
personal salvation. All we must do is love.
– Karen Casey, Worthy of Love

It is a simple procedure to calculate the number of seeds in an apple.
But who among us can ever say how many apples are in a seed?
– Wayne Dyer, Everyday Wisdom

A friend is one who is free to agree or disagree. A friend will speak
to you truthfully. She may or may not perceive the situation
accurately, but she is not afraid to tell you what she thinks. A friend
speaks her truth and then reminds you that you are free to make you own
choice. This is love in action. A friend loves you equally whether she
is saying yes or no. She is willing to share her experience, but she
doesn’t try to impose her opinion on you. You can’t be a friend
if  you are not willing to tell the truth. But honesty alone is
not enough. Honesty and humility must go hand in hand. Your humility
says to your brother “This is the way that I see it. I may be right or
I may be wrong. How do you see it? After all, you are the one who must
make the choice.”
– Paul Ferrini, Love Without Conditions

A journey ended.  November 6, my handfasting to Kayla
expired (the relationship ended August 2, although she postponed
telling me about it until September 17).  She has not talked to me
since November 8, after she
received the flowers I sent for our Anniversary.

Another journey begun.  November 9, I suggested to Lyllyth that we
could take a shot at a relationship.  It’s still too early to tell
where this is going, but there are many fine possibilities.  For
now, it is long distance.  I cleared up all the red flags already
and am working at dismissing the yellow ones… any long-distance
Internet relationship has its share of flags to deal with. 
Lyllyth currently lives in Montreal.  I’m not going to get gushy
here, but we have enough in common.  I may post a picture later.


Be patient. The path of self-discipline that leads to God-realization
is not an easy path: obstacles and sufferings are on the path; the
latter you must bear, and the former overcome – all by His help. His
help comes only through concentration. Repetition of God’s name helps
– Swami Ramdas

God is not external to anyone, but is present with all things, though they are ignorant that He is so.
– Plotinus

Love without condition, without strings. The only strings are your
devotion to the Light, to God, to Spirit, to the awareness of Self.
– John-Roger, Loving Each Day

The thing that changes negative into positive is the willingness to do just that.

No one is going to do it for you; you have to do it yourself. The
Mystical Traveler will go through it with you and hold with you, but
you must make the change, and as soon as you turn inside the Traveler
is there supporting the positive.

It’s amazing that each time you move from the negative to the positive
it gets easier and easier, and pretty soon you are spending most of
your time in positive patterns.

– John-Roger, Q and A Journal From the Heart


There is a whole level of love, Light, Spirit, and God that’s beyond
the physical veil of the body, that is so dynamic. You say, “Why don’t
I know that?” Why don’t you look at it?

“How do I look at it?” First, you remove the veil of suffering and
anguish and guilt. Then you have to find yourself worthy to look. It
has nothing to do with your color, stature, sex, emotions, mind, the
food you eat, or anything else. It is only that ability to look, just

You say, “I’m looking! I’m looking!” You are not looking; you are
intensifying your whole position. so we tell you to relax. Relax the
consciousness. When that ego consciousness relaxes, you move past it
into the part that is you, and then it makes very little difference
what this level is. Truly, it makes very little difference.

– John-Roger, Walking with the Lord


Friends, if you could only see yourselves as we see you, as your higher selves see you, you would be truly amazed.

You are far more than you have ever imagined. You are far more powerful
than you have ever dreamt. You are so powerful you can –and often do
— create lives of misery and gloom. It takes a lot more of your energy
to create a sad life than it does a happy life.

Your natural state is that of well-being. Happiness is natural. Joy is
natural. Good health is natural. Abundance is natural. All the good
things you’ve ever wanted in your lives — these are natural. 
They are your birthright as human beings “descended from,” if you will,
your higher selves, and from god, goddess, spirit.

And so if you simply get out of your own way, all good things will flow
to you easily and effortlessly. Living (and dying) would be a true joy
to you.

But most of you have forgotten all that. You have, instead, bought into the mass consciousness, the consciousness of fear.

You know what we’re talking about — life is dangerous, dying is
disaster. And nowhere between life and death do you find any joy. 
Or, as a family member of John’s put it some years ago, “Life’s a bitch
and then you die.”

That was never the way your higher selves and that divine energy you perceive as god, goddess, intended you to live.

You came to this lifetime to experience the vast diversity of life on
Planet Earth. Whatever birth circumstances you (that is, your higher
self) chose, the intent was to be a joyful creator, picking and
choosing among all the glorious choices and opportunities available to

Life is supposed to be good. It’s supposed to be fun. Fear — either of living or dying — is not supposed to be part of this.

Yet fear is a part of your lives, at least for many of you. And
that’s because you’ve surrendered to the mass consciousness. And you’ve
abandoned the wisdom you carried with you when you incarnated.

We shall talk more of this another time. But for now, friends, trust that all is well.

– Chief Joseph


Man loves because he is Love. He seeks Joy, for he is Joy. He thirsts
for God for he is composed of God and he cannot exist without Him.
– Sathya Sai Baba

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart… Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.
– Carl Jung