Yearly Archive: 2006

OK, I’ve been neglecting y’all again.  Been busy, and had friends feeding me a lot more then I need to be eating.  They use the excuse of the season… well, spending it in the hospital is not my idea of a happy holiday season.  My blood pressure is 40 points high, and the only way I’m going to lower it is to LOSE WEIGHT.  At least 25-30 pounds.  I appreciate the attention and love and companionship, but, COME ON PEOPLE.

My neighbor across the hall has been trying to hook me up with her friends.  It’s not going to happen.  I won’t be with someone I can’t talk to, I don’t care how sweet she is.  Some of y’all though Kayla was dumb, well, she’s NOT.  I could talk to her about anything.  (Shame she couldn’t do the same for me… but ah well.)  The people Myra has been trying to fix me up with, well, I’ve had better conversations with rocks and trees… that’s not meant as an insult, although I know it can be taken as one.  They’re good people.  But I don’t need someone who needs me controlling their life because they don’t know any better and don’t want to learn.  I need a friend and partner. 

Anyhow, having a fun time, getting everything I want except lower credit card bills… need to get off my ass and get a job so I can reduce those… Mom and Dad have been very helpful, just am trying to not need any help and failing.

Guess I should stop ranting now.

Aum namaha Shivaye!


Open Mic

played at last night’s (Thursday) Open Mic at the Courtyard Gallery. 
I’d like to be doing this more often, but whatever.  I played a nice
set of 3 songs… can’t wait to hear the podcast to see which one got
selected (last time I played he included my whole set).

The Courtyard Gallery’s TrueHome Open
Mic Night is held every Thursday night from 9 to midnight.  The entire
night is digitally recorded, and Carlos (the gallery owner) edits it
down to somewhere around an hour and posts it at his website – – as a free podcast download.  The
results of a Thursday night performance are posted the following
Monday.  Last week’s podcast was downloaded by over 11,000 people…
the room only holds around 50.  Now if I could just find a program that
cuts a large audio file into sections… that is free…

songs I performed were “Hasten Down the Wind” by Warren Zevon, “Cows
With Guns” by The Arrogant Worms, and “First Christmas” by Stan
Rogers.  At least one will be included in the podcast.


Had a wonderful weekend with SerpentStone Family.. the Yule Gathering was a little early this year, but it usually is…  Got more contact with all the wonderful loving people who are still part of SerpentStone.  I myself was cycling between feeling really a solid part of the Family and having major insecurity problems, but that was all between my ears and is a continuation of the problems I’ve been having.

I’m waiting for the new issue of to come out… hope y’all read my article this month (for that matter, go back in the archives and read my past articles, I’ve been included since the May issue).

My Panthers lost today.  It was a sad game, they couldn’t get a running game together and Chris Weinke (long my favorite QB on the team but never gets a chance) threw for nearly 450 yards… but 3 interceptions and 0-for-2 on 4th down.

Guess I’d better run.  My phone’s ringing again.


OK, I’m feeling a bit better today.  Got a lot done, even though it sent me into anxiety for a while.  Frankie got her nurse to drive her up, and we spent a pleasant time at lunch and did a tad bit of shopping.  Had a nice phone call with Viola… got a couple belated birthday wishes from cousins who have not talked to me in a looooooooooooooooooong time.  I’ll be all right, just like I said before.


Your heart is the temple where God should be enshrined. Your good thoughts are the flowers, your good words the hymns, your good deeds the rituals. And love is the offering.

– Mata Amritanandamayi Ma (also called Maa Amma, known as “the hugging saint”)

Guess I wasn’t supposed to have fun today.  I got lots of good wishes, a few presents, a couple of cards… but I just felt bad all day.  Nothing could cheer me up.  Couldn’t find anyone to go out with… Myra fed me some storebrand pizza, which didn’t stay down.  And then my Panthers blew a perfectly good lead in the 4th quarter and lost the game.


OK.  It’s another of those days that comes once a year.  My birthday.  It’s hard to face alone, especially as I get older.  Still in good health, would love to have someone to share with… actually I have two friends I can share anything with except my life, apartment, body… all the insignificant stuff… taking applications, must not be in need of money.  I can take care of myself, but can’t afford you.  Them’s the breaks.  Looking for a good man, I’m right here; looking for a good wardrobe, go find a football player or lawyer to take care of you.

Depressed as usual.  Sorry.  Things are going well, just not where I most want them to.



Your heart is the temple where God should be enshrined. Your good thoughts are the flowers, your good words the hymns, your good deeds the rituals. And love is the offering.
– Mata Amritanandamayi Ma

My friend, Pam, is going away for a while.  The time frame is indeterminate, and the reasons are her own to tell or not.  But she has been a part of my support for some time, and will be missed.

I attempted to get my move to the new building completed today, in terms of paperwork, but was stymied at every turn.  The apartment itself would be great, the building is great, but the people who are managing it are doing it all wrong and it might even be a worse situation than I have with my current landlord.  At any rate, IF I am going to get an apartment in the building, I am going to have to start all over again on the application process.  This is because, despite the fact that there has been no available apartment or move-in date, there was a 90-day limit on my earlier application, a fact which had not been discussed in my hearing (or at all in writing) prior to Monday morning.  My housing coordinator, Teri, is supportive, and is willing to talk about other possible available apartments, but moving is not fun without transportation and this would have just been a move next door… she is not aware of any other low-income apartments downtown.  Probably better to stay put… but Mr. Parker has been getting worse and nosier, and has been doing less and less maintenance each year.  The physical status of my current apartment is approaching being below HUD standards.

I did get my latest article submitted for the December issue of e-zine.  It looks like a good article.  I am pleased with the quality of all my articles for them, and hope I can think of something to write about for the January issue.


I saw my therapist, Phil, yesterday. We discussed all the little crises that have been throwing me off, and that they have not been throwing me off like they used to… he was really impressed with how well I’m holding together.  We printed out and discussed my latest article for and how reality is created by each of us, and talked about how and why I was creating these crises.  I am working at healing myself, without blame for anyone else.  It’s a hard thing to do, but I’m getting the message.

I will be visiting the new apartment with my housing coordinator, Teri, at 2 pm today.  It may not work out — they want me to move much faster than I believe is proper, since I have not yet given formal notice to my current landlord.  If we can’t work out the details, then I may just stay where I am.  Might have to do a complete cleanup of the apartment in order to stay here.  The new apartment would be larger, although not as large as the property manager thinks it is.  Also a problem with the new manager, she keeps treating me like I’m some low-function mentally handicapped person.  She’s no better, but she seems to think she is.  Wish me luck… whatever is supposed to happen is what will happen.  It will either be a smooth move or no move at all.

I haven’t heard from Kayla for a day or so.  Hope she’s doing all right.  But I have to take care of me first (thanks, Flamez, for keeping me on track on this).

My parents came through in a very generous way for my birthday and Christmas money.  I think I got everything on my wishlist and still have money to pay bills and even overpay a couple of them.  Not enough to get out of debt, but that’s not their job.  I need to get my holiday cards out soon.

Hope y’all are doing well.



The most destructive habit…………………………Worry
The greatest Joy…………………………………Giving
The greatest loss……………………Loss of self-respect

The most satisfying work…………………..Helping others
The ugliest personality trait…………………Selfishness
The most endangered species……………..Dedicated leaders

Our greatest natural resource…………………..Our youth
The greatest “shot in the arm”………………Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome…………………….Fear

The most effective sleeping pill…………….Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease………………..Excuses
The most powerful force in life……………………..Love

The most dangerous pariah……………………..A gossiper
The world’s most incredible computer…………….The brain
The worst thing to be without…. ……………….. Hope

The deadliest weapon………………………….The tongue
The two most power-filled words…………………..”I Can”
The greatest asset………………………………..Faith

The most worthless emotion……………………..Self-pity
The most beautiful attire…………………………SMILE!
The most prized possession……………………. Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication………….Prayer
The most contagious spirit…………………….Enthusiasm

– anonymous


A human being is a part of the whole, called by us, “Universe,” a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security.

— Albert Einstein – (1879-1955) Physicist and Professor, Nobel Prize 1921


Live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about his religion. Respect others in their views and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and of service to your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.

Always give a word or sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, or even a stranger, if in a lonely place. Show respect to all people, but grovel to none. When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself.

Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.

— Tecumseh -(1768-1813) Shawnee Chief

Our only political party has two right wings, one called Republican, the other Democratic. But Henry Adams figured all that out back in the 1890s. ‘We have a single system,’ he wrote, and ‘in that system the only question is the price at which the proletariat is to be bought and sold, the bread and circuses.’

— Gore Vidal – The Decline and Fall of the American Empire


The liberty of a democracy is not safe if the people tolerate the growth of private power to the point where it becomes stronger than the democratic state itself. That in its essence is fascism – ownership of government by an individual, by a group or any controlling private power.

— President Franklin Delano Roosevelt


We stand for the maintenance of private property… We shall protect free enterprise as the most expedient, or rather the sole possible economic order.

— Adolph Hitler


If a baseball player slides into home plate and, right before the umpire rules if he is safe or out, the player says to the umpire — ‘Here is $1,000.’ What would we call that? We would call that a bribe. If a lawyer was arguing a case before a judge and said, ‘Your honor before you decide on the guilt or innocence of my client, here is $1,000.’ What would we call that? We would call that a bribe. But if an industry lobbyist walks into the office of a key legislator and hands her or him a check for $1,000, we call that a campaign contribution. We should call it a bribe.

— Janice Fine – Dollars and Sense magazine

Senior Moments

Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to

Answer: NUTS!

Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?

They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to
store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?

Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Two members of my spiritual Family, SerpentStone, have died in the past week, one from cancer and the other from a heart attack.  The latter was pretty close to me… I’ll be going to the memorial service on Wednesday.  Also, three more have been diagnosed with different cancers, two of them recurrences.  This is a rough period for us.  I look forward to our Yule Gathering, which will be the weekend following my birthday.

Friday afternoon, Andy, Stacy and Robert came over to get the rest of Andarea’s stuff from my apartment.  Whew.  Could finally relax.  Then, with Pam visiting and watching movies with me, there was a knock on the window, and it was Andy.  When I went to the door to let him in, it was Andy PLUS Andarea and Stacy.  They had been run off their campsite by the Sheriffs Deputies and needed a place to stay.  I said no.  I let them rest up and get warm, but they left within the hour.  Pam helped me settle down (also a helpful call to Frankie), and we watched the rest of the movie we were watching plus a couple more videos.  I felt totally dragged out yesterday, and Viola suggested working on my shields.  I got the sage bundle a-burning (smokier than I’d ever seen it) and cleansed the place.  Within an hour, my energy was back.

Today was fairly uneventful… my Panthers lost a game they should have won, but aren’t out of it yet.  I read some to Frankie on the phone, might go back and do a little more later tonight.  Some phone calls.  Everything is back to “normal”, sort of.  I have an appointment with Phil tomorrow.

Guess that’s it.