Monthly Archive: July 2006

My grandmother is sometimes aware, other times (most times) confused.  She keeps insisting they have been bringing her breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the convalescent facility, whereas she is totally being fed by IV.  Mom bring her her mail, and she complains she should be home picking up her mail.  My parents are wearing themselves out keeping up her house and visiting her.

As for me, I might be taking a vacation soon.  I’m really worn to a frazzle with all my responsibilities, and it might be time to try another location and relax.

Tomorrow I’m going with my friend Lenny to talk to the Police Chief about his case.  It has been a while since I mentioned it, so here it is.  Lenny was arrested last year and spent 3 months in Buncombe County Jail on something he didn’t do, and the legal case is still not resolved.  (While Lenny was in jail, I was the only person who visited him.)  A former landlord confiscated all his property and kicked him out, then used his computer and files to send life-threatening letters to people in Lenny’s home state of New Hampshire.  All these had Lenny’s name on them, but no fingerprints or handwriting; many of them were mailed from all over the country, during the time he was either in the psych ward at the VA Hospital or in Buncombe County Jail, but the prosecutor in New Hampshire seems to think it’s easier to prosecute the victim than to look for the actual perpetrator of these crimes, regardless of the fact that Lenny gave them his name and address.  Nobody locally is investigating it either, which is odd since the perpetrator lives here.  I don’t know what the Police Chief can do, but I’m going with Lenny since I know the Police Chief and have some standing in the community.

My friend Singer is back in Asheville.  All her friends, including me, have missed her badly.  We hope to see her at the ARMHC meeting tomorrow night.

Guess that’s about it for now.



Healing Process: Steps 1 – 12

by Cheryl Canfield

It isn’t possible to make good, conscious decisions in the midst of confusion and shock. Slow down and don’t be rushed. Listen to your inner voice. Weigh the options and make decisions and choices based on what you feel is right for you. We stay far more empowered when we take charge and make decisions we feel good about.

An empowered attitude is always in sync with inner guidance or a sense of rightness about something. Developing an empowered attitude requires a conscious effort to change any habits we have adopted that make us feel weak, overwhelmed, or powerless. An empowered attitude is one that knows that whatever the circumstances, you can and will find a way to keep or regain a sense of centeredness and strength within yourself.

A healing environment is the foundation upon which we can live our lives more fully present and alive. The place to start constructing that environment is from within. We begin to create order out of chaos by first building an inner sanctuary where we can retreat at any time to reconnect with our centeredness and grounding. A healing environment is also something we can create externally by consciously transforming the space around us that we have control over — our offices and home environments — to be places that inspire us, lift our spirits, and connect us with our hearts.

Forgiveness is often one of the hardest things to practice, but it is a powerful means of personal transformation. When we forgive we are saying, in essence, that we are no longer willing to carry around pain in response to someone else’s actions. Forgiveness is a core life lesson. It means cutting the cord of resentment and trusting God or spirit to bring that person the experiences he or she needs to heal.

Beliefs and attitudes can become so embedded in our subconscious minds that it’s easy to lose sight of them. We can even hold conflicting beliefs without being aware of it. The words we use to communicate are symbols of our internal beliefs and as we pay attention to the words we use (and the thoughts we think) we may discover attitudes and beliefs within ourselves that don’t support our healing.

Paying attention to how we spend our energy can provide major clues in the process of healing. When we hold on to bitterness or anger or fear toward another it is ourselves, not the object of our focus that is hurt. Holding on to negative feelings is simply an exhausting expenditure of energy that can lead to emotional and physical bankruptcy. To really heal we need to open up to the transforming power of compassion and forgiveness, both toward ourselves and others.

It’s common to feel isolated when facing a life-threatening or debilitating condition, even when surrounded by loved ones. We need and can appreciate the support from family and friends, but we also need support from more neutral sources — who can hear what we’re feeling without being hurt or shocked, or who have had similar experiences. A supportive counselor can be invaluable, as can a support group with empowering guidelines.

Our lives are often so cluttered and busy that we find ourselves racing to keep up. What we lose are the simple basics of life that provide the balance we desperately need: walks in nature, unhurried time with our loved ones, precious quiet time alone for meditation or reading or just being mindfully grateful for the many gifts around us. Changes don’t have to happen overnight but if your life is tied up, start loosening the knots.

In order to be at peace with ourselves we need to live from a place of personal integrity. Living with integrity means that we know ourselves well and can trust ourselves to do the right thing. If we can’t trust ourselves we don’t trust others. The best way to establish a sense of trust in life and safety in relationships is to practice personal integrity. It doesn’t matter what someone else is doing. What matters is how we choose to live our own lives.

Intuition is not a gift that some people have and others don’t. It’s a built in system that we all have; but as muscles that atrophy from lack of use, it simply becomes weak if we don’t pay attention. We’ve all felt it. It might be a hunch or an uncomfortable feeling that nudges us to do something. Too often, though, we don’t trust our intuitions when they come, especially when they seem silly or irrational. Too often, we simply don’t act on them. But if we continue to tune them out, we stop being aware of them.

It sounds simple enough to love ourselves, but all too often we become so wrapped up in feelings of guilt or low self-esteem that it isn’t easy to do.. Most of us carry around an inner critical voice that is often called the critical parent. Considering this, most of us could benefit from consciously directing our inner dialogue to be that of an encouraging parent. An interesting thing about learning to give ourselves unconditional love is that it creates an opening that lets others in more fully.

One of the biggest stressors we put on ourselves is trying to control situations or outcomes that are out of our hands. Whenever a difficulty or problem confronts us, we can break it down into components: the parts we can do something about, and those that we can release. There is a solution to every difficulty we encounter, a way through or around or over the top of the mountain. We have incredible potential and creativity within us, just waiting to be tapped.

This article was excerpted from Profound Healing, ©2004, by Cheryl Canfield.

Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Healing Arts Press.


The Creator designed us to learn by trial and  error. The path of life we walk is very wide. Everything on the path is  sacred – what we do right is sacred – but our mistakes are also sacred. This  is the Creator’s way of teaching spiritual people. To criticize ourselves  when we make mistakes is not part of the spiritual path. To criticize  mistakes is not the Indian way. To learn from our mistakes is the Indian way.  The definition of a spiritual person is someone who makes 30-50 mistakes  each day and talks to the Creator after each one to see what to do next  time. This is the way of the Warrior.

Today let me see my mistakes as a positive process. Let me  learn the aha’s of life… Awaken my awareness so I can see the great  learning that You, my Creator, have designed for my  life.

Antagonistic Social Syndrome

(stolen from Patricia Lefave, Beyond the Psychiatric Box)

New Disease Scheduled for DSM Infects Psychiatrists Due To Genetic Predisposition

Antagonistic Social Syndrome (A.S.S.)
By Patricia Lefave, Labeled, D.D.(P)

Are you suffering from A.S.S.?
out now. Here is a checklist of signs and symptoms to help you in
understanding the diagnosis. If you have seven or more of these common
signs, please don’t hesitate to get ‘help’ from an expert in A.S.S. We
at the A.S.S. Foundation are working hard to remove the stigma attached
to suffering from A.S.S. so that more people will find out the truth
and seek treatment. Studies have shown that once you have a name for
something, you will feel a whole let better about it because you will
be able to tell yourself you can’t help being an A.S.S. since it is not
that you ARE an A.S.S. It is that you HAVE A.S.S.

Many mental
health professionals can help you with your understanding of A.S.S. as
they themselves are often sufferers and have a great deal of experience
suppressing the symptoms. It is a real bona fide disease which we, at
the A.S.S. Foundation believe is caused by your defective brains. So,
come forward and get the help you need if you have the following signs
and symptoms or if you see others suffering from the same ones.
Especially if you see it in others more than yourselves because they
probably don’t know they have it. (You want to help others don’t you?)

The signs and symptoms include the following:

1. Do you believe that your particular group represents all that is sane in the world?

2. Do you ‘overlook’ abusive behaviour if it is done by ‘authority’ figures and expect others to do the same?

3. Do you call the legitimate complaints about boundary violations, ‘whining’?

4. Do you deny the existence of victims in the world, often saying the word itself with a tone of disdain?

5. Do you try to abstract your own limited concrete experience and make it the standard of judgment for all others?

Do you think that education makes people superior human beings in
general and that the educated understand more about almost anything
than anyone who is not educated?

7. Do you like to please ‘authority’ figures? Are they like substitute parents to you? Do you avoid disagreement with them?

Are you prone to the use of abstract platitudes, or quoting others as a
means of stopping debate or of supplying ‘proof’ of your superior mind?

9. Do you like to control others for THEIR own good?

10. Do you claim other people are causing you to act out against them as an A.S.S. sufferer?

11. Do you consistently refuse to listen to any other point of view or just dismiss it as nonsense?

12. Are you unable to see a connection between your own aggressive behaviour and your target’s resistance or objection to it?

13. Do you lie to people and then ‘wonder’ why they don’t trust you?

14. Do you claim to be keeping someone’s confidence and then blab everything you are told?

Do you deny the other person’s correct perception of you in order to
keep from being held accountable for your own behaviour?

16. Do you operate mostly from behind a personable façade and talk basically in sound bites for effect?

17. Do you focus on the surface appearance of things most of the time so that you won’t have to look any deeper?

18. Do you demand people go along with your illusions and lies and then kid yourself that you are really fooling them?

19. Do you abuse power to get your own way?

Do you talk about those you consider to be your inferiors when you are
four feet away from them and then tell yourself that they can’t see you
or hear you?

21. Do you consistently behave in a sneaky
duplicitous manner and then claim the person who knows that or who
objects to it is irrational?

22. Do you try to convince others that those who tell the truth about you are irrational?

23. Do you mock and ridicule other people for recognizing the truth about who you really are?

24. Do you mock people who are strangers to you?

Do you habitually turn reality around one hundred and eighty degrees so
you won’t have to know that you are wrong about anything?

Example: You violate someone else’s personal boundaries then try to
convince them THEY are having a reaction problem, a perception problem,
or a character problem; not you?
(This last one is very high on the A.S.S. rating scale)

above traits represent the most common signs of this problem. Check
this list and see how you score. If you have over seven of these
symptoms, you may qualify for residency in a housing project with the
rest of us who think we know what an A.S.S. sufferer looks like.

least if you manage to get into an A.S.S. community program, you will
have name for what you suffer and the right to correct everyone’s
perceptions and reactions to it by explaining to them that you have a
REAL medical condition diagnosed by bona fide doctors. No one can argue
with a doctor. Once it is official that you have A.S.S. the world will
just have to accept you as your are.

We at the A.S.S. Foundation
are working tirelessly to secure your rights to be an A.S.S. sufferer
and to suffer along with you for it. Soon, the right to hate, harass,
mock and ridicule others without restraint, will be recognized as your
‘incurable’ condition and the world will even applaud your great
courage in living with your condition, rather than fighting it.

yes. If you are anybody rich or famous and would like to offer yourself
publicly as an example of the A.S.S. Syndrome and IF you are a
satisfied customer in agreement with psychiatry about it, please
contact the A.S. S. Foundation, a division of Big Pharma, “Always looking for a new treatment to make the world go away and put a smile on every face.”

My grandmother is up and walking around a bit.

That’s my mom on the far left side of the picture…

Life is being lifelike.  I got some money for groceries today and went and spent it, then spent the rest of the evening feeling wiped out.  I won’t bother you with the weird things happening in my so-called love life.  I don’t think I believe them, so why should you?



Your Sacred Self

You are sacred, and in order to know it you must transcend the old belief system you’ve adopted. You are a divine being called to know your sacred self by mastering the key to higher awareness. Your sacred self can triumph over your ego identities and be the dominate force in your life. You can radiate this awareness beyond your own boundaries and affect
everyone on our planet.

The ancient spiritual writings in the Cabbala have a very pertinent teaching that I would like you to come to know. It is suggested in them that our purpose here is to move from lower levels of living to higher planes. But in order to move to the next level we must fall down first…to acquire and generate the necessary energy to propel ourselves to the next level.

Thus every single fall that you experience is really an opportunity to acquire energy. The added energy provides the turbo boost to move up and fulfill your purpose on the next level. Your sacred self knows that your falls are necessary for the achievement of this gold.

– Wayne W. Dyer


The Incas of Peru had an old expression, “the flowering of my tears.”   This represented the time of fulfillment which came after a long period of difficulty and sorrow.
Our tears continually water the Earth and finally, after we have cried and cried, after we have let go of so much, after we have passed through the searing fires of initiation and the dark night of the soul, the flowers start to grow. These aren’t just ordinary flowers, they are precious, sacred flowers. Flowers that can only grow after we have passed through a time of struggle and transformation, a time of rebirthing into a new life.
May your tears always flower,
– Kathy Doore

OK, here’s the skinny on Frankie.  She drove, with her granddaughter, most of the way home, and stopped in Spartanburg SC at a Waffle House for dinner.  She did not know she was sick, but when she opened the door to go in, the smell of the food hit her in the face, and she collapsed, threw up, and passed out.  She was taken by ambulance to Spartanburg Memorial Hospital, where she stayed for 4 days.  She did not have a cell phone or calling card, so she couldn’t call anyone.  After she got home (I’m skipping a day or two, for lack of information), the Sheriff’s Dept. took her granddaughter to the Sheriff’s Department, and her parents, who were already in Asheville, came to get her and take her home.  Frankie was really sick when I talked to her yesterday, sounds a little better today.

And no, I didn’t know any of this until today.  I had been told bits and pieces, but everyone seemed to think I knew everything already and was holding out on THEM.

Had a couple of difficult times today online.  Am talking to Kayla now.  Good to hear from her.



Until one is committed, there is hesitancy
the chance to draw back,
always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative (and creation).
There is one elemental truth,
the ignornance of which kills countless ideas
and splendid plans—
that the moment one definitely commits oneself,
then Providence moves all.
All sorts of things occur to help one
that would never otherwise have occurred.
A whole stream of events issue from the decision,
raising in one’s favor all manner of incidents
and meetings and material assistance
which no one could have dreamed would come his or her way.
Whatever you can do or dream, you can begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
Begin it now

– Goethe (1749-1832)

Review of New Year’s Resolutions

It has been more than half the year, and I need to look and see how I’m doing.

Here are the resolutions I posted at the beginning of the year:

  1. Break the habit of smoking.  I smoked for years without
    being addicted; the last 2 years or so have not been that way.  I
    don’t have to quit, just have to stop wanting it… smoking once every
    2-3 days is not that bad, and I used to do just that.
  2. Work on debt issues.  Get more paid work and use it to bring
    debt down.  I should be able to kill $4-5,000 of my debt this
    year.  I’ve already ground up several credit cards so I can’t use
    them; only have two left.
  3. STAY SINGLE.  I need to keep this up until at least Summer
    of ’08.  I’m too damned generous, and it gets me deeper in debt
    every time.
  4. Study how I can replace as much as possible of my supplements with better eating habits, and DO IT.
  5. Lose weight.  Headed right direction again, 262 this morning
    (over 280 in October).  Need to cut out fatty, salty foods (lose
    the chips n’ cheese, Moss).  (Starting Dr. Abravanel’s A-type
    diet.)  Should be able to get to and maintain 240, and work for
  6. Keep up walking program.  (Projected for 2007 – get in regular exercise at the Y or other gym.)

1.  Hasn’t gone so well.  I have only smoked a half-a-pipe in the past 5 days, but that’s because I have a cold.  I will try to build on that.
2.  Going all right overall.  I was getting a lot of work earlier in the year, but that has tailed off markedly.  I have done about 2/3 of my hopes and dreams here, which is really not bad… doing any more and I wouldn’t have a life.  I get the credit union loan paid off the first of August, and then will get a new one which will take care of over half the remaining debt.  I later made this one more specific, that I would not buy any books this year, and soon after added CDs and DVDs to the list.  I bought one CD before putting that on the list.  I have not bought any books, but being a member of Paperback Swap Book Club has certainly helped.
3.  I’ve had two “fantasy” (i.e., online) girlfriends this year, one in Rio de Janeiro and now one in Montreal.  The woman in Montreal looks like a keeper, if I can get her here.  She has stated she will be coming down in November, at which point I will consider this resolution broken.  The main idea behind this was to spend less money, since I didn’t have enough to take care of myself and needed to reduce my debts. It’s not that the women I get involved with are greedy, it’s that, with somewhat low self-esteem, I keep trying to pay them for putting up with being with me. I don’t withhold love, but resort to bribery anyhow, I guess.  Need to work on that.  In spirit, I have kept this one up pretty well.
4.  I tried this, I really did.  I made major changes in my diet to enhance my supplements.  And then my gout flared up.  It seems that, with my kidneys damaged from years of lithium carbonate use, most of the foods that have the nutrients I need are also uric acid producers, which means gout flareups.
5.  No gain.  Not much loss.  Last time I stepped on the scale I was 260.5.  I’ve cut out the chips for the most part, don’t seem to live without cheese but I’m not eating much.  Have not continued Dr. Abravanel’s diet, indeed have forgotten what my diet in that book should be, largely because I’ve been trying to stay healthy and not have gout.
6.  Have not kept up the program as an exercise, but I’ve been outside much more often and have been trying to walk anywhere I can get to in 20 minutes or less, barring bad weather or good friends offering me a ride.  I have been offered a gym membership, but my schedule is too full to get there very often and the bus service is pretty rough to that area.

OK, not bad.  Haven’t busted any of them to smithereens, but I could be doing better.  Still, how many people do you know with unbroken resolutions this late in the year?



“Secrets of Happiness”

In American culture we are guaranteed the right to the pursuit of happiness, but most of us fall short of attaining this goal because we do not truly understand what we seek. If you want to be more successful in your quest, there are six secrets of happiness that you need to know.

First, you can’t get happy and stay happy. Permanent happiness is an unrealistic goal because being in the same emotional state all the time is called “boredom.” To experience happiness you need a point of comparison. Knowing that you are happy today means that you had to be unhappy yesterday. Happiness requires the ups and downs of life.

Second. The best way to experience happiness is to live in the present moment. This means to enjoy what you have while you have it. If you’re in the midst of your long-awaited trip Paris, France, be in Paris. Don’t be off in the future thinking about the next week’s trip to Rome, or you will miss Paris. Also, don’t dwell on unsolved problems you left back at home. Simply put, don’t distract yourself away from the happiness of present experience, or you rob yourself of it.

Third. Know the difference between needs and wants. A “need” is for something essential that we could not do without. A “want,” on the other hand, is an embellishment of a need. A want is something we desire but which is not critical to our physical and psychological well-being. We need food, but we may want a seven-course meal. We need shelter, but we may want a condo at the beach. It is important to satisfy our needs and some of our wants and not to get the two confused. Doing so only distracts from happiness.

Fourth. Be kind to other people. Doing something helpful for another person calls upon your inner strengths and virtues and generates a positive emotion. Kindness also focuses your attention away from yourself, and people are happier when they are not self-absorbed.

Fifth. Be forgiving. Forgiveness frees you to recapture the energy that you may be locking up in feelings of sadness and anger or with thoughts of revenge. Let go of the past, and forgiveness puts you back in charge of yourself and empowers you for the enjoyment of life.

Six. Practice gratitude. You probably have more to appreciate than you know. Intentionally look for the positive in your life, and you may find many small things to brighten your day, such as a friend’s hug, a child’s smile, or a stranger’s kindness in a crowded checkout line. Learn to be grateful, and you will be happier.

If you practice these “secrets” of happiness, the reward may be greater than happiness. You may experience joy. Joy is thought to be deeper and more abiding than happiness. The experience of joy gets us out of ourselves and in contact with something greater than we are. This deeper connection of joy includes but surpasses happiness and can stay with us and sustain us even through the hard times of life.
Dan Johnston, Ph.D. and “Awakenings Web Site: Tools for Psychological and Spiritual Growth” at


There is no way out of the circle of blame but to stop blaming. Yet, be prepared. If you would step off the wheel of suffering, you may find that you aren’t very popular. Those who don’t join in the world’s game of projection are the very first to be attacked. If you learned nothing from this life, you must have learned this! Anyone who would acknowledge his own fear without projecting it threatens the world’s game. Anyone who would own his murderous thoughts and seek to find their roots within consciousness threatens the moral fabric of society.
– Paul Ferrini, Love Without Conditions

Some men know that a light touch of the tongue, running from a woman’s toes to her ears, lingering in the softest way possible in various places in between, given often enough and sincerely enough, would add immeasurably to world peace.
– Marianne Williamson

Frankie is home.  That’s all I know right now, except that she sounds horrible and claims to have an awful intestinal flu.  Since her safety was my chief concern, I can beat her up about what all this did to me when she feels better.  I have written my closest friends who were involved with my feelings on the issue, and have written Raven’s family to determine her status.


From my Dad, re: Grandma:

Mom is looking somewhat better. But she hasn’t had anything to eat since yesterday and very little of it got to her stomach.

we were told that she does have aspirated pneumonia. The X-rays showed
that some of the food that she ate yesterday got into her lungs.  She had an IV in her arm all day and when they came to give her a bath she pulled it out before the nurse could say, “Don’t”.

before we left tonight around 7:30 P. M. we had them put the IV back in
her arm with liquid in one and antibiotics in the other. Both are fed
into the same Heparin lock in the back of her hand. The nurse then
asked if it was okay to put restraints on her so she couldn’t pull the
IV out again.  We agreed that it was okay to do so.
Mom is still not able to speak much above a hoarse whisper and it takes a great effort on her part to do even that.  
Tomorrow, we have to get with the doctor and authorize the use of a feeding tube  the
NG (Nasal-Gastrointestinal—into the stomach through the nose). This
will be temporary to give her time to overcome the pneumonia. Tonight I
got the Doctor’s phone number and will attempt to contact him tomorrow.
There is some talk of putting her on Hospice in her own home  or at Woodruff Convalescent Center   They will give us 14 days more (about August 4th) before a decision has to be made and if she is improving during that time the time could be extended to 100 day.



I went to Open Mic Night tonight, and probably did my best performance yet.  We’re supposed to be limited to 10 minutes, but they asked me to keep playing until I was over 20, and then asked me back at the end for yet another song.  My voice, a bit rough from a recent cold (still have a touch of bronchitis from it), had just the right amount of range, inflection, etc., and my emotions matched the material perfectly, despite playing 5 very different songs emotionally.  I wish I could play this well every night.

Pam has decided to rekindle our friendship.  I don’t know what to say or do about it, but I liked her as a friend before.  If you have been reading for a while, you will remember that Pam dumped me… despite the fact that we weren’t in a relationship and I wasn’t ABOUT to get into one.  She is a wonderful poet and a good friend, but her bipolar tends to run wild cycles.  I like helping people, and Pam is worth being a friend to.  I hope we can work this out.  Anyhow, Pam requested a song at Open Mic, and then afterwards walked all the way home with me and sat in my living room talking and listening to musical selections.  I then walked her all the way back to The Courtyard, where her bike was locked up, and then she walked her bike all the way back to my place before going home.  It was well after 2 am by that time, and all that walking in this heat (plus the Open Mic room itself was an oven) meant I needed a shower.

Still no word from Frankie.  And Suzane does not appear to be online yet, usually we’ve been talking for an hour about now…  I missed a phone call from Viola, who is working on writing some rituals for my next article in PaganPages, but I’ll call her tomorrow.

Do I sound busy to you?  LOL




by Lonny J. Brown, Ph.D.

Do you take your body for granted? Actually, if you can, that’s a healthy sign that it’s working just fine, and not making any uncomfortable demands on your awareness. Your body has evolved according to an ingenious three million year-old blueprint to function automatically and constantly under a variety of circumstances, with a minimum of conscious attention. It efficiently assimilates food and eliminates waste, deftly cools and warms itself as conditions require, and silently monitors and repairs thousands of components, even as you obliviously go about your business. How miraculous that all this can happen on its own, without the slightest effort on your part!

But sometimes ignoring our bodies can lead to neglect and abuse, which in turn cause illness and disease. Perhaps a little more appreciation would lead to better self-care, or help us heal when things do go out of order. Why not take a few moments of your busy day, and read the following amazing facts about that marvel of functional design, your body. Perhaps your renewed appreciation will motivate you to make better choices on behalf of your faithful vehicle, and help insure many more years of productive, trouble-free service.

  • Your body is made up of approximately 100 trillion individual cells.
  • Your brain has ten billion nerve cells, and over a trillion different electrical circuits. The number of possible interconnections is ten with eight hundred zeros after it. This is eight times the number of atoms in the universe! Your brain, many times more complex than the most advanced computers, operates on the amount of electrical power that would light a 10-watt bulb.
  • Think you know the back of your hand pretty well? Just a 3/4-inch square patch of skin, only one-twentieth of an inch thick contains: 9 feet of blood vessels, 600 pain sensors, 300 sweat glands, 9000 nerve endings, 36 heat sensors, and 75 pressure sensors.
  • The combined pulling strength of all the muscles in your body equals 25 tons.
  • Your body secretes more than seven quarts of digestive juices a day.
  • Your ears can discriminate among more than 300,000 tones. Factory noise is one million times as loud as a soft whisper.
  • Your eyes can distinguish nearly eight million differences in colors.
  • The surface area of your lungs is 1,000 square feet – 20 times greater than the surface area of your skin.
  • Your bones manufacture one billion new red blood cells every day, replacing old ones at the rate of two and one-half million per second.
  • Your blood serum is almost identical in chemical content to sea water.
  • All the blood vessels in your circulatory system total nearly 70 thousand miles in length.
  • Your heart will pump about 2.5 billion beats in your lifetime.
  • Every pound of excess fat you carry requires an extra 200 miles of capillaries.
  • Your digestive tract is 30 feet long.
  • One cubic inch of your bone can withstand a two-ton force.
  • There are more bacteria living on and in your body than there are people on the earth. Most of them are benign and even beneficial: You on intestinal bacteria to help you digest your food.

Grandma is doing worse.  She was better yesterday, but it seems she has inhaled a lot of food (pureed) instead of swallowing it (which is called aspirated pneumonia).  They have her on IV fluids only now, and are hoping to see if a feeding tube will help.  But I am not so optimistic now.

Frankie has not been found no heard from.

I had a meeting tonight, and nobody showed up.

All in all a really good day, if it weren’t so bloody hot.



Sutra 67 of the Nandinatha Sutras

Honoring The Values Of Others

All Siva’s devotees think globally and act locally as interracial, international citizens of the Earth. They honor and value all human cultures, faiths, languages and peoples, never offending one to promote another. Aum.


There is a center within all of us that brings peace, no matter what.

Let’s make a distinction between letting go and not caring.

Not caring brings apathy, loss of energy, and ultimately a resurgence of negative energy for bunches of complex reasons, not the least of which may be a breakdown of the denial that probably led to the not caring.

Letting go can be a whole different process. It is preceded by doing what we can, involving ourselves. In a sense, we have to take hold before we can claim to be letting go.

So letting go is about involvement first, then detachment, trusting we have done what we could, our job, met our responsibility toward the thing.

Letting go leads to that center of love, peace, and acceptance

Letting go is the basic process of meditation. Meditation is the practice of the technique of letting go.

Caring can sneak up on us in obsessive ways, seeming to be a good thing.  After all, shouldn’t we know and care about what is going on? Isn’t it our responsibility not to laugh and dance when things are going badly?

There is a point at which we have experienced the negative energy and awareness enough and it is time to let go. Healing is not about endless suffering.  Healing is exactly about letting go, coming to the pulse of life again with the love and joy that make life the truly beautiful thing that it is.

Care deeply. Do what you can.

Then let go. Release love into your circle, the world, the universe.

Copyright © 2003  by John MacEnulty
9/22/2003, St. Louis, MO

Some Mistakes Just Work Out

I thought tonight was Witches’ Meetup at Hannah Flanagan’s.  I was a little late as usual, and found Ishani and Wolfgang waiting for me… nobody else was there.  This was singularly unusual, since Lady Owl is ALWAYS there…  However, we sat and talked about it, and noticed that tonight was only the THIRD Tuesday of the month, and we meetup on the FOURTH.  hehehehehe oh well

But it turned into a powerful evening anyhow, as Ishani and Wolfgang and I talked about everything from here to there, and then Wolfgang did some consultation with me.  I won’t go into details, but a lot of smudges have been wiped off my soul, and I should be in better shape to deal with myself.

Still no word on Frankie.  Grandma is doing fine, as fine as a person less than a week out of surgery can be (with an expected 5 more weeks of rehabilitation before they can send her home, at the earliest).  Mom and Dad are worn out.  My cold is better.  The usual.

In your journey through life, may you step in no cosmic cowflops!



Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes.
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary,
because it means you’ve made a effort.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings.

~Author Unknown~

And the ultimate affirmation:

I’m good enough,
I’m smart enough,
and, gosh darn it,
people like me.

– S. Smalley

Oh yeah, forgot a major stressor… my best friend, Frankie, went to Florida Thursday night to pick up her granddaughter, Raven, for a week together.  They left Florida Friday morning and have not been seen or heard from since.  And there are some people who think I’m hiding her, or hiding information about her.  Like I needed that stress… bad enough to not know where she is.  And, like I can keep my mouth shut about anything (which might, if something is up, be why she hasn’t called me.)  I’ve looked all over the Internet to find accident databases, to no avail.  Most of the drive between Florida and Sylva is in Georgia… if anyone knows how and where to search for recent auto accidents in Georgia, let me know.

Dream last night…

I drove a shiny but not new (like, 1980s) red Ford pickup truck to a shopping center and parked it.  There was a church there, and I had an appointment to talk to someone.  I do not remember the appointment, if it happened; I do remember looking around the church, even checking some cabinets (one large cabinet opened to more locked cabinet doors behind).

When I left the church, I couldn’t find my truck.  (I can’t remember ever finding my vehicle where I left it in a dream…)  I went back into the church, and a lady there said she’d help me look.  We went outside and looked a bit; I found a truck that my door key fit, but it wasn’t mine.  She put her arm around me and said hold on, and started running, it was more like flying with our feet moving, barely touching the ground.  Somewhere along the way I thought to mput my arm around her as well.  After we went on for a while, she stopped.  We walked around a corner, and in a driveway was a truck that looked like mine.  I tried the door key and it worked, I tried the ignition key and it worked.  A man came out of the house.  When asked, he said it had been towed there — the tow truck was just across the street.  I protested that I had parked it legally.  The man asked for my address and such so he could report the fact that cars were being towed from legal parking.  I went to get my bag, where I keep my business cards. 

That’s all I remember.

This was the first time I can remember actually FINDING a vehicle I had left somewhere.  I have lots of dreams where I’m looking all over the area for them.  (Also the first time I can remember driving a truck.)



May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with optimism and courage. Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there even when you feel most alone. May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace. May a kind word, a reassuring touch, a warm smile, be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending. Teach love to those who know hate, and let that love embrace you as you go into the world.

May the teaching of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them. Remember, those whose lives you have touched and who have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less than you would have wished.


Find time in each day to see the beauty and love in the world around you. Realize that each person has limitless abilities,but each of us is different in our own way. What you may feel you lack in one regard may be more than compensated for in another. What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future. May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility.

Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.

May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another’s judgments of your accomplishments.

May you always feel loved.

(Author not noted)