Monthly Archive: July 2006

Irish asked me what was stressing me…

Quite simply, everything.  The heat and humidity drain my energy to where I can hardly do anything, I have so many meetings that it is getting hard to schedule around them, I can’t keep up with my email (some days I get people typing to me faster in Messenger than I can finish reading an email) … and I can’t give any of this up.  Well, I can give up the heat and humidity, but they won’t go away.

And now in the past day or so I’ve started to come down with a cold, adding sinus pressure, headaches, sore throat, etc.  I have learned the hard way that taking cold medication not only does not help at all, but it extends the length of the cold, so please don’t give that advice.  So far I’m still sleeping OK, but waking up with a sinus headache… hope it goes away soon.  And yes, I’m doing all the herbal things I have.

It appears that the woman in Canada is strongly considering being serious.  I’m still a bit gunshy… but ah, what a voice!  It would be difficult to have a bad day, if I were waking up to that voice…  Anyhow, I haven’t fallen all the way in yet, I think I learned my lesson from scaring her off the last time.  But it wouldn’t take much… I have to remember my lesson with Laura, that we need to become friends first.  I hope it can happen.

I have an idea for my next article for PaganPages.org, and will start working on it tonight.  A friend is helping me with it, her part should be written tonight.  The deadline is Midnight on the 25th.

Hugs,
Moss

The past few nights/mornings I have been reacquainting myself with a woman in Canada.  I have no idea where it is going; it’s another of those I-know-where-I-want-it-to-go-but-I’m-not-getting-my-hopes-up things.  And I just got a couple phone calls from my “twin sister”… haven’t heard from her in almost a year… no, we’re not physically related, but there’s always some kind of connection.  Doing some online research to protect her mother from a romance scammer.

Stress is building, as indicated by the number of emails in my Inbox that have been read but not answered, my sleep habits, and the pain in my back.  My friend Caroline has indicated that I probably have something she would trade a massage for…  I’ve ordered some B-12 for the depression/mood but it is taking its time in arriving, ditto for the kidney cleanse supplement I ordered.  Watch them both show up tomorrow… or make me wait until Monday.

I also got a letter from someone who was a friend of Judee Sill.  You may not remember Judee, she died in 1979(?), but was the first ever artist to be released on the Asylum record label.  I’m in a Yahoogroup where we talk about her songs… which actually resulted in finding a lost studio session of hers, released last year with a bunch of “home tapes” to go with it.  Some of the most beautiful, spiritual songs ever written.  I’ve been performing a bunch of them lately, and the discussion on the Yahoogroup has mostly been how to play them, which I’ve chimed in with my $0.02 quite often.  Anyhow, I don’t know where THAT is going either, but there is a chance it could help me with my musical “career”.

Thank you all for your outpouring of love and support around my posts of my grandmother’s health.  (I wuv you too, Irish)

Hugs,
Me

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What are you?  A carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first pot she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

In about twenty-minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see?”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft and mushy. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hardened egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its deep flavor and inhaled its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, “What’s the point, mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity – boiling water – but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a fluid spirit but after death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean?  The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the adversity, the pain, and the hardship into something quite wonderful. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their “worst”, you get better and change the situation around you for the better. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

(Anon.)

From My Dad

re: Grandma

Last night at around 6: P. M. they rolled Mom into the operation room.  This time the doctor insisted that they weren’t going to bump her.  They
got the operation finished just shortly after 7: 00 P. M. and the
doctor met us in the lobby and told us that the operation had gone very
well and she was now in the Recovery Room. She would be in the Recovery
room for an hour.
 
It was more than an hour and at 8:40 P. M,. they
rolled her back in her room [name of hospital, room number and telephone number deleted].

The doctor said that they will be getting her up today for therapy—if nothing else at least just sitting up on her bed.  He expects that twice a day and he said that he hopes that she would be walking this afternoon.  (I’ve found that the doctors have higher expectations than reality allows).
 
She was sleeping
peacefully when we left last night at 9:10 P.M.  Some of that may have been due to the medication that she was on but she looked better than she has in a while.

They wheeled my grandmother to surgery at 7 PM last night, Pacific time.  Then an emergency trauma case came in and it bumped her surgery from the room.  It has yet to be rescheduled.  This is really hard on the family, especially those who are THERE.  Hard enough on me, 2400 miles away.

Hugs,
Me

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One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries – Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less

NOW ——– Enough of that crap . .

The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY’S LESSON: When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

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Eight Gifts That Don’t Cost A Cent To Give

1) THE GIFT OF LISTENING…
But you must REALLY listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response. Just listening.

2) THE GIFT OF AFFECTION…
Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back and handholds. Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.
 
3) THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER…
Funny pictures. Share articles, funny stories and funny greetings. Your gift will say, “I love to laugh with you.”

4) THE GIFT OF A WRITTEN NOTE…
It can be a simple “Thanks for the help” note or a full sonnet. A brief, handwritten note may be remembered for a lifetime, and may even change a life.

5) THE GIFT OF A COMPLIMENT…
A simple and sincere, “You look great in red,” “You did a super job” or “That was a wonderful meal” can make someone’s day.

6) THE GIFT OF A FAVOR…
Every day, go out of your way to do something kind. Helping elderly cross the road can be nice.

7) THE GIFT OF SOLITUDE…
There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone. Be sensitive to those times and give the gift of solitude to others.

8) THE GIFT OF A CHEERFUL DISPOSITION…
The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone, really it’s not that hard to say, Hello or Thank You.
 
Author Unknown

No news on my grandmother today.  My parents were at the hospital all day, no time for email.

I was really, really busy today.  For a change, I did not get totally exhausted, but I was really out of breath a couple of times.  I have an even busier day tomorrow… the list of things I have to do is quite lengthy, and I hope I live through it.  (Sorry, a bit of drama there…)  I do have a pretty light day for Wednesday before my usual busy Thursday, and haven’t looked at my schedule for the weekend but it is often light.

Hugs,
Me

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“Whatever we focus on is bound to expand. Where we see the negative, we call forth more negative. And where we see the positive, we call forth more positive. Having loved and lost, I now love more passionately. Having won and lost, I now win more soberly. Having tasted the bitter, I now savor the sweet.”

— Marianne Williamson

 

WE HAVE ALL DONE THINGS THAT WE ARE NOT PROUD OF. Perhaps we were not there for a friend when they needed us, or we may have been responsible for unhappiness in our family. These sorts of past actions can leave us feeling ashamed and guilty, and we can end up carrying our guilt for years.

Guilt is probably one of the most debilitating and negative emotions there is – one that can, and often does, destroy a person’s life. But if we want to live happy lives, we need to deal with the consequences of our past actions and move on, rather than allowing our lives to be wracked with guilt.

Feeling guilty should not be confused with taking responsibility for our past. Responsibility means “the ability to respond”, and therefore taking responsibility means that we actively address the consequences of our actions in whatever way we can, in particular by changing our behavior patterns. Taking responsibility also includes moving on by making peace with the past.

Unlike taking responsibility, which is redeeming and positive, guilt has absolutely no value. Guilt does not encourage us to change in positive ways but debilitates us, leaving us unable to take the action we need to bring about change.

Breaking out of the guilt cycle
As a behavior pattern, guilt often becomes a self-perpetuating cycle: we do something, we feel guilty about it, we punish ourselves and, because we feel bad, we end up repeating our behavior at the next available opportunity.

This debilitating cycle continues largely because we do not take full responsibility for our actions or for changing our behavior. So how do we start the process of taking responsibility? By considering, with complete honesty, the part we play in any situation and by accepting our role in creating the events.

The purpose of this self-examination is to evaluate truthfully whatever occurred so that we can learn how we contributed. Through learning and honest self-assessment, we change our thinking and behavior. We can also forgive ourselves and move on with experience and wisdom.

Real forgiveness
In this process, forgiveness is vital. However, forgiveness is not what we generally believe it to be.

The Toltec approach holds that real forgiveness has nothing to do with feeling sorry or apologizing – neither of which actually changes anything. True forgiveness is contained in its literal meaning. The word “forgive” is very old, and the prefix “for” means literally “to reject.” So the word as a whole means “to reject the giving”.

We need “to reject the giving” because, if we think we have wronged someone, we use our sense of guilt to “give” to that person. By giving, we hope to make it better, and to exonerate ourselves from our actions. Conversely, if we feel that someone has wronged us, we will continue to demand payment for that offense, and thus want the other person to “give” to us.

But giving from a sense of guilt can never lead us to forgiveness. Neither can forgiveness be bestowed by another; it has to be brought about by ourselves. In the end, unless we can reject all this giving and truly forgive ourselves, we can never really move on and be free of the past.

How does forgiveness work in practice? Say that you have had a history of being abusive towards others, but have started to take responsibility for your past by changing your behavior. The reality is that you can still have unresolved feelings about what you have done. The process of forgiveness enables you to resolve these unresolved feelings so that you can move on.

It is important to remember that feeling bad about the past never really allows us to move on. What’s more, if we indulge in feeling bad, this implies that we view our past as meaningless and of no value. What a waste! For, if we have caused harm, surely we should try to learn from our actions rather than living with a heap of regrets?

Forgiving ourselves involves finding value in our experiences. Instead of just writing off an experience as a painful episode, and trying to forget it, we should look for the value in that experience and try to take out of the experience whatever we can learn.

Toltecs look upon life as a journey of learning, and say that all true learning or knowledge is experiential. Because we are stubborn and tend to avoid change, much of our learning does come about through painful experiences. However, if we wish to grow and to use our experiences as a learning curve, it is vital that we focus on what we have learned, rather than the pain.

By searching for learning and value from our past, we ensure that there is no more need to give or demand payment – we can, indeed, “reject the giving” and so forgive.

To take meaning and value out of any situation, simply ask, “What has this taught me? What lessons can I learn: about myself, about others and about my life? How can I use this new knowledge to change my thinking and behavior and help others avoid the same trap?”

In this light our past, instead of being meaningless and shameful, has a positive and life-enhancing value. By learning to handle our past, and by taking the steps to forgive ourselves in the true sense of the word, we can let go of the debilitating consequences of guilt, and finally move on.

© 2002 Theun Mares

The news on my grandmother today is that she has congestive heart failure.  This is a totally new diagnosis, and none of her doctors in the past have even begun to suggest it.

I haven’t been doing a lot lately, but try to get things done anyhow.  It seems I’m always feeling weak and/or sore.  I get out and do something for an hour, and have to come home and rest the remainder of the day.  ah well.  Had one friend visit today and dump his troubles on me, and several phone calls from new and old friends.  At least I’m helping somebody.

Hugs,
Me

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HOW TO ATTRACT EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY PEOPLE

1. Who you think you are is important. Like attracts like. Think about it. Do you like who you are?

2. What you want in a relationship is important, and when you are willing to ask for it, you will be able to create it.  But only ask for what you want when you are clear about what it is.  Until then, don’t go around demanding things you just think you should have.

3. We get exactly what we focus on. The problem or the solution. We make a choice between them with every decision we make.

4. Tell yourself the truth about what you want, not what other (family, friends, spouse) say you should have.

5. Tell everyone else your truth about what you want. Don’t be afraid to share your vision and dreams.

6. You are not defined by your relationships unless you choose to be.  Consider what it says about you if you deed over your soul to one.

7. Interdependent (two independent functional people) relationships are the only ones that work, long term.

8. Truth is the first thing necessary to create trust in our relationships.  Respect is earned from trust, and love is earned from respect. Intimacy is the gift we get when we risk telling the truth.  See the hierarchy of a functional relationship.

9. Fear of intimacy is fear of the truth. Your truth is better for you than someone else’s. Just get to know what it is so you can own it.

10. If your relationship is not getting better, it is probably getting
worse. Life is dynamic and nothing ever stays the same.

11. Every relationship is unique. It takes what it takes to work. If you want it to work, you have to work it.  No shortcuts. No 50/50 deals.

12. It’s not your job to fix your mate, and it’s not his or her job to fix you.  Take the relationship and what your mate says at face value and stop reading into it what you’d like to hear.  We can work with what’s real. It’s impossible to deal with what’s not real.

13. Unconditional love is an inside job. If you haven’t gotten it by now, guess what…start working from within.  When you can give it to yourself, you’ll be ready to give it to someone else. If you can give it to someone else, you’ll recognize it when it’s given to you.

14. If you both are committed to creating a functional relationship, agree to start doing it today, without any judgments about the past. Be willing to work in the solution and let go of your need to control the outcome, moment to moment, one day at a time. Joy can only be experienced in the present moment.

15. Most of our fears about what may happen in this relationship are really fears we experienced in past relationships, and have nothing to do with this person. Come to grips with what’s real and what’s Memorex!

16. When in an argument, ask yourself Does this really PASS THE SO WHAT TEST? For you to be right, does the other person have to be wrong? Think about it. Life is short. Don’t waste it on arguments that have no meaning or purpose. You can always agree to disagree if you need to. Then laugh about it and go on to the next thing.  Start observing your arguing as just another one of our dysfunctional, immature habits that need to be broken.

17. When we finally learn to say we are sorry (at 3 or 93) we get to finally hear we are O.K. To error is human, and there is great virtue in all forgiveness, ourselves included.  The best ways to teach our children this lesson is by watching us demonstrate it.

18. Any negative, hurtful or sarcastic remark is abusive. Like a sharp knife, each word will carve out a chunk of a loving relationship that can never grow back. Please consider the source and the outcome of your remarks, before you open you mouth to tell your truth.

19. Never let a day go by without saying and showing how much your relationship and partner mean to you. Never take a moment for granted. Express how grateful you are for your good fortune, however meek or humble it may be.  Appreciation and gratefulness have magic in them. It seems the more we express them, the more reasons we are given to say thank you.

20. To have a functional relationship you have to be willing to risk losing it everyday, by telling your truth. If you don’t feel free to tell your truth, start asking yourself why you think it’s so important to stay, and what else you are willing to lose besides your self-esteem. For starters, you can ask your mate to tell their truth, and be willing to accept it at face value, with no judgment. Now you both get to know if you each want a relationship based on what’s real.

For optimum results, start doing this in the first five minutes of meeting anyone.

HIERARCHY OF A FUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP

INTIMACY
LOVE
RESPECT
TRUST
TRUTH

What is a functional relationship?
Without the beginning base of truth in a relationship, trust cannot occur.
Without the development of trust, respect will never be born. Without a level of respect for   another, a functional relationship of love will not seed and nourish the partners.  Intimacy occurs when we become willing to share our whole selves with another in this order. It is the gift we get when we learn to engage in a balanced, loving and functional relationship.

© Copyright 1999 E.K.Bernshaw All Rights Reserved
http://www.transitionscounseling.com

are you on fire
from the years?
what would you give
for your kid fears
what would replace the rent with the stars above
replace the need with love
replace the anger with the tide
replace the ones, the ones, the ones, that you love
ah the ones that you love
are you on fire
from all the years
what would you give
for your kid fears

– from “Kid Fears” by the Indigo Girls (with Michael Stipe)

A little boy asked his mother, “Why are you crying?” “Because I’m a woman,” she told him.  “I don’t understand,” he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, “And you never will.”

Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?”

“All women cry for no reason,” was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to the Goddess. When Goddess answered, he asked, “My Lady why do women cry so easily?”

She said: “When I made the woman she had to be special.

“I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

“I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

“I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

“I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

“I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

“I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

“And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.”

“You see my child,” said the Goddess, “the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.  The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart – the place where love resides.”

Didn’t do much today other than help my friend work on their websites.  I have a links page to add on my newest website and a link to add on several others.  Gotta get out tomorrow and puyt out the fliers… should have done that already.  Nothing on the agenda.  All my friends are still talking to me… haven’t heard from my cousin Linda for a few days though…  I heard yesterday that my grandmother fell and broke her leg just barely below her hip; today I heard that they can’t operate, she has a bladder infection, but that they will operate tomorrow… and the break is so close to the hip that they will have to do a partial hip replacement.  This is very scary for me, since her father, my great-grandfather, broke his hip at 102 (she’s almost there) and the doctors did an artificial hip replacement surgery… he lived long enough to go home after surgery, and two weeks after… no way I can get out there to visit.  Waaaaaah.

Hugs,
Me

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“MAY YOU ALWAYS FEEL LOVED”

May you find serenity and tranquility
in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known
and the conflict you have experienced
give you the strength to walk through life
facing each new situation
with optimism and courage.

Always know that there are those
whose love and understanding
will always be there
even when you feel most alone.

May you discover enough goodness in others
to believe in a world of peace.

May a kind word, a reassuring touch,
a warm smile, be yours every day of your life,
and may you give these gifts as well as receive them.

Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.

Teach love to those who know hate,
and let that love embrace you as you go into the world.

May the teaching of those you admire
become part of you,
so that you may call upon them.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched
and who have touched yours are always a part of you,
even if the encounters were less
than you would have wished.

May you not become too concerned
with material matters, but instead place
immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart.

Find time in each day to see the beauty
and love in the world around you.

Realize that each person has limitless abilities,
but each of us is different in our own way.

What you may feel you lack in one regard
may be more than compensated for in another.

What you feel you lack in the present
may become one of your strengths in the future.

May you see your future
as one filled with promise and possibility.

Learn to view everything
as a worthwhile experience.

May you find enough inner strength
to determine your own worth by yourself,
and not be dependent on another’s judgements
of your accomplishments.

May you always feel loved.

–Unknown–

—– 

To realize the value of one year:
Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize the value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of one minute:
Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize the value of one second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident.

To realize the value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.

Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

– taken from a chain email

Catching Up

A lot of good, a little bad… had a few startles today after a relatively bad day yesterday.

First, when I went to make the copies for the flier that I’m paid to distribute, the copy center had raised their price from 6c per copy to 11c.  A couple of other minor startles (such as messing up a recipe I was making, but it worked out fine in the end), and then I got my monthly phone bill.

The phone company used to be my Internet Service Provider.  They told me they were raising their rates (to something I found unacceptable) in May, so on April 26 I called them and told them I was switching providers.  The lady said fine, she’d take care of it.  Then I got my June phone bill, and that charge was still on it.  I called back.  They told me I had to call BellSouth Internet to do that.  So I did.  The gentleman I talked to at that time stated that yes, I needed to call them, not the phone service provider, but that their computer showed the call on April 26th so he would disconnect my Internet and back-date it, issuing a refund.  No problem. 

Now I get my July phone bill.  No refund, and a new charge for Internet Service for July.  Several emails later (their billing support centers are closed this time of night), all I have are autoresponder messages saying they got my email.  (I’ve had problems with them claiming they never received my emails, so I saved the autoresponder messages just in case).

I’m sure these things happen to everyone.  I am not working myself up on them, but I do get startled and am, temporarily, out of sorts.

Hope your day was better!

Tomorrow I go help a couple (previously mentioned) work on their websites and computers, then try to hang up the fliers in the usual locations.

Hugs,
Me

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Easy Way for Worship

Life is complex nowadays,
Struggle is keen;
Here is an easy way
Of worshipping the Lord.
Consider your house
As a temple of the Lord,
Or Brindavan or Ayodhya;
Your wife, children and others
The holy company of Bhaktas [devotees].

Consider every word you speak
As the Japa [chant] of the Lord’s Name,
And the praise of the Lord;
Every action as service of the Lord.
Your lying in the bed,
As prostrations before the Lord;
Your daily walk and moving about
As perambulation of the Lord.

Consider the lights that you burn
In the evening
As waving lights to the Lord.

Consider sleep as Samadhi [meditative bliss];
Give the food as offering
To the Lord
And then take it as His Prasad [Holy Food].
You will attain happiness
Here and hereafter
If you worship God in this way.

Life is short, time is fleeting,
Start doing it right now.

    Swami Sivananda
    From Essence of Bhakti Yoga

    (All comments in brackets are mine, and are intended to aid your understanding; I know not everyone knows the Sanskrit words.)

    

Customer Service Representative:  Can you install LOVE?

Customer:  I can do that. I’m not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now.  What do I do first?

CS Rep:  The first step is to open your HEART.  Have you located your HEART ma’am?

Customer:  Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now.  Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep:  What programs are running ma’am?

Customer:  Let me see….I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep:  No problem.  LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system.  It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs.  LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE.  However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM.  Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed.  Can you turn those off ma’am?

Customer:  I don’t know how to turn them off.  Can you tell me how?

CS Rep:  My pleasure.  Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE.  Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer:  Okay, I’m done.  LOVE has started installing itself automatically.  Is that normal?

CS Rep:  Yes it is.  You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART.  Do you see that message?

Customer:  Yes I do.  Is it completely installed?

CS Rep:  Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.  You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.

Customer:  Oops…I have an error message already.  What should I do?

CS Rep:  What does the message say?

Customer:  It says “ERROR 412 – PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS.”  What does that mean?

CS Rep:  Don’t worry ma’am, that’s a common problem.  It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART.  It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to “LOVE” your own machine before it can “LOVE” others.

Customer:  So what should I do?

CS Rep:  Can you find the directory called “SELF-ACCEPTANCE”?

Customer:  Yes, I have it.

CS Rep:  Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer:  Thank you.

CS Rep:  You’re welcome.  Click on the following files and then copy them to the “MYHEART” directory:  FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC.  The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming.  Also you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer:  Got it.  Hey!  My HEART is filling up with really neat files.  SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

CS Rep:  Then LOVE is installed and running.  You should be able to handle it from here.  One more thing before I go…

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep:  LOVE is freeware.  Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet.  They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer:  I will.  Thank you for your help.