My grandmother is still hanging on. While I have been keeping in touch, I have not sent a card. I’m sure somebody is judging me about that.
The personal stuff is still at a low-ish point… not at the bottom, but on a scale of 1-100 is bouncing between 10 and 40 from one hour to the next.
Lenny, Kelly and I went to a football game tonight — Asheville Grizzlies vs. Charleston Firecats. The Grizzlies won, but it was an ugly, but funny, game. The Grizzlies are currently in first place in their division, but I know absolutely nothing about the league (North American Football League). The final score was 17-13 if I remember right. The Grizzlies’ defense was VERY good, the offense looked pretty good but gave up 3 fumbles. The Special Teams were not. (After the Grizzlies impressively drove for a touchdown in the first quarter, the Firecats scored on a Kickoff Return; there were a few other fauxs pas on Special Teams.)
My friend, Frankie, is still in the hospital (Wake Forest University Medical Center Burn Unit). But things are looking up, and she could be out of the hospital in a couple weeks. She might have to spend a couple weeks after that in another facility before coming home again.
We have had a couple more big hopes raised for Asheville Homeless Network. The Asheville Art Museum has hired a new Curator of Education, and she would like to include AHN in a grant she wants to apply for, giving local homeless artists and craftspeople more training and a place to sell their finished works. We should also be getting an Intern from Warren Wilson College to handle some of the recordkeeping and contacts when the new semester starts.
Guess that’s it for now. I am surviving. If the economy can hold still for a few more years, I’ll be in good shape soon.
Hugs,
Me
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10 Steps to Forgiveness
By Diana Robinson
For many people forgiveness is one of the hardest steps of all in our progress toward freedom of spirit. Yet it is essential. For as long as we are unable to forgive, we keep ourselves chained to the unforgiven. We give them rent-free space in our minds, emotional shackles on our hearts, and the right to torment us in the small hours of the night. When it is time to move on, but still too hard, try some or all of these steps. (Note that these steps are appropriate for events resulting from an ongoing relationship with anyone. They may not all be appropriate for the random act of violence from a stranger.)
1. Understand that forgiving does not mean giving permission for the behaviour to be repeated. It does not mean saying that what was done was acceptable. Forgiveness is needed for behaviours that were not acceptable and that you should not allow to be repeated.
2. Recognize who is being hurt by your non-forgiveness. Does the other person burn with your anger, feel the knot in your stomach, experience the cycling and recycling of your thoughts as you re-experience the events in your mind? Do they stay awake as you rehearse in your mind what you would like to say or do to ‘punish’ them? No, the pain is all yours.
3. Do not demand to know ‘why’ as a prerequisite to forgiveness. Knowing why the behaviour happened is unlikely to lessen the pain, because the pain came at a time when you did not know why. Occasionally there are times when knowing why makes forgiveness unnecessary, but they are rare. Don’t count on it and don’t count on even the perpetrator knowing why.
4. Make a list of what you need to forgive. What was actually done that caused your pain? Not what you felt, what was done.
5. Acknowledge your part. Were you honest about your hurt or did you hide the fact that the behaviour hurt you? Did you seek peace by reassuring the perpetrator that it was all right? Did you stay when you could or should have left? If so, then you, too, have some responsibility. (Here you start to move away from being a victim.)
6. Make a list of what you gained from the relationship, whatever form of relationship it was. Looking back you may be focusing on the negatives, the hurts. Yet if they were repeated, you must have stayed to allow the repetition. You did not remove yourself. Why? There must have been some positives if you chose to stay around. What were they?
7. Write a letter to the person (no need to mail it). Acknowledge what you gained from the relationship, and express forgiveness for the hurts. Allow yourself to express all your feelings fully. Do not focus only on the hurts.
8. Create a ceremony in which you get rid of your lists and the letter, so symbolizing the ending of the link between you. You may choose to visualize placing them on a raft and watching it drift gently away down a river. You may prefer to burn them and scatter the ashes. You may invent some other form of ritualized separation.
9. Visualize the person you are forgiving being blessed by your forgiveness and, as a result, being freed from continuing the behaviour that hurt you.
10. Now that you have freed yourself from the painful links and released the pain, feel yourself growing lighter and more joyous. Now you are free to move on with your life without that burden of bitterness. Do not look back in anger.
About the Author: Diana Robinson, Ph.D. , Professional Life Coach, Writer, Editor, Counsellor, who can be reached at Diana@choicecoach.com, or visited on the web athttp://www.ChoiceCoach.com.
By focusing on their personal growth, Diana’s clients enhance their understanding of what is truly important to them, and so are able to focus their time and energy on these things. The result is tremendous growth in both their outward success and their inner joy.