Dammit, triggered again

One of my closest friends tonight — a woman who has been badly abused and still doesn’t believe she is beautiful — tried to get me to play the old male game of “nudge, nudge, wink, wink” about my events of the past weekend.  I froze up and asked her to stop, and she devalued my feelings (“Pish Tosh” fits my definition of this).  I’m sitting here all locked up again, like I know I didn’t do anything wrong but someone wants me to say I did…  I have spent a lifetime trying to NOT be like a stupid so-called male who can only alternate between making fun of the women he got to bed and bragging about his own prowess.  I had a good time Thursday night, and so did she, and I got some GOOD NATURED comments from my Family about it.  This was not, although she kept trying to protest that (a) she didn’t mean anything and (b) I was being too sensitive.  Well HELL, sensitive is what I TRY to be.  She is usually good at it herself.  I hope there’s an explanation for it.  I maybe should be mad, but I’m too scared…


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