Monthly Archive: July 2011

Hanging On

My best friend is in the cardiac ICU fighting for her life. My father is doing about the same. My car is in the shop and I can’t get anyone to tell me for sure what they’re doing. My sweetheart is still sure we can’t be together. I’m not doing any better following my surgery, but that could be short term. And my computer decided I needed to reinstall the operating system, and 14 hours later still isn’t running. And I found that someone, for some reason, stole ONE 1 Gb memory stick from my system memory.

Yup, having a wonderful day. Btw I left a couple things out.


Well, the surgery happened. The move didn’t. I had to go back in a rental car to pick up the stuff I’d already moved which was essential to my daily life.

For over a week, I had barely any help. Then Meade came back to town after a long tour with the band, and got mad at me. By the end, she was less mad at me and a bit more understanding.

Apparently some small part of my brain did a meltdown over the past month or so. I could still drive rationally, still take care of myself, but was not seeing others in the same light as they claim to have been presenting themselves. It’s really hard to not just say THEY were all wrong or are painting their own picture with them rosy. But it has been more than a couple of people saying this.

RANT ALERT: SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON’T CARE: However, PUH-LEEZE don’t start talking drugs to me. I seem to have recovered already without them. I don’t use sledgehammers to pound picture tacks, thank you. The doctors don’t know what they do, and hand them out like M&Ms. The theory is totally disproved (before 1985) and they have yet to advance a different theory to how/why they work, and statistics say they only work for 30% of the people they are tried on. I’ve gone through nearly all of them, and they haven’t worked; I’m clean since late 2003 and want to stay that way.  Sorry for the rant, but ya know, it’s one thing when people try to shove their opinions down my throat, it’s another when it’s dangerous drugs they are trying to shove down it.  People, I’m having lots of things go wrong. I am not CLINICALLY depressed, it’s SITUATIONAL depression. All I have to do is struggle through it and put the pieces back together. I’m more than halfway through that.

In the meantime. The neglect and isolation caused by my being here mostly by myself has had one good side effect — I’ve lost over 10 pounds in July alone.  Another 10, and holding it there, and I’ll be healthy enough.

Nan and I have been seeming to come back together. She misses me a lot. The car is still in the shop, and the last news I had was bad news, i.e., a needed repair that I probably can’t afford. I wish she’d talk more on the phone, I get tired of deleting text messages when the phone tells me it’s full and I appreciate voice contact much more.

I have a concert tonight on SecondLife, and two on Tuesday. It will be good to get back into that. I had one last Tuesday, and my Internet went down for 5 hours — with my scheduled concert right in the middle of that period. That really got me down for several hours.

Guess that’s enough for now. If you’re on SecondLife, look up Mordewis Greymyst.