Yearly Archive: 2011

I found a place to move to. I looked at a trailer which was a little out of my price range. It was in pretty bad shape (um, really bad), and combined with it being too much money it would not have helped my depression any. But the location was great, the people were nice… so I wrote the lady back and told her I might take it if it were cheaper. She cut not only the price but the deposit. So I said I’ll take it. It will take a LOT of work, but if nothing else it will give me some time to get applications in for supported housing. I may get to like it… don’t know… It’s in Blaine, TN, which is just barely outside Knox County (Knoxville). This will make it about 19 miles to my monthly Knit & Crochet Meetup (Panera Bread) and 25 miles to the monthly Pagan Meet-N-Greet (at Mr. Gatti’s Pizza), much closer than I am now.

Wish me luck.

I need more money from my mother to get through this week — the rent and deposit, car repair, and getting my stuff from Nan’s in East Flat Rock NC. I can absorb some of that but not much. Mom has already agreed to do so in principle, but I didn’t give her the amount I need yet.

Hugs,
Me

Heard during a Braves baseball game on radio: “You may never play in the major leagues, but you can look like a pro in your own backyard…” when you use Cabot stains to stain your deck. OK, so when was the last time you saw a professional baseball player with a brush in his hand?

I decided I should update my Emergency Instructions, now that Frankie has passed. I opened up the document labeled “Emergency Instructions.doc” … and found Frankie’s 2007 document, where we couldn’t find anything more current than 2004 before. It seems about the same, except for having me and one other person we don’t know on it as contacts. I forwarded that to Connie after calling to tell her about it.

I then checked my Facebook, and something my Cousin Virginia and I were talking about leaked over to other people, including my cousins Karen and Theresa. Karen even went so far as to say she loves me too. Haven’t heard a peep from her until less than a year ago, and then only from Facebook. My eyes are still tearing up thinking about it.

I have been given 60 days to find new lodgings. My car is still not out of the shop, they said they’d get it today. Of course, they said they’d get it done yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, but at least they finally gave me a dollar figure so I know they’re almost done.

Guess that’s it for now.

Hugs,
Me

Wednesday in the early-early, Frankie’s cousin Connie came and picked me up. We had a long day and a lot of driving, but we got to the funeral just in time (it got moved up to 10:30 and I didn’t get the message), then spent the rest of the day with family. Connie lives in South Alabama, so she doesn’t get up to where her family lives very often. Connie was wonderful, I did get to meet with Mari at the gravesite later (Connie went back to put flowers on the graves). I got home around 1 am. I probably ate more Wednesday than I had been in any 3 days
since my surgery.

I did get Frankie’s cellphone back from her granddaughter. Technically it’s my property… Turns out that Gloria’s granddaughter needed a cellphone and was willing to pay me $50 per month for it. Frankie had been paying me $30 but we didn’t have Internet on it, which costs another $10, so it’s still a $10 net improvement in helping me pay the bill.

I have been eating a lot less the past month or so, and have dropped 15 pounds to show for it. My low so far has been 230, I need to get down to at least 225 and 220 would be better. About 7-1/2 years ago I hit my high at 305, good to be down this low. When I was living on the river in Asheville, walking 11 miles each way to and from town, I got down to 215, but that was a combination of exercise and starvation. Right now I can’t exercise until I’m done healing from the surgery.

Anyhow, I am home. Things aren’t as bad as they were, and not quite as good as they were before I met Nan, but I’ll be all right. My car is STILL in the shop, and now I can’t get any straight answers from anyone as to what is going on with it. Just getting my car back would improve my life more than 100%.

Meade took me on my errands today, bless her. I got the cellphone mailed, got my month’s supply of pipe tobacco, and went to Voldemart for groceries, then filled up Meade’s gas tank. I’m behind on my rent, with the idea that the money can go to get my car out of the shop… not really doing that well at putting money aside, so I started paying it to my credit card and not using the credit card. It has a $500 limit, and I’m somewhere around $100 right now.

I just talked to Astarte and thanked her again for the food. Sisterhood Is Powerful, Inc. has been providing one meal a day to me, box dinners stored in the refrigerator. Between those and the little bit else I’ve been eating, that’s how I’ve lost weight. They could likely make money turning it into a weight loss program LOL. I will start sending some money to SIP next month. Of course I don’t have to… but it makes them feel more appreciated and makes me feel less like a homeless person.

Life is being very lifelike. Hope yours is going well. No news on my father, but he’s sleeping a lot… which is better than the coma he was in earlier, likely caused by the leukemia meds they’ve been giving him.

Hugs,
Me

My best friend, Frankie Jewell Overstreet, died this (Sunday) morning at 11:15. I can’t tell you how much I’m going to miss her. I must have read over 40 books to her, mostly over the phone, over the past 6 years, and I could always count on her to tell me what was on her mind and know that, even when it wasn’t what I wanted to hear, that she didn’t say it to hurt me, which quite often put me back on the “right” path. She was a very complex woman, I probably couldn’t even tell you one tenth of the complexity. Just know that I’ve dropped quite a few tears today and over the past few days from when it looked like she was leaving. In the end, she was killed by doctors who did tissue grafts to her feet 5 years ago. They left 3 staples in, and those staples didn’t get found for almost 4 years and were the center of the infection that eventually did her in. She almost lost both feet at that time 5 years ago, and fought tooth and claw to keep them. She may not have died with her boots on, but she still had feet to put them on if she had them with her.

My best friend is in the cardiac ICU fighting for her life. My father is doing about the same. My car is in the shop and I can’t get anyone to tell me for sure what they’re doing. My sweetheart is still sure we can’t be together. I’m not doing any better following my surgery, but that could be short term. And my computer decided I needed to reinstall the operating system, and 14 hours later still isn’t running. And I found that someone, for some reason, stole ONE 1 Gb memory stick from my system memory.

Yup, having a wonderful day. Btw I left a couple things out.

Well, the surgery happened. The move didn’t. I had to go back in a rental car to pick up the stuff I’d already moved which was essential to my daily life.

For over a week, I had barely any help. Then Meade came back to town after a long tour with the band, and got mad at me. By the end, she was less mad at me and a bit more understanding.

Apparently some small part of my brain did a meltdown over the past month or so. I could still drive rationally, still take care of myself, but was not seeing others in the same light as they claim to have been presenting themselves. It’s really hard to not just say THEY were all wrong or are painting their own picture with them rosy. But it has been more than a couple of people saying this.

RANT ALERT: SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON’T CARE: However, PUH-LEEZE don’t start talking drugs to me. I seem to have recovered already without them. I don’t use sledgehammers to pound picture tacks, thank you. The doctors don’t know what they do, and hand them out like M&Ms. The theory is totally disproved (before 1985) and they have yet to advance a different theory to how/why they work, and statistics say they only work for 30% of the people they are tried on. I’ve gone through nearly all of them, and they haven’t worked; I’m clean since late 2003 and want to stay that way.  Sorry for the rant, but ya know, it’s one thing when people try to shove their opinions down my throat, it’s another when it’s dangerous drugs they are trying to shove down it.  People, I’m having lots of things go wrong. I am not CLINICALLY depressed, it’s SITUATIONAL depression. All I have to do is struggle through it and put the pieces back together. I’m more than halfway through that.

In the meantime. The neglect and isolation caused by my being here mostly by myself has had one good side effect — I’ve lost over 10 pounds in July alone.  Another 10, and holding it there, and I’ll be healthy enough.

Nan and I have been seeming to come back together. She misses me a lot. The car is still in the shop, and the last news I had was bad news, i.e., a needed repair that I probably can’t afford. I wish she’d talk more on the phone, I get tired of deleting text messages when the phone tells me it’s full and I appreciate voice contact much more.

I have a concert tonight on SecondLife, and two on Tuesday. It will be good to get back into that. I had one last Tuesday, and my Internet went down for 5 hours — with my scheduled concert right in the middle of that period. That really got me down for several hours.

Guess that’s enough for now. If you’re on SecondLife, look up Mordewis Greymyst.

Hugs,
Me

…or something like that.

My last bit of moving is postponed. My car died. It is not beyond repair, although what is wrong and what it will cost is still up in the air.

My surgery is early early tomorrow morning. Nan has no way home if she stays, but Raven was here over the weekend and has just left, taking her home (he lives about 5 miles from her).  I have one friend delivering me there and another couple picking me up. The car will likely not get repaired this week. Saturday, Meade says she can take me to Nan’s. I haven’t asked her yet, but she can probably take some or all of the stuff I have packed, I just can’t lift anything. But I’ll have to come back here to fix the car. And still have my furniture to get, but Raven can probably work that out.

I still don’t know what I’m doing, still panicking a bit, need lots of love and prayers. One dear friend online has offered to chant the Gayatri for me. Bless her. I don’t believe anyone has ever chanted the Gayatri for me.

Scared. Confused. Lonely. Frustrated. Not a good week. But a lot of good things happened, including two more concerts (Thursday and tonight plus a Bardic Circle at Serpentstone Litha) and my honey loves me. Still.

Hugs,
Me

I’m almost done moving my stuff to Nan’s in East Flat Rock, NC. This is temporary, but I don’t know how long it will be. I’m keeping my permanent address at Meade’s in Sevierville. I haven’t yet arranged for a way to move my furniture.

I’m having surgery on my man parts (hernia-ish) on the 29th, and Nan will drive me back to EFR from the hospital. So if I don’t have my furniture by then, I won’t be getting it for a couple months at least.

There is a lot of trepidation surrounding this move, whether I will get my furniture, and how soon I’ll be able to get back to Tennessee with my fiancee and friend in tow. Need lots of thought and prayer.

Hugs,
Me