My honey is a witch. Yup, you got that right, and most of the people reading this know what I mean — and know the difference between a witch and a Witch.
All those anger spells I’ve been having with her, which were so unlike me… they weren’t me, or at least we can verify that most of them weren’t. The fact that I never said an angry word while screaming my head off at my honey, the fact that I even beat on my face with my fists (never do that, but honey does and I try to stop her)…
It seems to be powered by, or co-existent with, her excess sexual energy. She NEEDS it so badly, and I start being resistant to it to the point of screaming. I know, that sounds like any American male, but I’m not just any American male. The guy who just doesn’t want to have sex would be calling his honey names, usually four-letter ones.
This morning, we both knew she would wake up with excess sexual energy, we have been watching it build. But while she’s waking up, suddenly I’m feeling LEAVE ME ALONE, and when she pushed the issue I start screaming. This went on for a while, with her solution (as always) being, you take care of me first and then I’ll take care of you. No, I needed taking care of, and I was trying my damnedest to not say bad things to my honey, just leave me alone and let me fix this. After a while, she gave up and went to the back bedroom — opposite end of the trailer — and STOPPED BROADCASTING, and I STOPPED HAVING A PROBLEM, like POOF!
My honey has been triggering me on things I don’t get triggered on, or at least haven’t had anyone else trigger me on them for at least 8 years. We talked about it, and she agrees with me. She is broadcasting her fear of losing me for wanting me too much, her self-hatred from years of bad relationships, as well as (in the case of sex) her body’s sexual needs. And I’m just being a happy little receiver and sucking it all up, then doing the only thing I could do with it — blowing up. Now I need to get better at blocking it, and then we won’t have a problem — I can help her learn how to channel that power into more productive things. She should be getting a teacher in a couple weeks, and he can be a part of this.
It’s so hard to think of someone as being as powerful as they are when they are projecting helplessness and need. I’m only beating myself up now for being so stupid it took me three and a half months to figure it out!
I expect to hear from Amethyst on this, but any of you others are welcome to chime in. If your comment is that I’m talking garbage, then you probably need to remove yourself from my subscription list.
Hugs,
Me
How’d you know that you would hear from me. It should be a lot better now that that is out in the open. And, it could be a good thing to help you to know exactly how she is feeling because she is broadcasting it. However, with that said, you can’t deal with her broadcasting all of the time… it takes its toll on you. The blocking may take some time to learn what will work for you and you both need to be aware of that and to remember that patience is key here.Might it help, and might she understand, to let her realize that if you weren’t in it for the long haul then you probably would have already left by now? Nobody would put up with the problems that she is having if they didn’t care quite deeply for her. If she could understand and believe this it might help her out a lot.I can check into some methods of blocking if you would like me to. I haven’t had any experience with it myself… although it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to learn should I need it one day. Or do you have methods that you already know of and use?btw: I kissed a robin on the head today. It was the most uplifting and the saddest day for me all rolled into one.
My Sunshine is very aware of how much I love her. No matter what we’ve gone through, we have never once headed for the exits or threatened to do so.When we met, she had never heard of paganism. I was sure I’d have to find a decent Christian experience for her … until she firmly told me to stop pointing out churches. We have now gone to two Gatherings together with my spiritual Family, both at Splendor Hollow, and she fit right in. This Litha (in two weeks), she will be making her third request to a good friend as her Teacher. I could not be prouder of her.But while I knew she had more intrinsic power/ability/magick/whatever than I allow myself to see in myself, we had no idea she was THIS powerful and neither of us were expecting to find out that she was causing my anger by projecting hers. I had been beating myself up badly, because I just don’t want to be the kind of person who gets angry at anyone. This is important, because I had no anger of my own to fuel the situation, and kept saying helpful, well-meaning things while screaming at her… as opposed to calling her names and saying things I would regret later. This made it easier for her to accept that she was doing the projection. She could have argued with me, she could have denied it all, but she accepted it instantly. And we are the stronger for it.
@mordewis – That’s awesome! All of it. May you both continue to grow stronger together. I look forward to hearing more about your progress. Have a good one. 🙂