Monthly Archive: July 2012

Splendor Hollow Music Festival

Today was the day. It was complicated by my sweetie having her first full-blown panic attack in at least two months just last night. But we got through it again, and got some sleep, and got up and had a good morning. We went out for breakfast at 8, left for Splendor Hollow at 9, and got there just after 10 for my 11 am concert.

As predicted, I was playing mostly for staff and some early attendees and vendors. Even so, I got through my 7 song set in good shape, and was told to keep playing. As I had been standing up for the whole time, and don’t have that much stamina or resistance to pain, etc., I only did 3 more songs, with help from my sweetie.

After I got off stage, I was asked to do another set, a half hour at 12:30. Well, the 12:00 act was pretty good and kept playing past 1:00, so there went that set. My sweetie got hungry, and as I was told it would be about an hour before I could do another set, I went to Subway for my honey and me. It was about a half-hour round trip, and no sooner had I gotten the order paid for, my honey was calling me telling me they wanted me on stage soon. Traffic was bad, I was stressed from the first show, driving made it worse… but I got there in time. I did two songs, one a repeat of an earlier performance, and was told “1 more”. So the “badly-needed” second set was only 15 minutes. Ah well, I made the best of it.

Afterwards, as I knew it would, my energy level hit the floor. As my honey had been drinking (I had bought a bottle of home-made mead from a friend just for her), that meant I had to drive for the hour it took to get home. I barely made it, and we immediately hit the mattress and passed out for about 2 hours.

Glad I did it, glad I did well, glad to be home. They MAY have wanted me to do another set later in the day, but I would not have been able to keep up the level of performance.

For the record, I performed:

Wind’s Four Quarters (Mercedes Lackey and Leslie Fish)
When Giants Walked (Kathy Mar, an old friend)
We Won’t Wait Any Longer (Gwydion Pendderwyn)
Turn of the Wheel (James Keelaghan)
Hands of God (Julia Ecklar
Scale (Cat Faber)
Mother, Forgive Them (which I wrote)

set extension
Stalker Girl (Arrogant Worms)
Ghost (Amy Ray, Emily Saliers)
The Coven Grows (my own spoof, combining the work of Shain Stewart and Garth Brooks)

Second Set
Hands of God (Julia Ecklar)
Raven and Crow (my own)
Word of God (Cat Faber)

To my knowledge, there were no recordings being made.


Um, Morning

I had a miserable morning. Honey didn’t read signals right, cat tripped me TWICE in the kitchen (which I over-reacted to, poor kitty), was in tears despite being able to get coffee, breakfast, and a sandwich made for lunch. Cried for a minute, entered my spending on my spreadsheet, read my email… and I think I’m OK. Maybe it’s just jitters, the Big Opening Performance is Saturday morning. Got two more days to practice. I think I’m ready. Get paid tomorrow (every other Friday).

Best not dwell on it. Things will be better. I love my honey.


Gearing Up

Next Saturday is my performance at Swallow Hill Music Festival. While it was not the best situation (I was wanting an hour and to be part of the festival, instead I get a half hour as Opening Act), I am practicing hard to do the best performance I’ve ever done.

I am set up to perform at least an hour at Pagan Pride Day in September, but the venue is still being decided on. Even so, I have more material ready to go when I find out how much I need to prepare.

Still having a few issues, mostly mine today. If I were a telepath I’d have fewer of those, but would likely have more other issues.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. All the rain we’ve had here, it’s hard to believe 40% of the country is having a drought. You can have it back, for my money.


Big Loser

Reposted from my blog:

Four days ago I hit an all-time (last 30 years) low of 225-point something, and to show it was not a fluke, I had consecutive 225-point-somethings the next two days. Yayy me. This morning I was 22THREE-point-something.

I now own 2 pair of size 36 waist jeans (see, it was so exciting I almost typed 38 and would have been happy). I no longer can wear my 42s or my honey’s 40s. I will be buying Wranglers for now, until I stop shrinking — the brand I prefer costs too much to shrink out of in a few months, LOL.

And in case you’re wondering, I’m still very much in love with my Sunshine. We met last October, she moved in by necessity at the end of February. We are having problems, sometimes daily, but are motivated to work them out and understand them. I’ve never had a woman work so hard to be with me and stay with me. I’m doing my work, too, including a new job (7 weeks now), when I hadn’t had a job since 1997.

Addendum to my Xanga blog:

My sweetie has found a place where she can go do pool workouts, and starts them Monday. She found a pool last Thursday, but was not happy with the facility for a number of reasons. She can get herself back on track and not have to feel bad about me losing and not her.


Caught up

Well, yesterday at work, I got ALL the filing done, am caught up on the Big Project, got about half of someone else’s error corrected, and spent some time trying to be out of the spotlight so I could take a break. When I got home, my sweetie and I talked about integrating her supplement needs into the household budget, and we did… with me forgetting that she had to go to class with Mortir. She managed to disengage herself soon enough to be on time, and we finished the job anyhow.

Mortir kept her a bit too long again, but he fed her dinner — and she called him to express her concerns about the menu, which originally was high-fat, and got her needs met. She’s doing such a good job of learning to – and how to – take care of herself.

Couldn’t wake up this morning. Just couldn’t. Still wanna be in bed, and I only have about 15 minutes before I have to be out the door. Also didn’t practice any yesterday, and the concert is coming up on the 28th. Ah well. Tomorrow is another day.


My bad

Yesterday I got up in a good mood, got a few things done, and just settled down to do stuff on my computer. When I looked up, it was already time to go to work and I hadn’t made my sandwich and then my honey decided she wanted my attention. I got a bit ugly and started shouting at everything… took a while to calm down, but I got on the road before doing so such that I was not later.

I wish my honey had a blag here so she could tell her side of the story. Sometimes it sounds like everything is her fault. Yes, she has some work to do, but I do too and my contributions to our struggles are greater than zero.

Got the Big Project done. But a co-worker inadvertently created a big project, and the boss doesn’t know about it, and I have to pretty much do it without telling her. Some stuff got filed which was supposed to have had other stuff done to it before filing it. If I’d been there another month or three I would have caught it before filing it, but I didn’t. In discussion with my other co-worker, who is my friend of about two years and the employee who has been there the longest, there is a good chance the other co-worker will not last much longer. It’s not that she can’t do the job, she can’t do the teamwork. And the teamwork is half of the job.



My honey broke a promise to me this morning. She told herself it was all right, and even tried to reword the actual promise so that it appeared to be all right to her. It was a power struggle.

I know she feels a need for much reassurance. But she demands that nearly all that reassurance comes in a form she knows scares and hurts me, especially when forced to give it to her on a frequent basis. Because I love her, I give in, sooner or later, but this is the cause of nearly all of our “fights”. And it’s not love she is asking for, it is control.

The bad part of this is, she really is not that way. The person she is happens to be warm, beautiful, loving, powerful, exceptional. But somewhere that program got thrown in that I don’t love her unless she can control my every move, or at least when she wants to.

This morning, I just took my computer and left, leaving for work early and looking for a hotspot. She called me once, I called her once. I left without my wallet and my lunch, so I can’t take care of myself today. Shows me that I might be playing into her control issues some — or that I really need her in my life.

I don’t want ALL my old life back, I love having Sunshine in my life. I do want enough of my life back to feel that I am in control of it myself.

Yeah, bad day. As with most bad days, there is every chance of it working out well.



I was having a pretty good morning. Got breakfast, got coffee, lunch is in the backpack, about to head for work… my honey’s class was then rescheduled from tonight to tomorrow night, and then they released the schedule for Splendor Hollow Music Festival.

Now I’m bummed. I get the opening slot, at 11 am. This means that they think I’m the least interesting act in the lineup, so they put me when nobody will be there yet or paying attention. They also had promised me TWO half-hour slots, which is what I was practicing for, and now I only get one. So I have to take the 12 songs I’m working on, reduce them to the 6 that fit together best for the strongest show, only to be unappreciated.

I really feel like pulling out — but if I show up and knock them dead == well, what few are there == they may reconsider should there be a “next time”.

I’d better just go to work.


Still climbing

We had a really hard morning yesterday. I don’t know if I woke up grumpy or she did. As usual, all the words came out of my mouth.

I can tell when it’s me being angry or her being angry. When it’s me, my voice drops and my shouts can rattle the rafters. (Note: This has not happened once since Sunshine moved in, that I can remember). This is called “shouting”. When she is mad, my voice goes high and scratchy, and is called “screaming”. I have never screamed before, and it is also notable that the words coming out are a whole lot less angry than they should be if it was ME who was mad.

But whatever. We short-circuited the fights several times, and then found a way out of them. Much better than most.

Had a pretty good day after that, although not much happened. I did not get out to practice, but I spent a lot of “honey time” on and off and we watched a couple movies.Logitech, the non-optical one that didn’t have the stupid high hump.

Back to work today. My new trackball has not gotten here yet, it would surely make my job at work easier if it would. It’s an old


Foggy mountain

My Sunshine went to her first class with Mortir last night. I had to rush home from work, we got maybe a half hour together. Thunderstorms were approaching, and Mortir suggested rescheduling, but we both said no.

So less than 20 minutes after my honey left, we had the worst batch of wind and rainstorm I’ve seen in my time here. And then the power went out. Well, it flickered a few times. THEN it went out, and was out for about a half hour. THEN the Internet went out, and was out for the rest of the night. Comcast has been trying to tell me all the lines are working, despite our experiencing frequent outages… ah well, I guess I can’t blame this one on them, although I’d love to.

I finally went to bed with my computer playing music. It was too quiet. Funny how you get used to things.

Honey finally came home, said he talked her ear off. I checked, they were both still there. So I went to sleep.

It’s really foggy this morning. Hence the title. Going to be a fun drive to work.