I’m making bad decisions again. Buying things on credit that, yeah they would be nice but, I don’t need. Maybe even helpful in putting my life together, but the debt involved will get in the way of that. And I know that all the while I place that Fingerbutt order, I’m thinking about it, and can’t stop myself.
I have tried to show Sunshine that I love and support her efforts to keep going and get her life together. Today it was clear that she can’t hear me say supportive things IN PRINT without reading hurtful things into it. If anything could depress me more, that would be it.
I’m really OK. So long as I don’t think about or try to talk to Sunshine. That’s most of the time. But a lot of her stuff is still here, so future interaction is required.
Oh well. I dug the hole, after almost a year of digging out I dug it deeper. I know how to do both. Depressives should have holds put on their credit. Hey, I even asked Fingerbutt to do that, they said they don’t do things like that.
In the meantime, I’m enjoying my new TV (really needed that), and hope to get some enjoyment from my vacuum cleaner (the old one didn’t suck, if you know what I mean) and whatever else I got. I need a job; with even a 20-hour job at Taco Bell, I could pay all this stuff off.
I did get some good news in the credit department, the amount of money I’m paying on the gas card IS making a dent in my debt to them. Even with the trip to North Carolina for the Pagan Prison Ministry project, I spent under $150 in gas last month and my payment was $200. With my next payment, I will be under half the credit limit on that card.
And in case you’re wondering, those are the only two credit-things I have. I should have destroyed Fingerbutt but oh well.
I did some work on a new website for my Spiritual Family yesterday. Oddly, I have been taking heat from some Family members for doing so. The person who was in charge of the project, it seems, was never officially put in charge of the project, at least according to some. This means some people have MORE to get on my case about. I will say that a lot of Family members have thanked me for it, but the ones hurting me are actually involved in putting/holding the Family together.
Hugs and tears,