Monthly Archive: December 2012

Sunshine in Shelter

I’ve been trying to get housing for my ex. Finally came up with a good idea, and she’s there now. It’s temporary, and it’s a homeless shelter, although for women only and not in the Big City. Will be a lot closer for her to get to her new job.

She came by and picked up more stuff. Nothing went wrong, but all my muscles are trying to un-knot. I’m surprised it still hurts so much.

Might still be a few things back in the back bedroom, but it has been gone through lightly several times.

I don’t have anywhere to go tonight. Will be a rough New Year’s Eve. Almost did, but we know about almosts.





A local church advertises regularly in the local paper that they have food boxes twice per month. The dates are published in the paper. The article says to call. I’ve called all week, no response. Today was the day for the pickup, so I drove up there. 35 mile round trip and the church was locked up tight as a drum.  Had a further stressor on my drive back, but I dealt with it.

Still don’t know if I have a place for New Year’s Eve. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe another.




Slow shock

I’m finding that things I always used to say or do just for fun, almost automatically, now cause me to start trembling or even crying. I tense up. I’m sure I did something wrong.  I think I’m coming to understand how women feel who find themselves in a relationship with a controlling person and how they just deal with it until they are so very damaged… like me.

I do have one friend trying to talk me through this. Totally out of the blue.




Happy Yule

I spent all day at my Family’s Yule gathering at a private residence. Always great to see everybody, and there were some wonderful surprises. Got lots of goodies too! And got stuffed (you know, they didn’t stuff a turkey, I guess I was the next best thing LOL).





OK, so far, I have survived the Harmonic Convergence (or, as I refer to it, the Harmonica Virgins Concert), the Y2K Millennium bug hoax, the end of the Mayan Calendar (actually, will be a few thousand years before it is again), and THIRTY-NINE YEARS OF DRUGGING BY MY DOCTORS, followed by 9 years of attempting to recover from those damages. I’ve been married five times, handfasted twice in a non-legal ceremony (once in a legal ceremony, but that counts in the five marriages), engaged two or three times to women I never even got married or handfasted to… and then there are the various girlfriends I didn’t even get that far with…

Moved from Los Angeles to central Kansas to southern New Jersey to various spots in Colorado to Detroit to a couple cities in South Carolina, one in North Carolina, and now two in Tennessee…

I have performed (guitar and vocals) in ten states, either professionally or by invitation (most cons don’t pay me to play, a few have paid for my hotel room, others just invited me and hoped I’d be there).  I have nearly 130 songs recorded (some repeats).

While it would be nice to have a job, I am thankful that the US Government sees fit to pay me a stipend on a regular basis, and that I have a beat-up old trailer I can almost afford the rent on.

After 60 years, I’m still here. Get used to it.




Lost and Found

I went looking for one of my battery chargers, and started digging through the tools-and-cords drawers in the mess I have called a back bedroom. I opened the 3rd drawer and saw what looked like a cigar box, I just thought it was the one I used to store unsent cards…decided to open it anyhow. It was the jewelry box I thought had been stolen!  Yayyy. Note that I never accused anyone of stealing it, just mentioned to a few very very close friends that I thought it might have been stolen.  This box includes a lot of gifts, including a stained-glass Star of David pendant given me by Lynn Gold way back in the 80s and a lot of pins my father gave me.

Sunshine says she’s ready to be friends again. I’m still kinda shaky, but I’ll think about it.


PS – I didn’t find either of the battery chargers I was looking for. I did find an old Radio Shack unit, but I’m not sure it works on current rechargable batteries.





I have noticed that my December has been an interesting ride (in the Chinese sense).

When I started November, I had virtually nothing I wanted or needed except a relationship (not a good one) with a woman who loved me. Today, through some very good luck and a lot of help from my mother, I have virtually everything I want and need except that I am not in a romantic relationship with anyone. Well, I could still use a better car; my old 1990 Pontiac is still holding together, but don’t know for how long.

I have upgraded my television (from a 29″ ancient Sharp tube-type to a 26″ Magnavox 720p), my computing (now have a Nook Simple Touch and a Zeki 7″ tablet), my seating (my recliner died, my ex’s recliner was taken away, all replaced by a double-reclining loveseat, something I have been trying to get for ages), I have a new musical instrument (Chromaharp), a new folding bookcase, I am shipping boxes full of books to a library in Nebraska which gives me even more room, I have a new(ish) bed (the mattress I had was owned by my ex and would go away anyhow, can’t sleep on a box spring), and my cat loves me again and spends virtually all available time in my lap.  I have paid off one old debt and almost paid off another, although I have added to a third.

I can’t say everything’s all roses. I still spend my evenings noticing that I am lonely. I have not fully picked up all the things I used to do before getting in that relationship, and am still ignoring emails from one site I used to be active on.

But it’s a start. At my age, new beginnings come less often so I am grateful.




James Speaks Out

[Guest blog by James Kulacz, who happens to be the 3rd and current husband of my 3rd wife]


I am on my village’s city council. The council when they appointed me to the board on December 3 also made me the person responsible for lowering the village’s flags to half-mast when required (by law, or proclamation). I am the disabled vet here, so it seemed reasonable to the village to give me that particular collateral duty.

So December 7, Pearl Harbor Rememberance Day, I was out in the cold.

But yesterday, when an E-mail came across my computer from a flag company noting the Presidential proclamation to lower the flag to half-staff to honour the school children and adults gunned down in a horrific orgy of violence, I was unaware of what’d happend.

Off to the BBC, where live coverage of the events was being posted. Wonderful, audio and video in real time of the aftermath of a school shooting.

So out the door, and the 70 yard walk to the flag in the park across the corner from my house. Bring myself to attention, release the halyard from the cleat.

This is something you are supposed to do for such days as Memorial Day. There should never be a reason to have to do it for unarmed defenseless children.

The the slow, deliberate drawing down of the flag to half-mast. Rewind the halyard on the cleat. Back two places, render a military hand salute (as the law allows veterans to do now in honour of the flag, or in this case its lowering and who it represents).

There should not be a need for me to lower the flag for such a senseless act. No, not that I am opposed to lowering the flag, but that the act should not be necessary.

There are fifteen murders by gun every day in this country, but those people are not so honoured.

With a heavy heart, I returned home. There should not be a need for this. The politcos and the NRA will say “now is not the time to discuss this.” But if not now, when?

When will we address this issue?

I too own a gun. I am not a “take away all the guns” sort. But I have to wonder, when we hold an old document from an ancient time as holy and unchanging (think the Bible or the Second Amendment of the Constitution), when does this become a religious view and not a putative right?

The NRA conveniently leaves out the first part of the Second Amendment when quoting it. They always quote it as “The right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.” The same Texas sharpshooter fallacy (cherry-picking) the religious use.

Go back and look up the Second Amendment for yourself, and read the real text. On a law site, not the NRA. Then ask yourself if we really have the gun-rights that the Founders of the nation actually envisioned.

The first school massacre was July 26, 1764. As long as we continue to say “now is not the time for that discussion” I guarantee there will be another.

If you fly a flag from an angle bracket at your home that cannot be lowered, the American Legion recommends a black ribbon equal in width to one bar and length to the flag be affixed to the peak of the staff.

The proclamation ends sundown Tuesday. (Weekend days do not count on proclamations of this sort).

I don’t want to make that walk again. But I know I will.

James, in Wyobraska.

BED Bed bed

I have been trying to get a full-size mattress. The one I’m sleeping on now belongs to Sunshine, and while she has nowhere to put it at present, she will soon and it is her property. (The box spring, frame, and headboard are mine, the mattress is hers, a Thermopedic.  My old mattress was given to another needy friend when Sunshine moved in.)

So I placed an ad on Craigslist. I’ve gotten 3 responses.

The first had a mattress and box spring they wanted to sell for $40. It was purchased new, and two months later the person who purchased it moved out. They also had some end tables and office chairs they would throw in for a total of $50.  It was about 30 miles away. Sounded good. 

The second had a mattress and box spring they wanted $50 for. It has been in storage. OK, I took my time getting back to that one.

The third had a mattress she purchased for $600 and found it was too soft, so she went and bought another bed. (What, no return policy?)  Still, she sounded dismayed when I told her the prices I was getting offered, she probably wanted more of a return on her “investment” than $40 or $50.

I scheduled a pickup on Mattress #1 yesterday. Then it rained all day. As the only way I had of moving it would be on top of my car (a sketchy enough proposition, as I would have to find a way through all of Knoxville to get home with a mattress on my car), I cancelled and tried to reschedule for today.  I got no response.  

The lady with Mattress #2 stayed in contact, hoping I could get back to her (my communications with her were not as good as they should be, on my part, as I pretty much had decided to get Mattress #1).  She said she had someone else coming Friday if I didn’t get there first.

I texted the person with Mattress #1 as soon as I got up this morning. Cloudy skies but no rain. She texted back saying they had decided to keep the mattress.

So I texted the lady with Mattress #2, told her I was jumping in the shower and would call for directions when I was ready to leave.  I did so, and have gotten no response.

So far, lots of texts and emails, no mattress, nowhere to go. I need to get this done before the next phase of Sunshine’s moving, which could be any day, probably Wednesday.

So that’s my story for now.  I’ll update later.





Update #1 – I just got email from the Mattress #2 lady… says her phone has been acting up. So we need to get in touch and I’ll go get that bed.


Update #2 – I went to town, got the money … and she never called or texted me back. I still don’t have a mattress. I called all the thrift stores in town, no luck. Called another couple Craigslist ads… still nothing.


Update #3 – I found a good used pillowtop mattress and box spring for $150 delivered… it’s from Craigslist, so both myself and the seller are still uncertain we’re involved in a “real transaction” until it’s over.  That’s about $150 more than I wanted to spend…


Update #4 – Lady with mattress #2 emailed me back complaining about my attitude and said *I* was bitching. Ya know, when you desperately need a mattress, have no way to get in touch with someone who claims her phone is not working, and have no clue where she lives other than town, have the money in your pocket, and call and text several times… well, I don’t think I did anything wrong, but then I usually don’t.


Final Update – I got the $150 mattress. Not quite top of the line, but very light for a full-size which is a good thing. I have texted Sunshine’s teacher and informed him. He said they would probably come Saturday.

Cleaning Up

Sunshine came today and got almost all the rest of her stuff. I have a few days to get a mattress before she moves that. She brought her teacher with her, who is an old friend, so things were not too rough at any point — except that she was cold, and at the end gave me her cell phone (did not pay for last month’s use) and car insurance card (told me to take her off my insurance, which was saving her a bundle).  

I got some good stuff in the mail.  Ordered Mom’s Christmas present. Got a meeting tomorrow about the land for a new Gathering site for my Family.

Looks like I’ll get through this month and got a little help getting through the next couple.  Still need a job to actually make it all right.

As expected, Winter starts coming and I put on weight. My low this Summer was 209, I’m currently just over 220. Even so, that’s more than 20 pounds better than last Winter if I can keep it here.  New low predicted next Summer.