Monthly Archive: March 2013

I am still so very happy, with the exception that my physical problem is keeping me from completely playing my role in this relationship. Just wanted to post that here. I am in a doctor’s care on that issue, and am also trying to get my general and behavioral health services transferred from Blaine to Knoxville.  We are poorer than churchmice, but happier than anyone has a right to be.  Pray for a job for me, one that is not too many hours but steady and has a forgiving boss.

Hugs,

Me

Today I have to go to my Workability workshop (trying to make me, as a disabled person, more employable), take Jevim to the doctor for HER Disability, take Wraithe to music class, and pick up Chazz in Maryville to take him and us to Sevierville for an Ostara Gathering. How do I have time to even type these blogs, LOL?  Still everything is wonderful, I’m in love and she is too.

Hugs,

Me

The house we are living in needs a lot of help, the sump pump has died and the basement is flooded, which keeps the water heater from working (don’t know if it needs repair or just needs to be drained), and the water has damaged the foundation at least in one corner…

Jevim’s Jeep Cherokee is back in the driveway but still needs a starter and some other work.  My car keeps developing new issues I can’t deal with due to lack of funds. I’ve been looking for work but nothing yet.  I’d take a pizza delivery job but don’t know if the car would run long enough to get the money I need for repairs.

But I’m still happy. I’d love to get rid of the stresses, but there is so much love in this house.

Hugs,

Me

It was pointed out to me by family members that I am woefully inconsistent on what chemicals I do or do not eat, and requiring everyone to meet a standard I did not come close to was excessive. I’m learning. I love my family.  Things have pretty much blown over. I went to the jobs seminar today, then did a lot of running around getting meds for Sweetie, dropping things off at thrift shops, and trying to meet up with Sunshine to drop off her last two boxes. She didn’t show up; I left them with the storage place manager and emailed her.

So no coven dedication — probably a good thing, as Mercury is Retrograde.

Jevim’s sister came and got the rest of her stuff and was supposed to come back with some money but hasn’t yet. The boat was supposed to be gone, and isn’t. The Jeep should be back in the driveway — after the boat goes away.  No word yet.

I’ve been looking for work. Might just pick up a pizza delivery job.

Hugs,

Me

Apparently my behavior is still awful. People are hearing me complain, complain, complain, when I feel I’m just doing my work.  I guess I have it in my head that I have to give everyone a reason before I can stop working, and the only valid reason is how much I hurt — but in this case, they just hear me complaining about hurting, they don’t know why I’m doing it. So I guess I have to stop doing it.  Had a very bad discussion on dinner, apparently it sounded like I was saying we should throw everything out and buy all organic stuff, when I was saying that we were eating somewhat too much pre-flavored items which usually have sugar, MSG, and lots of hidden chemicals, and we could be preparing more of that type of food ourselves.  I guess I can’t go into this too much… but I’m near tears and had to ask a family member if I even should go to bed with my sweetheart, or should just leave her to sleep alone. (I was told “OF COURSE she wants you to sleep with her,” but you know, you get hurting and you start questioning things you shouldn’t question.)

Better leave it there. Tomorrow I have the third class in the work seminar, then have to take stuff to the thrift shop and then have to meet with Sunshine to give her back a couple boxes of her stuff which surfaced during the move.

Hugs,

Me

Ever been with someone who wants to undress your MIND and make love to it?  My lovely Jevim (Buffy) wants to do that… and repeat the act with my soul, spirit… and, yes, body. I have never had a woman I respected so much, valued so highly, loved so very deeply, and wanted to FUCK so much — and who felt exactly the same way about me. What’s the problem? I’ve never had it, and don’t have a clue how to integrate it. But such travails are sweet, and I’ll get the hang of it.

Hugs,

Me

Let me rephrase that…

I have never had a woman I loved so deeply. I have never had a woman I respected more, and few as much. I have had few women who even LIKED me, other than what they could get out of me or turn me into in their minds. Having the love and respect and acceptance is more than I could ask for.  And to have the same feelings returned to me, over and over, with the most love ever…

And then there is the sheer physical desire, which is on such a sacred level it is blowing me away. We do everything from Holy to Dirty and it is done always with that love and respect, not just a “hot fuck”. That by itself is something I have never known and would give a lot to have.

Now I have it all. And I never DREAMED I could, and don’t know how to integrate it. But I’m working on it.

Got the last few bits moved. Did not do the best job of cleaning up, but most of what is left is boxes.  Home feels wonderful. Still have to clean up the last batch, don’t know where we are going to put it all but the miracles which have been performed to date should continue just a few more hours.  My Buffy is the most completely wonderful woman in the world, for me. We connect on ALL levels. I didn’t believe that was possible. And it keeps getting better. And better.  I hope I don’t die soon, but I would die happy.

Hugs,

Me