I figured out why I am so scared in this relationship, so fragile in the evenings (two different insights).
First, this relationship offers me EVERYTHING I ever wanted — a beautiful, intelligent, sensual High Priestess who is attracted to me and trusts me, a beautiful little girl who also trusts and loves me, a house that feels like Home, and all the loving animals who inhabit and surround the place, as well as mostly clearly-defined duties and ways I can make them feel spoiled while not (often) stretching beyond my capabilities. THE WORLD WOULD END IF I LOST THIS. That’s only slightly more dramatic than it actually is.
And I’ve been taking my responsibilities so seriously that I am not getting as much sleep as others in the household. I never was good for much at night when sleepy — either cranky or whiny, leaning toward the latter.
So I told my love of this, and will try to dial down the urgency and just live the life.
I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR MY FAMILY AND THE GODDESS WHO SHOVED ME AT THEM.