Monthly Archive: July 2013

Had some rough times between myself and my sweetie, but we got them ironed out again. I know she loves me, she knows I love her… she still has some behaviors which hurt me, but I’ll just have to show her as they arise. 

I ran out of money almost as soon as I got some… next paycheck just after the 1st… we’re out of food and I went to a food bank yesterday, came home with a few items of food, a few loaves of bread, and a 35-pound box of chicken leg quarters. We finally got them thawed enough to separate and stick in the freezer. I got the bright idea to offer to barter some of them for food we can eat — even if we ate nothing but chicken every day, 35 pounds is a lot of chicken to eat. We’d like some macaroni and cheese or something. Almost out of canned food.

Hugs,

Me

Yesterday, my sweetheart decided to go rescue an old friend — taking our daughter and not taking me. That was sudden, and so I responded as stunned. Have not had a night without her since I moved in, and it’s during a weekend. While some part of me could use some time alone, having it thrust at me like that put me off my balance. I’m still struggling with it this morning, but should be fine after she gets home… which time I don’t know. I expect later this evening, but she said on the phone that she needed to get back by noon. I don’t believe she can get up and drive two hours that early, but we’ll see. It’s 11 now.  I’m trying to deal with it, could do better or worse than I’m doing. The combination of how much I am in love with her and my Asperger’s is the issue, I don’t deal with sudden stuff easily. But I did a lot better than she expected telling her she could take the van so long as gas gets in it.

Hope I keep dealing with it. I’d hate for her to get home, with baby girl and friends, and have me be all messed up and clingy.

Hugs,

Me

Sunday I shaved my beard off. It was a drastic measure, but one I take about once a year. It had been well over a year this time.

And by Monday, I felt as good as I had in a long time.

For those of you who believe in energy and such, the explanation is likely to be that I was holding lots of built-up negative energy in the beard. I believe this. There is another mitigating factor — I had not smoked my pipe in over 2 months (or anything else) and have been smoking it since Saturday to relax, so the ingredients in the tobacco might have also relaxed me some. But I smoked it on Saturday and did not feel significantly better on Sunday.

My doctor has increased my blood pressure medication. I usually don’t take any medication, but my pressure has been high enough to listen to my doctor when she prescribed it two weeks ago. It does not seem to be working, but I’ll give it a shot. I go see her again in an hour.

I wish I had gotten another hour or two of sleep last night. But I figure by the end of the week I will be caught up on sleep, and that’s the only measure I had been dreadfully under on.

Hugs,

Me

This weekend was hectic and still almost nothing got done. We were fighting on a spirit level, which I am nearly blind to. Lots of friends over, lots of things being done, but none of the physical things we had planned even got started. So now the weekend is over and I head back to work. I’m still feeling tired, but had enough sleep. I did chop my beard off. My daughter thinks I’m an alien, my sweetheart says I look too much different, and another friend came over and didn’t notice at all.

I posted another song to my CD files, and the people who donated to the project who already have access to the files have commented heavily and favorably.

Hugs,

Me

Another busy week, with me taking a class in medication administration and melting down frequently, but I got through it and made friends with everyone in the class. One of them sometimes works in my house and another works for RHA, the others were Evergreen employees except for a Muscular Dystrophy employee.

Having some arguments or fights, but always knowing that we love each other… well, I sometimes feel like I don’t belong but that’s internal because I don’t know what to do. I can’t fix the problem and can’t even begin to think of leaving and there is still the disagreement being loud right in front of me. But Jevim always makes me know how much she loves me in so many ways.

I still do not have a good way to value sexuality. I have spend my whole life running from it or accepting it as something I need to do (and do well enough to please my partner) — there it is again, I am to please others and not myself. Gotta get over that. Lovemaking with my honey is the best ever and is equally good for both of us (a comment of “My pussy is happy” is enough for me). But I don’t know how to add that into deciding how good the relationship is… except all the other values on that are at or near the top of the range, so it’s not important.

TMI time, sorry.

Hugs,

Me

Things still move ahead. I am sometimes getting enough sleep. We had a busy weekend, throwing a Croning Party and Ritual for one of Jevim’s long-time friends on Saturday and a Birthday Party for our daughter, Wraithe, yesterday (today is her birthday, she is 8). And now I had to get up early, I have all-day class through Thursday. I don’t sleep well without my honey next to me, so I mostly lay in bed mostly awake from 9:30 until about 1 when my sweetie finally came to bed. Might do better tomorrow.

Class this week will make me a more valuable employee, able to administer medications to my people at work. This is the last step of my training, except for annual recerts and such.

I have been wearing out at work. I wanted to work 20 hours per week, and got pushed up to 25. I think I need to work 4 5-hour days, not 5 4-hour days, and have asked my supervisor for that. My timing was not the best, as he is on vacation until tomorrow, but he said he’d get back to me.

It’s really hard to go from barely being able to take care of myself in (essentially) an apartment to taking care of a beautiful woman, her daughter, and a crumbling house, plus having to go back to work in order to pay for things. At age 60. I bit off more than I can chew, but I’m chewing frantically. Hard to get everything you always wanted all at once, makes for a difficult adjustment, especially if you can’t always get enough sleep… and have the issues I have.

Hugs,

Me

Things still move ahead. I am sometimes getting enough sleep. We had a busy weekend, throwing a Croning Party and Ritual for one of Jevim’s long-time friends on Saturday and a Birthday Party for our daughter, Wraithe, yesterday (today is her birthday, she is 8). And now I had to get up early, I have all-day class through Thursday. I don’t sleep well without my honey next to me, so I mostly lay in bed mostly awake from 9:30 until about 1 when my sweetie finally came to bed. Might do better tomorrow.

Class this week will make me a more valuable employee, able to administer medications to my people at work. This is the last step of my training, except for annual recerts and such.

I have been wearing out at work. I wanted to work 20 hours per week, and got pushed up to 25. I think I need to work 4 5-hour days, not 5 4-hour days, and have asked my supervisor for that. My timing was not the best, as he is on vacation until tomorrow, but he said he’d get back to me.

It’s really hard to go from barely being able to take care of myself in (essentially) an apartment to taking care of a beautiful woman, her daughter, and a crumbling house, plus having to go back to work in order to pay for things. At age 60. I bit off more than I can chew, but I’m chewing frantically. Hard to get everything you always wanted all at once, makes for a difficult adjustment, especially if you can’t always get enough sleep… and have the issues I have.

Hugs,

Me

Things still move ahead. I am sometimes getting enough sleep. We had a busy weekend, throwing a Croning Party and Ritual for one of Jevim’s long-time friends on Saturday and a Birthday Party for our daughter, Wraithe, yesterday (today is her birthday, she is 8). And now I had to get up early, I have all-day class through Thursday. I don’t sleep well without my honey next to me, so I mostly lay in bed mostly awake from 9:30 until about 1 when my sweetie finally came to bed. Might do better tomorrow.

Class this week will make me a more valuable employee, able to administer medications to my people at work. This is the last step of my training, except for annual recerts and such.

I have been wearing out at work. I wanted to work 20 hours per week, and got pushed up to 25. I think I need to work 4 5-hour days, not 5 4-hour days, and have asked my supervisor for that. My timing was not the best, as he is on vacation until tomorrow, but he said he’d get back to me.

It’s really hard to go from barely being able to take care of myself in (essentially) an apartment to taking care of a beautiful woman, her daughter, and a crumbling house, plus having to go back to work in order to pay for things. At age 60. I bit off more than I can chew, but I’m chewing frantically. Hard to get everything you always wanted all at once, makes for a difficult adjustment, especially if you can’t always get enough sleep… and have the issues I have.

Hugs,

Me