Another busy week, with me taking a class in medication administration and melting down frequently, but I got through it and made friends with everyone in the class. One of them sometimes works in my house and another works for RHA, the others were Evergreen employees except for a Muscular Dystrophy employee.
Having some arguments or fights, but always knowing that we love each other… well, I sometimes feel like I don’t belong but that’s internal because I don’t know what to do. I can’t fix the problem and can’t even begin to think of leaving and there is still the disagreement being loud right in front of me. But Jevim always makes me know how much she loves me in so many ways.
I still do not have a good way to value sexuality. I have spend my whole life running from it or accepting it as something I need to do (and do well enough to please my partner) — there it is again, I am to please others and not myself. Gotta get over that. Lovemaking with my honey is the best ever and is equally good for both of us (a comment of “My pussy is happy” is enough for me). But I don’t know how to add that into deciding how good the relationship is… except all the other values on that are at or near the top of the range, so it’s not important.
TMI time, sorry.