My blog is getting seen. By anywhere from, oh, zero to four persons per day. Sorry to be so uninteresting.

I’d think there would be that many views just trying to catch up, now that I have multiple years worth of blogs added.

I gave myself a birthday present (well, Mom gave me the money, so I guess you could say she gave it to me) and joined Ar nDraoicht Fein (Our Own Druidism), founded something like 30 years ago by P.E.I. (Isaac) Bonewits. I look forward to learning new things, and wonder why I didn’t join much sooner. My students have been reading Isaac’s major book as part of their studies for, well, as long as I’ve been teaching. Isaac’s widow, Phaedra, has been on my Friends list at Facebook for, well, since before he died, which isn’t all that long, but we have gotten quite friendly (in a Facebook-y way).

Life is still hell in a big way. A Disability check and a part-time job were not meant to be used to raise a SO and her daughter in a big house (the rent is cheap, the utilities are not) and it stresses me to my limits and beyond almost every day. Our personalities are just different enough to not be able to easily figure out what to do to coexist or, better, work together easily. Which, of course, adds to the stress. I’m amazed that I’ve kept my job over 6 months (and am valued there) and not had to check myself in somewhere. The lack of a running vehicle also prevents me from getting to my therapist appointments and puts a huge crimp on the life of my family as well… probably hurts them more than it does me, as I can get the bus to work and a few other places (but not the therapist’s office).

Nothing hurts self-esteem more than feeling you’re just not doing well enough. That quickly gets translated to you ARE not good enough. Not good.

I bought my honey a phone, to use on Boost. Then I found out my bank account is overdrawn (yet again) and I can’t activate it until my next paycheck — and maybe not then, as the overdraft needs to be addressed as well as current bills. Sigh.

Ya know, I’d trade my problems for Bill Gates’ any day. There are very few ways we’re going to get through this, and they all have problems attached.



Comments (2)

  1. Barry Gold

    Life can be hard, All I can tell you is do the best you can. Some fixed level of success is not necessary, you can feel good about what you’ve done (as long as you haven’t actively done evil).

    Taking on an SO and a child on a limited income might be more than you can handle. But if it’s what you need to feel fulfilled in life, look for something you can do without.

    You really don’t want to get stuck for overdraft fees — it’s just feeding the bank’s profits from money you can ill-afford to spare. If you always know how much is in your account, you won’t overdraw it. Can your SO balance a checkbook? This is a necessary skill in today’s world, and if you don’t have it it’s good to have somebody else who can do it for you.

    Anyway, just so you know that I’m one of the people paying attention, even if I don’t log in and read every entry — some I just read the email version.

  2. zaivala

    Thanks, Barry. It has been noticed that I have received a lot of support over my last 20 years or so from people with “Gold” in their surname (in full or part).

    Unfortunately, my SO and I are not often on the same page regarding finances, and she has never attempted to keep records on the subject. I keep trying to share with her and it doesn’t seem to sink in. I can balance a checkbook fine, just keep forgetting to enter all the items on my spreadsheet… I do find for a long time and then fall behind. And at least the bank I am supporting with my overdraft fees is a credit union — the charges are lower, and nobody is getting rich.


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