Not Getting It

Well, we’re getting help to get the van fixed. Hope we can do it for that amount. But I still spent the morning crying.

Stress, stress, and stress. I haven’t had more than 5 hours sleep in about 2 weeks. When I get to bed early, I get woke up early and can’t get back to sleep — when I get to bed late, I don’t have time to sleep in. And late happens more often than early.

I did not get to go to my Family’s Yule celebration. I asked for help with a ride and did not get sufficient response to actually get the ride. At least two people apologized, but even so… I need that contact, otherwise I feel so isolated.

Honey is doing her very best. She has been doing more housework even though it leaves her in significant pain. But with my meltdown, I’ve not been able to do as much work as I’d like or was getting used to doing, so if she didn’t pick it up, the house would be a wreck.

What do you do to get inner peace? Mine keeps being destroyed by outer turmoil and stress, can’t get past that. Maybe I’m making it too hard, I know I did that in the past.

We have to get through this — there is a threat that I will lose my Disability due to having to fill in for people at work (too many hours means too much pay means no SSDI). If that happens, I would have to work 58 hours per week to make what I’m currently making inluding benefits, and I’m melting down major-league working 25 hours. But I still have the job after more than 6 months, and the fact that I keep being asked to help out by my house manager means I’m valued.

Any prayers or energy you can send for us will be much appreciated.




Comments (3)

  1. Ally

    Perhaps you need to draw a hard limit with your employer. Explain it to him/her in terms they can understand.

    1. zaivala

      My manager understands. But there is nobody else to ask. I’m glad he values me…

  2. bgoldnyxnet

    Well, there’s always Po’s method of getting inner peace. (See Kung Fu Panda II). More seriously, inner peace comes from being at peace with yourself, accepting yourself as you are. Also accepting the world as it is: it’s not going to change for you. We all feel like we’re the center of the universe, but the rest of the world disagrees. So when something goes wrong with my plans, I shrug and try to work around the problem. Maybe later figure out how I could have prevented that particular problem, and if it’s worth the effort. But I don’t stew about it.

    While you’re working on that, meditation is real useful. YOu don’t have to get into some weird religion to meditate. Google for “the relaxation response” For example, I just found:

    It takes practice, but it can do wonders for your inner peace. Not to mention your blood pressure.


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