Tag Archive: Earth’s Web

Dragged out

I haven’t been writing much, I know. My job — and the 34 miles a day round trip I take to get there — is wearing me out. I wish I could afford to cut back to 4 days. I even missed a deadline for Peppermint and Sage ezine.

In the meantime, a person who loves me has been going through hell and I’m virtually the only one willing to even listen. I’ve been sending her every drop of extra energy I have. Gee, maybe that’s part of the problem.

In the next few weeks, I have a Gathering to go to (which I might skip of day-trip), a Pagan Prison Ministry workshop in Georgia, and then have to get ready for Confluence in Pittsburgh at the end of July. I need to get more time practicing. I actually have a friend who keep calling and wanting me to play for her via Skype, knowing that I need the practice, but I just don’t have the energy.

Still no idea when I’ll be able to get my CD to become a physical reality, but it is still for sale as a download (with extras) at http://mordewis.bandcamp.com .

Guess that’s it for now.

Hugs,
Me

Men Men Men

This weekend was the first ever Men’s Gathering for Earth’s Web (or its predecessor, SerpentStone). We have a few people show up, had a fantastic workshop presented by Owl and lots of talking. It wasn’t everything we envisioned it to be, but it was a start and we hope next year’s is better.

I’m wondering about my level of commitment. I am going so many different directions and just don’t have money for more than one or two. I’m looking forward to Confluence in Pittsburgh PA in July.. that will help me focus on what it is I need to do.

Gotta go wash the camping dirt off me. Shower time!

Adding it up

Still most of my friends have not been able to comment. Leave me email with the username you want and a temporary password (must be moderately strong for WordPress to accept it) and I’ll set you up.

Been treading water. I had to tell my cousin I wanted to go to Pittsburgh by myself, that hurt both of us but I had to stand on my own at the first con anyone ever invited me to as a paid musical guest. I got all my bills paid, got two things on my Needs List, and have $19 left over… well, $17, just remembered eBay had to take their monthly fees for the paltry amount of stuff I’ve managed to sell.

I keep saying I’m doing fine on my own, but I’ve had three visitors stay for 3-7 days since moving here in March and they all feed me. I needed that at first, but the last week of food did me in. I’m gaining weight again, 222 with clothing yesterday so at least 10 pounds gained.

Let me tell the Universe: I AM HERE IN THIS APARTMENT TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. I AM THANKFUL FOR THE HELP, CARING, AND LOVE SHOWN BY MY FRIENDS BUT I CAN’T WORK ON THINGS WHEN I’M BUSY HELPING OR BEING HELPED BY OTHERS. Please back off now, I think I have the situation under control. And yes, I know that last one was completely my own fault.

Now if I could be strong enough that a friend calls me needing a place to stay and I say NO. Don’t know if I’m ready for that to happen.

I am looking for more outlets for my knit caps, hopefully local to Eastern Tennessee. I’ve donated quite a few to KARM, some have been given to individuals I met on the bus (and I’m not riding the bus now), and a very few to outlying shelters in Jefferson City and Morristown. Oh, and quite a few to my own Family, Earth’s Web. If you know of anything, especially groups helping the homeless who are NOT affiliated with a specific religious group (secular or other-than-Christian preferred). I really don’t think FoxNews viewers would be helped significantly by having warmer brains.

Speaking of which, it seems that the Justice Party USA in Tennessee has been crawling along quite slowly. I’ve volunteered to do just about anything except make phone calls, and haven’t heard. There are a few posts on Facebook. In terms of networking, we’re doing as well as a communist cell — nobody knows who anyone else is.

Enough for now.

Hugs,
Me

Not Getting It

Well, we’re getting help to get the van fixed. Hope we can do it for that amount. But I still spent the morning crying.

Stress, stress, and stress. I haven’t had more than 5 hours sleep in about 2 weeks. When I get to bed early, I get woke up early and can’t get back to sleep — when I get to bed late, I don’t have time to sleep in. And late happens more often than early.

I did not get to go to my Family’s Yule celebration. I asked for help with a ride and did not get sufficient response to actually get the ride. At least two people apologized, but even so… I need that contact, otherwise I feel so isolated.

Honey is doing her very best. She has been doing more housework even though it leaves her in significant pain. But with my meltdown, I’ve not been able to do as much work as I’d like or was getting used to doing, so if she didn’t pick it up, the house would be a wreck.

What do you do to get inner peace? Mine keeps being destroyed by outer turmoil and stress, can’t get past that. Maybe I’m making it too hard, I know I did that in the past.

We have to get through this — there is a threat that I will lose my Disability due to having to fill in for people at work (too many hours means too much pay means no SSDI). If that happens, I would have to work 58 hours per week to make what I’m currently making inluding benefits, and I’m melting down major-league working 25 hours. But I still have the job after more than 6 months, and the fact that I keep being asked to help out by my house manager means I’m valued.

Any prayers or energy you can send for us will be much appreciated.

 

Hugs,

Me

And also losing it

I got out to Walking Fern Farm yesterday among so many people who love me, for a meeting to determine our Festivals, Moon Rituals, and Male and Female Retreats. Soon after I got there I started crying.

I’ve been so overwhelmed. I’m doing the best I can. But at my age, going from barely being able to take care of myself to having to take care of a good-sized house, a fiance, and her daughter, all by myself, has been too much for me. I have no way of fixing it… other than finding an under-the-table job which pays me to do nothing, and I don’t think anyone’s out there. I’ve tried selling my music and some meditation necklaces, and nobody is buying. My honey is selling jewelry, and has no market. We’re not begging (most of the time) but nothing is happening to keep us from needing to beg.

I got a lot of sympathy and a lot of advice, most of which I can’t use but it was welcome hearing people trying to help.

I came home and crashed. Slept until 6:30. And was still tired at bedtime.

Some of the fatigue could be from the new blood pressure medication, but I’m not feeling that. It’s the stress that just doesn’t go away, and not all of it is financial.

If you can help, my music can be purchased at http://mordewis.bandcamp.com and the meditation necklaces and other things at http://serpentscoils.ecrater.com .